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[JoshuaFH]

http://news.bigdownload.com/2008/12/19/freeware-friday-cottage-of-doom/

There's two links to where you can download it at the bottom of the review.

A nifty game I stumbled upon. It's one of those "Fight off the hordes until you die" type games. This one is a parody of the B-movie style zombie flicks, and it does a good enough job.

So yeah, I PRESUME the controls are:

left click in a direction to walk
Double left click to run (this consumes your energy, measured in joules)
right click to fire
left click an item to pick it up, and right click somewhere next to you to set it down.
Right click on an item right next to you to magically transform it into a pile of shotgun shells and wooden boards

See what I did right there? I listed the controls. Something the game doesn't do! The game just starts, and throws your ass into the action, not explaining itself at all. It took me TEN damn seconds to figure out how to fucking move.

Now, I probably have to elaborate on my contempt. I really really really really REALL REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY FUCKING HATE IT when a game doesn't have instructions that explain how it works. The game starts, and I'm on my own to mash buttons until I get a reaction out of my videogame avatar. It's a real fucking sign of arrogance and inconsideration when a game assumes that it's simple enough that you can take one look at it and decipher it's controls within a second WHEN YOU CAN'T!

Hell, there might be controls I'm not aware of, but I'll never fucking know, because IT'S NOT EXPLAINED! For example, I don't know how to use the boards, HOW DO I USE THE FUCKING BOARDS GAME? TELL ME!

Alex May (the creator), please be kinder to your players, give them a short tutorial, or hell, just a txt file to explain everything in your game. They'll appreciate it, trust me on this one.

Also, add a skip opening sequence button, because it's not funny the second time!

Also, what the hell is up with the targeting reticle? It's like a full fucking inch above the mouse, and I'm never quite sure where I'm aiming. It feels like I'm not aiming, but instead just pointing my character towards the zombies, firing, and HOPING TO GOD that I hit something. I'd appreciate it if it didn't do that.

So yeah, give it a spin, it's pretty alright if you aren't nitpicky and hard to please like I am.

[Megaman]

press i for instructions -.-

[JoshuaFH]

*Head desk*

Guess I didn't see that, cause I like to keep my monitor at 800x600, and the bottom of the screen was cut off. It's bullshit that people will make games bigger than my screen. So many people do it too! Changing my screen resolution is a chore, and I can barely stand it.

[Aqizzar]

I think most people expect that everyone is using at least 1024x768 resolution now.  Honestly, I don't know why you wouldn't.  Your monitor can't possibly be old enough for that to be a concern, can it?

[Ioric Kittencuddler]

My dad's Commodore 64 monitor still works.  Sort of... They use it as a TV in their bedroom.

Er, actually they used to, but now we use it for my grandparents' home surveillance system.

[beorn080]

Plenty of smaller laptops still use 800x600.

[Megaman]

I don't know why, but this game is SO fun,desperatly trying to defend the 4 corners of oyur cottage and eventually locking yourself in to a last square where you get eaten.

[JoshuaFH]

I think most people expect that everyone is using at least 1024x768 resolution now.  Honestly, I don't know why you wouldn't.  Your monitor can't possibly be old enough for that to be a concern, can it?

(Before I say anything, I want to preemptively apologize if anything I say seems unnecessarily hostile. I haven't been in the best of moods lately.)

I think that it's not "Why I shouldn't" and more "Why I should", besides the occasional dickish game like this, I don't see any reason to change. When my screen's on a larger resolution, everything's small, and I find that intensely aggravating. I spend a significant amount of time reading, so I don't want to have to exert more effort to try to read the much smaller print. You might say "Oh, just use the ctrl+mousewheel to make the text bigger" but the icons on my desktop (and everywhere else not connected to a browser) remain the same, annoyingly small size. Also, it makes the mouse small, and everything I've been using for years small, and I don't want to have to change for some arbitrary, insignificant reason like "Oh, game developers ASSUME that everyone's using 1024x768" when they aren't, I'm clear and undeniable proof of that.

I hope my anger seems a tad bit more justified to you Aqizzar.

[Ioric Kittencuddler]

I can't personally stand anything bellow 124x768.  The screen's so damn small I can't read anything without scrolling every few seconds.  Especially since most sites are designed to be viewed at 1024x768 at the minimum and will require you to scroll horizontally if you don't have at least that.

If you really have so much trouble seeing things at a resolution as low as 1024x768 then you really ought to get an eye exam.

[Kagus]

124x768?  I imagine that would be quite difficult to work with.  What's your screen look like?

By the way, if you think personal jabs help out a discussion, you need a brain exam.

[Ioric Kittencuddler]

It wasn't a personal jab.  If someone who's young enough to be playing video games can't read text at 1024x768 then there's something wrong with their eyes.

[Kagus]

That's profiling.  And profiling is wrong.

[Ioric Kittencuddler]

Only when it's not right!

[ductape]

I lost all my eyes in the war.

LOL DONGS!

[Mephisto]

I'm accustomed to larger resolutions. This makes it difficult to use my netbook, which has a maximum of 1024x600. I can barely do anything as just about every app is higher than 600 pixels. I have to alt+drag everything just to see all of the options in that particular window.

Why did I post this in Other Games? I don't know.