Print

Please login or register.
1 Hour 1 Day 1 Week 1 Month Forever
Login with username, password and session length

[MetalGear]

(Holy carp, I think this this is my 4th post on this forum this week. I think I'm just trying to get attention)

It was just an ordinary day in my fortress of Stonehammer when my Gem Cutter  got possessed by unknown forces and claimed a Jewelers Workshop. I was exited to get my first artifact. I looked at his demands...
"rough...colour"
"bars...metal"

Rough gems and metal bars huh?
        I didn't have any rough gems, but I knew where there was a cluster of them in my mines. So he gets a rough topaz and is now waiting for the bar. I though I had a horn silver bar in my stockpiles, but it turned out to be a horn silver BLOCK. Should've payed more attention on the trade screen. I desperately start searching around my fort. Hmmm...a -steel crossbow-? Well, no-one's using it, right? So I order it to be smelted. Urist McSmelter takes it to the magma smelter and begins the process. He finishes and walks away.
I check the smelter with "t". Nothing. I check his inventory. Nothing. Just in case, I check the bar stockpile. Nothing. (My bar pile is a loooooooooong way from my smelter so I would have seen anyone carrying it).
So, I get ready for another death and station my soldiers around the workshop in case he tries to kill someone.
Suddenly, I get a message that my miners, which are digging out new bedrooms, have struck limonite. We're saved! Throwing all those virgins into a magma pipe did work! Armok has smiled upon us and my Gem Cutter gets to live!
I quickly smelt me some iron and the Gem Cutter gets to work. Several days days later he emerges holding Brokendebts, an artifact iron amulet decorated with topaz and worth 84000 dorfbucks.
Brokendebts was stashed away in my finished goods stockpile among all the regular stone amulets and nobody ever spoke of it again.
So, we lost a steel crossbow, found a source of iron, quadrupled the value of our fortress and we all learned a valuable lesson.

The End.

[Elliott_Thinas]

I kept waiting for you to say:
"And then the orcs arrived, lured in by my incredible wealth, and my champion crossbowman rushed out to defeat him. To my surprise, rather than unleashing a deathly hail of -Horse Bone Bolts- he attempted to punch out the orc cleavers with his fists. I checked his inventory to see what was going on and saw he was UNARMED. As I realized my foolishness he hacked off my crossbowman's head, then him and his crew proceeded to slaughter every last dwarf, wodwarf and child and then carry off their newly found amulet. THE END"

[GoneWacko]

(I think I'm just trying to get attention)

I think so too.

[martinuzz]

When melting objects back down to their material bars, you will get back only a portion of the bars used in creating it. Values under 1 bar are remembered though, so quite possibly, the next steel crossbow you'd melt yields a steel bar.

[Vester]

Don't worry about your number of posts. I apparently average 40 posts per day.

Anyway, I'd be amused if you actually did throw virgins into the magma pipe.

[florian]

Dwarves procreate by using spores, so in human terms they are virgins throughout their whole life.

[Dorf3000]

Dwarves procreate by using spores, so in human terms they are virgins throughout their whole life.

I was going to ask "... how can you tell which ones are virgins?"  but I think you've saved us all from some very unpleasant images.

[Satarus]

Well since the dwarves are all good little christian dwarves, all your unmarried dwarves should be virgins still.

[calrogman]

Well since the dwarves are all good little Armokian dwarves, all your unmarried dwarves should be having daily orgies by the age of 14.

Fix'd.

[Demonic Spoon]

So that's why all my dwarves want to party all the time... 

[Lord Dakoth]

Well since the dwarves are all good little christian dwarves, all your unmarried dwarves should be virgins still.

My ass. Dwarves do it in the barracks, for Armok's sake.

[DeathOfRats]

Well since the dwarves are all good little christian dwarves, all your unmarried dwarves should be virgins still.

My ass. Dwarves do it in the barracks, for Armok's sake.

Dwarves do your ass in the barracks?  Ooookay, I could have lived without knowing that