I read it Taco. It was horrible. But. You've got Talent, Kid. I was confused after the first sentence.
Well, time for my horrible story, too, I guess.
Warning. Will offend Absolutely everyone, either through their mention, or through their lack of mention. It even offends me.
"So, new guy, huh?"
I look down in surprise, my gaze torn from the glistening port with the parks of green grass and yellow sand, with a little kiddy-swing upon which a bespectled female sits while she idly glares at all within a five meter radius. Below me appears to be some sort of three foot tall rabbit, with homocidal teeth and a suprisingly amiable manner. Guiding me to one of the spotless park benches, he encourages me to sit, before continuing."So. Do you have any papers? Oh, wait, I forgot, we don't need them any more. Uh... In that case, Welcome, I guess. You're from the Upper Forums, right?" I nod, ever so slightly bewildered "Well, you'll find us all to be nice folks and all that. Though, Upper Forum people tend to find us a little strange." As his monologue goes on, my gaze wanders, idly flicking past the old man leaning on his crowbar, before settling upon a man with triangular glasses and a 'brosome' aura. Sensing the inevitable pique of my interest, he saunters over. "Hi, new guy. How are you today? I hope you fit in with this forum, We're all quite nice people. By the Way, Have you ever read MSPA? At a shake of my head, his interest seems to drain completely. Giving a small 'huh', he wanders off in search of someone else to chat amiably with."So... Who was that guy?" I ask my bouncy little guide. "Oh, Him? That's Toonyman. Or. What's left of him, I guess. Ever since they took away his caps lock he's been a little... dejected. And now that he's started talking in full sentences, it's almost like I don't know him anymore." I nod, lost in thought, before the rabbit (Who introduced himself as Jackrabbit) continued. "But, he's still the same person, you know? We're all just more... amiable... now. I mean, take Aqizzar over there, for example" My gaze wanders over to the afore mentioned old man, who stands on his bay-front porch and waves his crowbar at a group of rather bewildered younglings. "Get off my grass! I should lock this grass! Somebody lock this grass! Don't you dare derail my path!" As I look back at Jackrabbit, I raise an eyebrow, to be met by his resigned sigh "Well, he's... he used to be a baron, you know? Well, he still is, but, it's a name now, not a title. But, he can still be fun sometimes, I guess"
"What on earth happened to this place?"
"What? Oh, it got Cleaned Up. I mean, This is General Discussion, Tack. We can't go on with the Various Nonsense we used to."
"Various Nonsense? Didn't that used to be a-" In a flash, a black clad figure with a cat-like face jumps out from a until herefore unnoticed nook, scrambling onto the table and shouting "IT'S ALIVE" In my face, before shoving a red-hot link into my hands, and jumping away into a nearby alleyway. Without batting an eyelid, Jackrabbit reaches over the table and pulls the link from my unresisting hands, dropping it and firmly grinding it under his foot, before placing it in a nearby bin. "In any case. The place is still good for... General Discussion, and the like. We just have to be more, Amiable, I guess. I mean we used to be chill before, but, now we have to be responsibly chill, and Most of us take that responsibility seriously, y'know?" As my gaze pans once more across the bay, I ask out of the corner of my mouth to Jackrabbit "So... is anyone still the same as they were before?"
"Well, yeah, sure... There's Duke... Well... sorta. And... Vester. Vester is still the same.
"Exactly the same"
"Well, a little more sensible, I guess"
"..."
"But her drawing's improved! Not that it was, you know, anything but spectacular to start with. But, you know..." I stare, dumbfounded, as he lapses into embarassed silence. While my gaze is on Jackrabbit, another person turns up to the table. This one is a girl, more or less. As she walks, she changes from moe to moe, her bunny ears reforming into cat ears, while different types of fangs wax and wane. Walking up to the table, she gives a lavicious smile to me, before enfulging Jackrabbit in a hug, whereupon he starts having seisures. As I stare, slightly more incredulously, the black-clad figure jumps back out of the alleyway, and seeing a hug, immediately shouts "HUGS" before a look of extreme concentration screws up on his cat-like face. Pulling his arms in, he releases a gigantic pink shockwave of HUGness, which roils its way across the bay, hitting me and enveloping me in a feeling of serenity and slight annoyance. Once again, Jackrabbit starts going into convulsive spasms, as everyone simultaneously stops, and starts looking around for the culprit, who, once again seems to have disappeared into thin air. The lady, ignoring, and seemingly immune to the powerhug, simply turns and walks away. As my gaze and 90% of my attention walk away after her, I mumble to Jackrabbit. "Well... she is nice" A random space marine sitting some five meters away scoffs a rich, baritone laugh. "Forget it, son. She would eat you alive. She used to be a man, did'ya know?" As I turn towards Jackrabbit, I see him hunched up in roils of laughter. As I ask what he's suddenly contracted, he turns his face up to me. "Sniper Janet? Nice? Haha. She used to... She'd... We would all..." His face suddenly turns grave, and he props his head upon the table. "Geez, but do I miss the old days."
"Can't you bring the old days back?"
"No. We... It's a long story."
Looking around, I prop my arm on the table and give a sigh, before replying. "Well, looks like I've got a long time. Why not just come out with it?"
"No. Any story longer than three minutes is bound to be derailed, and therefore, is a threat to the security of our bay"
I stop, stunned, before continuing. "Wait. So, you're saying that because you have guessed to the conclusion that this conversation is going to have to topic changed, you feel that it's better to never begin it?
"Indeed" Standing, he goes to move away, before turning back to me.
"Welcome to General Discussion"
Well... Let me know if I've trodden on any toes. I'll be sure to help pay for the medical bill.
V: Technically, Akroma is in before you, Jackrabbit.
Author
Topic: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery (Read 28581 times)