Elona.
In my mansion, I awaken in my King's Bed, only vaguely remembering that I detonated a nuclear device in a crowded city to obtain it. After quickly getting dressed, I wave the butler away, telling him to tell the leagues of gangsters that I'm not ready for the mysterious event that they won't tell me about.
First a quick walk to my farm to collect the artifact weapons and armors hanging from the vines of my crops. I then head to my tyrannosaurus ranch - silently thanking myself for remembering to place it far enough so I could sleep without having to listen to two gigantic lizards going at it ALL NIGHT LONG.
Next a trip to the town questboard. Yup, as expected a bunch of people are asking for garbage items; I haven't the foggiest idea why these people can't take one step outside and pick up that "junk stone" or "wood piece" or "shit" that they want to give to their children as birthday presents. Then I take a quest to play music at someone's party, apparently they couldn't find another performer since they invited said performers to the party. I apparently play piano very well, since they threw money at me. Some people liked it so much that they ripped of their clothes and threw them at me.
A quick run through the shops and I head out of th- What's that sir? Why yes, I would like some candy. My age? I'm actually a 432 year-old Elean (Elf, but without the tree-humping) but I accidentally typoed on a wish - typing "Age lm" instead of "Sage helm" - and that reduced my age to 12 an- with my w-wings? but sir my wings are the result of ether disease and I don't think tha- "master" but I don't think I'm ready for th- *mph!*
Then the dungeons, most of the monsters fall quickly to my machine gun rounds and scythe blows. Then rifling through a material spot I find several casino tokens. Great! I can use these to play Blackjack in the casino that magically appears when I use my dart board! Wandering further down, I continue to explore and gather treas- oh hey look, an alien an- OH GOD IT'S INSIDE ME!!!