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Author Topic: The Captain's Log- Spiritwood  (Read 61705 times)

Tack

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Re: The Captain's Log
« Reply #75 on: September 18, 2009, 03:35:27 am »

And I get to be rapt. Hooray. I hope I was the one that fed them slugmen. Hehe, the less bones, the easier to bucher!
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Sentience, Endurance, and Thumbs: The Trifector of a Superpredator.
Yeah, he's a banned spammer. Normally we'd delete this thread too, but people were having too much fun with it by the time we got here.

Servu

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Re: The Captain's Log
« Reply #76 on: September 20, 2009, 02:50:55 pm »

I said it once and I'll say it again: Awesome story.
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Labs

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Re: The Captain's Log
« Reply #77 on: September 20, 2009, 04:39:06 pm »


“All work and no play makes Urist a dull dwarf,”

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I like to slip into bear caves around midnight and gently caress the carnivore inside before leaving a small cut of fresh fish and sneaking out.

skaltum

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Re: The Captain's Log
« Reply #78 on: September 20, 2009, 04:40:32 pm »



“All work and no play makes Urist a sad and bored beserk dwarf,”

what i think anyway :D
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I just realized, after adding the new body parts to the other races, that I have an entire squad of dwarves with a shield in each hand and swinging their axes with their penises. There's nightmare fuel for those goblins, in more ways than one.

Tack

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Re: The Captain's Log
« Reply #79 on: September 20, 2009, 07:45:49 pm »



“All work and no play makes the entire fortress die from berserk and sad dwarves.”

what i think anyway :D
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Sentience, Endurance, and Thumbs: The Trifector of a Superpredator.
Yeah, he's a banned spammer. Normally we'd delete this thread too, but people were having too much fun with it by the time we got here.

Cirius

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Re: The Captain's Log
« Reply #80 on: September 23, 2009, 02:54:32 am »

The sun rose over the Wrackpit swamp to reveal an abandoned campsite. The dwarves had folded their tents before dawn, leaving under the cover of darkness, and only the smouldering remains of the campfires and scattered debris were left to mark their passing.

The wagons were back on the road again, having spread themselves across over a mile of sodden pathway. Another recent ambush attempt by the slugmen had been rather neatly foiled when the driver of the lead caravan had, due to a rather intense conversation regarding the merits of plump helmet mushrooms, completely failed to spot the creatures which now coated the rims of his wheels.

Kubluk’s head was still spinning from the night before, and every jolt of the cart made him clutch his stomach, keeping his mouth firmly closed. His memories of last night were still relatively vague, and every now and then he would groan as an embarrassing flashback skipped merrily past his eyes.

Dirulal looked over to him. “How are you feeling old fellow?” he remarked. “You look greener than a fine vein of serpentine.”

Kubluk nodded gently, unwilling to risk opening his mouth, lest the contents of the night before return to haunt him.

Unperturbed by his companions unwillingness to speak, Dirulal lifted a flask from his belt, and took a large swig. “Hair of the dog, that’s the only remedy for a party like last night. Fill yourself with this,” he instructed, and passed over the unmarked container. The stench of strong alcohol filled Kubluk’s nose, and if anything he turned slightly greener. The queasy dwarf shook his head, very slightly, but in a definite negative, and pushed the flask away from his lips.

“Suit yourself,” his friend remarked, before taking a final sip and returning the flask to his pack. “I can’t help but wondering,” he remarked, his eyes scanning their surroundings, “just how many miles of these forsaken swamps we have left to endure. It’s that damned smell; it’s got in my clothes, my beard and my skin. We’ll be smelling this place for weeks to come!”

Kubluk nodded, trying to keep his eyes fixed on the wooden bench beneath him, unwilling to risk looking up at the sodden terrain.

“Othtar said something last night about a village on the road ahead,” Dirulal continued, “but then it’s not too far to the canyons. I can’t say I’m looking forward to it, but surely anywhere’s better than this muddy pond.”

Kubluk nodded, his memory vaguely reminding him of something Othtar had said about undead hordes dwelling in the Crevice of Orbs. However, still feeling somewhat worse for wear, he declined to comment.

“Anyway,” Dirulal remarked. “I’m still hungry.” He rooted around once again within his pack, and drew out a tightly bound bundle. He loosened the knots with his fingers, and drew out a chunk of foul smelling meat, which he then proceeded to wave under Kubluk’s nose.

“Fancy some slugman?” he asked.

The sound of Kubluk’s retching could be heard almost the entire length of the caravan, followed by the distinctive sound of Dirulal’s bellowing laughter.
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Arch-Bishop Cirius started at the ringing of the bell, which signalled the arrival of a pilgrim with a problem to throw at him. It was always a problem. Nobody ever came to say the hymns with him... Or say happy birthday.

Welcome to Spiritwood

Jackrabbit

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Re: The Captain's Log
« Reply #81 on: September 23, 2009, 04:39:44 am »

Dirulal you bastard.

This story is extremely well written, interesting and very fun to read. I foresee greatness.
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LegoLord

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Re: The Captain's Log
« Reply #82 on: September 23, 2009, 06:37:47 pm »

Poor Kubluk.  I liked how the second ambush ended (started? happened?), by the way.
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"Oh look there is a dragon my clothes might burn let me take them off and only wear steel plate."
And this is how tinned food was invented.
Alternately: The Brick Testament. It's a really fun look at what the bible would look like if interpreted literally. With Legos.
Just so I remember

Limul Thak

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Re: The Captain's Log
« Reply #83 on: September 25, 2009, 06:10:29 pm »

I can see it now... ::)

<Slugman head honcho>: Now you shall pay for your crimes! >:(
*a minute or two later...*
<Dirulal> Thanks for the wheel varnish! ;D
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This game is so strange.
The horses have TEEN ANGST.

Tack

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Re: The Captain's Log
« Reply #84 on: September 25, 2009, 09:07:30 pm »

<Slugman head honcho> Now you shall pay for your crimes... hey. Stop. I'm attacking you. Ah, Hey! Run! You aren't allowed to do this. The tail! My tail! Aaaaablarblearble.

<Teach> Well, at least now we don't have to waste our time on these.

<communal agreement>
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Sentience, Endurance, and Thumbs: The Trifector of a Superpredator.
Yeah, he's a banned spammer. Normally we'd delete this thread too, but people were having too much fun with it by the time we got here.

Cirius

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Re: The Captain's Log
« Reply #85 on: September 26, 2009, 03:48:26 am »

As one, the goblin blacksmiths looked up from their hard labour as a deafening roar reverberated through the dark stone of the demon fortress of R’lyeth. The hammering of armour and blade swiftly came to a halt, replaced by the whispering of the goblin masses. The words were indistinct, but one was repeated by all.

Nganuz.

His name spread quickly through the ranks, uttered in a terrifying rendition of Chinese whispers. Within moments, the mutterings began to rise in volume as the word spread quickly through their midst, rapidly becoming a repeated chant.

Nganuz, Nganuz.

Over a thousand goblin warriors heard the chant, and raised their weapons above their heads. Razor sharp swords, halberds, pikes, some still bearing the stains of their victims, were held aloft in a gross parody of a parade.

Nganuz! Nganuz!

Deep within the fortress cells, the surviving prisoners of the goblins dropped to their bony knees and trembled in terror. Their starving bodies froze in shock at the name, and mindless fear spread through their number as they began to claw at each other in panic. The moans of despair fuelled the chant to rise even higher in volume, as the guards noted their wards’ discomfort.

Suddenly, another roar ripped its way through the fortress, even louder than before. It was a sound as old as time, evoking primal memories of fear in all that heard it. A roar that promised only lingering pain and suffering, to which death would come as a welcome release.

In an instant, the chant vanished, replaced by a silence punctuated only by the sound of a low grumbling breathing.

Nganuz was awake.

***

After almost two days of nothing but swamp, the repetitive vista of the marshlands began to come to an end. Patches of dry land and sturdy terrain, that until now had been a rarity, began to become more frequent. Progress along the muddy road became easier, and before long the caravan found itself returning to a semblance of dry land.

The relief was palpable, almost as evident to any observers of the convoy as the stench of the swamp that lingered in the air around the wagons. As the caravan began to accelerate its pace along the more reasonable roadway, Kubluk was finally sighing with relief as his hangover retreated. Dirulal had since retired to a half empty provisions wagon further down the train, and his grumbling snore rose and fell with the clatter of the wheels. The driver of the lead wagon was also taking a well needed break, and the butcher Tacken had taken the reins. After a brief introduction to the trader, Kubluk quickly found himself enjoying the dwarf’s company.

“Despite what anyone says,” Tacken was insisting, “slugman is actually quite a delicacy. It’s all in how you cook it. The secret, I find, is in the juices. If it’s fired for too long, it grows too tough to handle, but not long enough, and it’s still relatively toxic to dwarves.”

“Doesn’t it disturb you,” Kubluk responded, “slicing up a sentient creature? We’ve brought so many provisions with us, it surprises me that you’d want to look elsewhere.”

Tacken raised an eyebrow. “Sentient? The beasts ambushed a heavily armed dwarven caravan without a second thought. I’d hardly call them thinkin’ creatures. Besides, those provisions back there might need to last us a very long time, so if the options there for a little variety, I’m going to take it. There might come a time when you’re sick of bread and cheeses, and desperate for some slugman meat.”

“I suppose,” Kubluk responded, despite being unable to think of such an occasion off the top of his head.

Suddenly, he looked up with a start at the shout of his name. A dwarf in full plate armour clanked up to the wagon and saluted. He raised his visor to reveal himself as a slightly tired looking Commander Silus, commanding officer of the Helm of Jaws detachment, who were taking their turn as the eyes of the convoy.

“What is it Silus?” Kubluk asked.

Silus pointed down the road. “We are approaching a village, should be upon it in the next few hours. Your orders?”

Kubluk looked surprised. After experiencing the likes of Othtar and the dwarves of the Courageous Bolt, he wasn’t used to military dwarves asking his opinions, let alone his instructions. His brow furrowed in thought.

“Hmm,” he finally responded decisively. “Can we send up a few scouts to take a look around it? It would be a good idea to know what we’re getting ourselves in for.”

Silus snapped a salute. “Very good sir,” he responded, and trotted back in the direction of his men.

Kubluk breathed a sigh of relief, and sat back. Out of the corner of his eye, he spotted Othtar looking in his direction. Wordlessly, the soldier raised his hand in a salute, and gave him a slight nod, their eyes fixed on eachother. Kubluk nodded back, and couldn’t help feeling like he’d passed some kind of test.
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Arch-Bishop Cirius started at the ringing of the bell, which signalled the arrival of a pilgrim with a problem to throw at him. It was always a problem. Nobody ever came to say the hymns with him... Or say happy birthday.

Welcome to Spiritwood

Cirius

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Re: The Captain's Log
« Reply #86 on: September 26, 2009, 03:50:45 am »

In related news, the story of Spiritwood, (as this tale should technically be known), has just breached 10,000 words. In celebration, I have just been to Tesco to buy myself a chocolate bar.

Hoozah!

nyomnyomnyom.
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Arch-Bishop Cirius started at the ringing of the bell, which signalled the arrival of a pilgrim with a problem to throw at him. It was always a problem. Nobody ever came to say the hymns with him... Or say happy birthday.

Welcome to Spiritwood

Jackrabbit

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Re: The Captain's Log
« Reply #87 on: September 26, 2009, 03:55:00 am »

Nom for your life man, you deserve it.
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Tack

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Re: The Captain's Log
« Reply #88 on: September 26, 2009, 04:12:04 am »

CHOCOLATE!
I feel like chocolate now.
nomnomnomnom.

Ready to post again?
« Last Edit: September 27, 2009, 05:34:32 am by Tack »
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Sentience, Endurance, and Thumbs: The Trifector of a Superpredator.
Yeah, he's a banned spammer. Normally we'd delete this thread too, but people were having too much fun with it by the time we got here.

Teach

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Re: The Captain's Log
« Reply #89 on: September 27, 2009, 11:57:08 am »

Slugman is a delicacy.
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