I did one I'm quite proud of. Just me and WD, with an appearance from Aqizzar because every single story needs one by law.
“So, yeah. That’s basically why you shouldn’t do that,” finished Jackrabbit. He was a four foot high lagomorph, white, furry, cute and had a grin that was fucking insane.
“Have you noticed,” said Workerdrone, slowly, “that people always seem to say ‘so, yeah’ after explaining something no one else could hear?” He was almost the total opposite of Jackrabbit, an imposing Black Templar Space Marine. His voice was metallic and cold, yet impassioned at the same time.
“Oh yes,” nodded Jackrabbit. He waved his hand and a portal appeared in front of their faces. “It’s a trope, actually.”
“Close that,” admonished Workerdrone. “You want to be trapped in there forever?”
“Sorry, sorry.” said Jackrabbit. He clicked his fingers and the portal disappeared. “Hey, what do you think would happen if you downed a whole jug of coffee and surfed that place all night?”
“That’s… the stupidest I’ve ever heard you say,” replied Workerdrone.
“No, I remember when – wait,” said Jackrabbit. They were both reclining on lounge chairs that looked like those leather chairs physiatrist’s use, in front of a warm, Victorian-era fire, which was the source of the only light in the book filled room. A sign over the door said ‘General discussion: Topic:’ but the rest was obscured by darkness. It was the late end of forum activity and few people were on, all in other chambers. Jackrabbit sat bolt upright, not getting much farther off the floor than he was when he was lying down. Workerdrone sat up in turn, towering over him.
“Wha – oh. You know, technically I’m the one with the modified ears attached to my head. I should have heard that first,” said Workerdrone, slightly upset.
“Yeah, yeah,” responded Jackrabbit. “I don’t know if you’ve noticed but my ears extend about half a foot from my head.”
He walked over to the door, opened it and peeked out. Slamming it shut, he turned back.
“They have a cave troll,” he said, simply.
“Nice reference,” observed Workerdrone.
“Thank you,” replied Jackrabbit. “But seriously. Trolls. A shitload of them.”
“Damn,” said Workerdrone. “That’s new. What do you reckon?”
“From the markings? A 4… place raid.” He seemed unable to say the name.
“Damn,” cursed Workerdrone.
“Ah, we can take ‘em. Hang on,” said Jackrabbit, reaching behind his back. He paused. “Shit.”
“What?” asked Workerdrone.
“I forgot! I don’t have my luger! Damn lawyers took it off me!” said Jackrabbit, searching in vain for the butt of the gun.
“Really? The wealth of copyright violation laid out before them and they took your gun? Harsh.”
“I’m surprised you’ve still got your bolter,” said Jackrabbit.
“Oh, they tried to take it off me,” responded Workerdrone, absently readying it.
“Oh? What happened?” asked Jackrabbit.
“I happened,” said Workerdrone. “In case you didn’t notice, I’m a six foot power armoured genetically enhanced super-soldier.”
“Gah. I hate being short. I would have ripped his throat out, but he had these guys with him. Bastards,” said Jackrabbit, mournfully.
The door shook. Behind it came cries of ‘kekekekeke!’ and ‘lolzers!’. Jackrabbit shuddered, his grin never leaving his face. It didn’t seem to be able too.
“Want a chainsword?” offered Workerdrone, holding one out. Jackrabbit took it doubtfully. It was bigger than him.
“I don’t think –” he began, before activating it. He fell forward and the sword was buried up to the hilt in the floor, still roaring. It stopped.
“Uh,” said Workerdrone, “maybe not.”
“Y’think?” grunted Jackrabbit, standing up.
“Let me… oh! Hang on.” Workerdrone crossed the room, knelt and lifted a heavy bolter up. Grunting, he placed it on one of the couches, which he angled towards the door.
“And you said I wouldn’t need it,” he grinned. Jackrabbit’s grin widened in turn and he jumped up behind the massive gun. The door was shaking quite hard now. Cries of ‘desu desu desu!’ and ‘OMFG WTF LOL’ were getting louder.
“Let them come,” said Workerdrone.
“Oh great, here we go,” muttered Jackrabbit, leaning on the gun.
“They will fall to our steel! Let them think themselves innumerable, we shall teach them –”
The door blew in. Workerdrone and Jackrabbit began to fire, the bullets lancing into the hordes of meme bloated ghouls rushing to meet them. After a mere few minutes, all was quiet. The bodies of the enemy lay defeated, their avatars soon to be sucked back to whence they came.
“That was fun,” said Workerdrone, pointing his bolter at the floor. “C’mon, we’ll see how everyone else fared.”
They began to leave the room when Aqizzar poked his head round the doorway.
“Wh – oh, hey guys. You too, huh? Pretty nasty raid. I’m heading over to the DF section to see what’s what. You guys need a hand?” he asked.
“No, we’re fine,” responded Workerdrone. “Have fun. Where were you, by the way?”
“Oh, I was in the Atheists section,” said Aqizzar.
“What? I thought you didn’t go in for that sort of thing,” said Jackrabbit.
“Just looking around. Nasty. Attracted trolls like a light attracts moths. Still, we pulled through. Sofia was looking through as well.”
Both Workerdrone and Jackrabbit winced in succession. Aqizzar nodded.
“Yeah. Anyway, see you. Have fun, stick together.”
After he had left, Jackrabbit turned to Workerdrone.
“Got a hellpistol?” he asked.
“Only because I think it’s hilarious,” said Workerdrone, pulling it out and handing it to him. “It’s so cute! Lookit, little flashlight pistol!”
“That’s nice. Let’s go check the place out.”
“Yeah, okay. Man, raid, huh? I can’t remember when we last had one of those.”
“I know.”
They walked over the corpses and out, into the darkened corridor.
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Topic: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery (Read 29587 times)