I'm sorry if this is so bad it's terrible, because I was aiming for so bad it's good.
The sun rises in solemn reverence, and deep in the heartland of America, an alarm clock goes off playing an unusual altered version of America, Fuck Yeah!
"OOOOOORRRG Fuck Yeah!"
Org, awake within an instant, pushes aside the super models that act as his blankets and pillows, and goes from laying to flying towards the clock just as it reaches "Comin' again to save the motherfuckin' day ya!" and he slaps it off. With one mighty backflip, Org exits his room, goes down the hall, into his bathroom, and then bathtub. The morning shower is predictably quick, as not a single drop of water dare miss under Org's watchful eye. The shave of whatever hair dare entreat onto his face is fixed with a quick "BOO!" and the hair retreats back into his face. Another mighty backflip, and he's in the kitchen, only to see that his breakfast has made itself for fear of incurring his ire. Rather than waste time eating however, he casts a quick glare and the meal hands over all the nutrients.
Another backflip, and is fully dressed somehow. A tug at the hand of his Musashi Miyamoto cardboard cutout, and the floors opens and he falls into his totally awesome transportation tube. He hurtles down, deep into the Earth, then uses the gravitational pull of the Earth to somehow hurtle himself back up a totally different tube, and bam, he's at school. He then proceeds to ace each class in the span of around 20 minutes, which is easy when you use a pen full of magma. After getting full honors, he backflips through the roof, and into his Ferrari. He revves the patented explosion engine he invented himself. Unlike the combustion engine which runs on gasoline, the explosion engine runs on TNT. Exploding to his next destination, Org spots a burning house, then blows it out. Org spots a cavernous crack in the road, and fixes it with his smile. Org spots a disaster and then arbitrarily fixes it.
He flies out of his car, through the skies and clouds, torments a plane dressed as a gremlin, and then goes to pursue his secret life as the president of Uruguay, even though Uruguay is a republic.
He fixes the rampant social and economical problems that probably exist, but didn't do the research to find out if they actually exist. If they did, they don't exist now, if they didn't, then they don't exist even more! Any problems he might have accidentally caused from drastically altering policies or laws are explained to the populace entirely in body language, to which they understand completely and forgive him.
Catapulting himself across the border, Org returns home, goes onto his favorite forum, Bay12 Games Forum, and then types some one sentence replies to his favorite threads, being absolutely sure to be as vague and nondescript as possible. Then, after such a tiresome day, he finishes by retiring to his his luxurious luxurious bed with his many super model girlfriends.
This is a bad satire.
From concept to finish, I'm very disappointed in myself, and I'm very sorry. I hope I didn't hurt your feelings Org, because I hurt mine.
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Topic: Ridiculous Tales of Bay Twelvery (Read 29243 times)