Well, at least I got to find out what the sweatshop workers had been doing. It seems Marion tasked them to make us what she described vaguely as "expensive suits". The suits... were actually quite impressive, considering the time constraints on their making.
"Marion... these are actually quite nice..." I looked at the only slightly crooked tie and mildly off centre buttons. "But... I think you may have forgotten something."
Marion looked annoyed. "Of course I haven't! These suits will be perfect for infiltration! They'll never expect a Liberal Crime Squad to dress like
this!"
"They probably won't," I said carefully, "But they may wonder why all our clothes seem to be in the
same size."
I had begun to notice a new look of Marion's. It was a subtle expression, something you could only see if you were specifically looking for it. It was the look she wore when she had just realised she had got something wrong. This look was almost always replaced about a second later when she realised she'd actually got it right but in a different way to the way she had originally intended.
"Simple! It's a statement against sexism and mutant discrimination!" Perhaps it was. But it would be difficult to get in when Tyrone's suit amounted to little more than a crop top and shorts while Monica's suit trailed fabric from every limb. Marion's was just about passable, and certain areas would probably distract any security guards trying to detain her.
We set off in our stolen car. I had thought about warning Marion that it was probably the most sought after stolen good in the entire state, but something told me she wouldn't listen. As I drove down the streets, I tried to think of some kind of reason why a group like us would be in the Cable TV Network buildings. Some kind of freakshow? As we began to approach the downtown area, I remembered the chase I had had down this road so recently. Tyrone had at first said nothing about it, and, when pressed, blamed it vaguely on the "pollen count". Needless to say, I wasn't convinced.
As we approached the building, I was kindof hoping that the entrance guard would take one look at us and turn us away, but wasn't paying the slightest bit of attention, and waved us through to the carpark. We parked there, in a spot that was apparently strictly reserved for "Shareholders and Potential Investors ($10,000+)". Marion stood in front of the car and addressed us with what she apparently thought was a rousing speech.
"Go in there and make some liberal television! It will be glorious, the best show seen in months! It will convert people to our cause and put people off Conservative Cabal TV for good!" I suggested that perhaps, if we wanted people to stop watching it, we shouldn't be giving them free programming. She suggested that I shut up.
Once again, I hoped that someone, anyone would tell us that we didn't belong there and kick us out. But... well... they didn't seem to care. Sure, you don't usually see a mutant, a young girl and a couple walking around in ill fitting suits, but they're probably there for a reason, right? And if they're not, well, that's a free story in itself.
A woman approached us. She looked up at Tyrone, before frowning. "What the hell are you doing?!" she shouted at him. Tyrone looked slightly taken aback, and began to mumble an apology. "I was just leaving..." Marion seemed to prime for a fight, but the woman grabbed Tyrone by the harm.
"Seriously, cut it out! You were meant to be on 10 minutes ago!" Tyrone looked back with a confused look on his face before saying "Um... yeah!"
"Come with me then!" the woman dragged him off. Tyrone looked over his shoulder with a slightly apologetic look as he was led away down the corridor and around the corner. A short while later, Marion broke the silence.
"Do you think the conservative machine might be slightly less well-oiled than we thought?"
Perhaps she was right. Wherever we walked we saw only secretaries and producers rushing about their business, and security guards who seemed to have picked their job as a form of paid lounging around. Marion actually looked disappointed. Had she expected an intense firefight? A hostage situation? Anything more interesting than a security guard offering to give us guest passes if we'd lost ours?
"This isn't right at all..." said Marion, "These are conservatives! They should be attacking us! They should be doing something..."
"Marion, they can't tell we're liberal just by looking at us..."
"Of course they bloody well can! How do you think I identified you as an ignorant moderate?" I was slightly taken aback.
"You can't guess that kind of thing just by looks!" Surely Marion couldn't tell. I mean, it's not like liberals were some form of masonic society, right?
Marion laughed. "Ah, Frederick, so naive in the ways of politics..." She looked towards Monica. "Can you help explain how you tell?"
"You look at the way they walk," Monica began to rattle off a reply without even turning around, "Conservatives walk with an air of superiority and entitlement. Liberals are more open and egalitarian. Moderates are in between." Marion looked very surprised.
"Monica, how do you know this?"
"Journalism" said Monica, and fell silent once again.
On the way to... wherever it was Marion was taking us, I began to consider what a "Liberal" and a "Conservative" walk looked like. I tried to compare Marion and Monica to the people we met, but to me, everyone looked the same. I sighed. Perhaps Marion and Monica had already trained themselves to distinguish between "us" and "them". Perhaps it was as obvious to them as a letter tatooed on their forhead.
Marion stopped. "Well, I think this is it!" We walked through a set of double doors leading off the corridor, and entered a dimly lit studio. There was a large array of cameras and screens, although they seemed to be switched off. Suddenly I gasped. The set was familiar. It was from the 6-and-a-quarter O' Clock news. And it was ten minutes past six.
"Marion... what are we doing?" I had already realised what, of course, but my mind didn't want to believe it.
"We're gonna walk on and raise some awareness of the issues!" Marion grinned. "The SAAQOCN is one of the most popular shows on the network! We'll be sure to convert our targets!"
"Who the heck ARE these targets?" She didn't seem particularly bothered by the question. She sat down on one of the nearby chairs and crossed her legs. She stretched, before looking straight at me and saying:
"The
moderate conservatives, of course!"
It should probably be explained at this point that the emphasis she put on "moderate" is about the same emphasis as most people would put on '
moderate Nazi'.
"I thought all conservatives were evil..." To be honest, I wasn't too surprised. If we had a liberal for every fundamental inconsistency in Marion's world view, the revolution would have already happened.
"Not at all! Of course, the
Arch Conservatives are." It's difficult to describe the emphasis on "Arch". Think '
Seriously incompetant politician' and you might be getting at it. "But the people who they convert... they don't know any better! We can still save them! We need only destroy the fundamentalists!" I decided to stop Marion before her rhetoric reached slightly more dangerous levels of insanity.
"But what are we doing here?"
"You'll see!" From somewhere to the left came the call "You're on in... 5... 4... 3... 2... 1... Now live on air!" Marion grinned another terrible grin and walked onto the stage.
***
"Well, that didn't go too badly!" Marion expressed a view shared by none of the other people travelling in the car with her. Tyrone, who was still crammed uncomfortably into the boot section, was trying to nurse the dot to dot puzzle of bullet wounds on his chest. Monica stared forwards passively. I had rather a lot of responses to Marion, but was too busy being glad to be alive at that moment to say any of it.
"We should be all over the evening papers by now!" Marion picked up the copy of the evening paper that was delivered to the homeless shelter. She had apparently got a special deal wherby only issues mentioning the LCS were delivered. It would seem suspicious, but then again, everyone must've known exactly who we were by now.
Marion's face fell as she saw the front cover of the paper. She began to read, and remained silent until she had finished the article. She then dropped it and quietly left the room. I decided to have a look at the article.
HILARIOUS NEW SATIRE TAKES PLACE OF NEWS PROGRAMME
A new up and coming comedy sketch team burst onto the scene today, when they apparently "hijacked" a popular news show.
Viewers expecting to see the Six-and-a-quarter O' clock news were instead treated to a performance by a young woman who explained how the super rich "had money" and "should not be given any more". A young man who was with her began arguing and telling her to leave, but the woman insisted on saying, going on to give hilarious views on Abortion Rights and Police Accountability.
At this point a large muscular man burst onto the set and demanded that mutant rights be taken more seriously. He demonstrated the obvious volality of mutants that makes them inferior as humans, and had a staged fight with a man playing a security guard, which ended in the mutant apparently breaking the security guard's spine. This brilliant and insightful piece of satire helps to show why mutant rights are the way they are.
At this point a security guard approached a young girl who had remained very quiet throughtout the sketch. It is unclear what the producers of the show wanted to happen next, but some sort of scuffle broke out and the comedians fled the set. As they left, one of them shouted "Up the LCS!", implying that these people were possibly imitating the Liberal Crime Squad, a group which performed a botched raid on the CEO Building recently.
In a statement from the company, the commisioner stated that "We are aware that our news programming was interrupted by this comedy group. Unfortunately they did not leave their names or contact details, but we'd be happy to have them on again. We enjoyed the show as much as anyone."
The Thinktank "For the Enrichment of our Nation" said that the show helped to "strengthen the current consensus on women's and mutant rights, and show how stupid the views of the so called 'liberals' really are".
The elusive comic quartet have not been seen since, although their new fanbase are now attempting to track them down.
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Topic: The Fires of Revolution - A Liberal Crime Squad Story - Part 15 (Read 16982 times)