Blue crawled out of the river and up onto the pier. There were two jesters performing extreme fishing, but they were too busy to notice him. Blue ran to the palace, and into a side door. He sat in Zyrius's rooms until he came back.
"Blue!" Zyrius cried "What on earth have you done to yourself?"
"Well sir, I encountered a wall in the mountains to the west. It was guarded"
"And they attacked you? Dammit, why?"
"Well, they tried to pick me up."
"What are you saying, blue?"
"I suppose I might of bit him a little"
"BLUE, WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?"
"He started it!"
"HE TRIED TO PICK YOU UP!"
"He asked for it! His hand was fine, anyway. He attacked me with his club too and I only just got away!"
"YOU DIDN'T EVEN KILL HIM?"
"Er, no?"
"NOW ALL HIS FRIENDS KNOW ABOUT OUR VIOLENT WAYS! BLUE, YOU- YOU- YOU- AARGH!"
"Chill, man!"
Zyrius took a deep breath.
"Yes. Relax. Ok. What did the man look like?"
"Cat man. Like the babies, but bigger"
"Ok. Ok. I can deal with this, no worries. Come here blue, we'll get you fixed up"
Zyrius picked up blue and put him in a box. Which he locked from the outside. He flipped a coin. It landed unhappy face up. He nodded, satisfied, and took the box to a carpenters workshop. He explained the situation. The carpenter laughed. Evilly. A voice from the box said: "Hey, what's going on?"
"No worries, little man" said the carpenter. "All the pain is going to go away. Ah ha ha. Mwahahahaha!!"
Later they threw the wood chips into a compost heap.
It was with great relief that Zyrius spoke with the cat man that came looking for Blue. And no complaints about sending a letter instead of a diplomat- jesters out of reach of the law tended to act unpredictably. And they needed some predictability now.
Red ran south along the beach. He was late- it was nearly new year, and he had a few months of travel before he made it back to Karne Falls. He was not paying much attention to his surroundings- he had come this way before, a few months ago.
But then he saw smoke. Red hissed and ran off the beach, and into the undergrowth. He crept up on the beachy camper. Sitting by an overturned boat, roasting some fish over a fire, was a fox-man. As Red peered through the bushes the man looked up and saw him. The man nervously called out (in a strange tongue) "What manner of creature are you?"
Red hesitated, then said: "That depends. What manner of creature are you?"
"I am an Inari."
Inari. Never heard of them. Well, he was trusting, at least. "Hee hee hee. I am a puppet, can't you see?"
"And..and where is your master then? I have stranded here on this beach, and can't get home, I need his help"
"Hee hee hee. You need my help? Why should I give it to you? Hee hee hee. Actually, no, I will help you. What do you need?"
"The storm has ripped my sail. Without it, I can not sail home over the ocean, the currents are not right for that. Also, water and food to sustain me on the long trip."
Red focussed his mind and a small boat, not unlike the upturned boat, appeared on the beach. An illusion, of course.
"Hee hee. Take this boat here. It is filled with all the food and water you need, and a working sail"
The man walked up to the boat. He tried to get in, but fell right through.
"Hee hee hee hee!"
"What in the name of..."
"Did you really think I would just help you?"
"Cruel puppet, why must you taunt me so? Please, tell me what you want in exchange for your help"
The gullible fool tugged on Red's deeply-buried heartstring (singular). Ah, come on. Random annoyance is, after all, not everything.
"Hee hee hee. I cannot help you here, I am a mere puppet. An illusion is all I can conjour. Perhaps at my home you can find someone to help you? If you wish, I will lead you there."
"Yes please, that would be very, very kind of you"
"Hee hee hee hee. Pack your things then, and I will lead you back."
The man took a waterskin, raped some dried fish in a piece of sail cloth, and said he was ready.
Red led the man south, to the edge of the delta, and then west. The swamp creatures stayed away from Red, so the trip went without incident. They reached the farming village after a month or so of travelling. As they walked through the farms, the man (who's name, was, apparently Tsubasa) asked if this was it.
"We won be there for a long time, hee hee. This is a small stop for food and rest. Not that I need either"
They walked up the entry ramp to the village and Red knocked on the wicker gate in the wall. A human jester came to greet them.
"What have you dragged in now, Red?" asked the man. Tsubasa looked confused.
"Hee hee, he wants help, he says" replied Red.
"And why should we help you, hey?" the man asked Tsubasa. Tsubasa looked confused.
"Dammit red, translate for me. The stupid thing doesn't speak common"
Red repeated his sentence word for word. Tsubasa seemed uncaring for the insult.
"I have not much I can over in return. But my family at home, they are quite wealthy. I am sure they will reward you properly" he said in reply to the earlier question.
"Pfft, I don't want riches from you. Red, you can come in. We'll set up a tent outside for your friend"
"Thank you, thank you for the shelter."
The jesters gave Tsubasa gruel to eat that night, and when the day came, they shooed him off.
Red didn't care. He didn't really want to hang around.
They reached Karne Falls eventually. Red led Tsubasa into the palace. Tiny was sitting down inside.
"Hello?" said Tsubasa.
Tiny looked up. "Hello. Can I help you?"
"A few months ago, my boat stranded on your beach. One of your ..puppets, or whatever they are found me, and told me that I could find help here. I need a new sail, and some supplies to make it over the ocean. I beg you, please, lend me your aid."
"I see. Well, we jesters are well known for our hospitality. Our... king is busy right now. I'll have someone find you a house and some food. Make yourself comfortable"
"That is very generous, but really, all I need is some sailing cloth and supplies. I have a family at home, and want to hold them again."
"Oh, but we insist you stay for a while. You have had a long journey, and must be tired."
"Y..yes, thank you"
"Wonderful. I shall call for someone to show you around"
"Thank you kindly"
Tiny fetched Adorable and told her to set Tsubasa up in an empty house. And to be nice. Find out about his lands.
Adorable led Tsubasa outside and along the streets.
"So, what manner of creature are you?"
"We call ourselves the Inari. We live across the ocean, eastwards from here"
"Ah? Tell me about your lands"
"The land across the ocean is mostly covered in wast grassland and conifer forests. There are many rivers, and it rains quite often. It seems to be quite the opposite of your dry land."
"It does rain here, about three days a year. And the river floods every year. But what of the people who live in your lands? What are you like?"
"We are peaceful farmers and fishers. We have settled in that land to put an end to the war with an enemy that would not stop fighting with us."
"I see. You must tell us more of your land some time, later. You can use this house whilst you are here. I'm sure you'll find your way around. Come back to palace if you're hungry"
They had arrived at a small house. Adorable opened the door.
"Thank you, thank you"
When Zyrius heard there was a foreigner in the city, he immediately declared that no man was to trick, gamble, attack, or in any way annoy him on penalty of death. Good first impressions were essential, he said. And so Tsubasa spent a few uneventful days in the city.
One day, after eating at the palace, he was asked to stay. The king, Tiny, and several other jesters joined him in a back room.
Zyrius greeted him. "Ah, our esteemed visitor. So good of you to join us"
"My pleasure"
"Well, I am sure that we can arrange something. Indeed, we were thinking of sending an expedition of our own to the east soon. They would certainly be glad to have a... native to guide them"
"I will be glad to guide you, if you need me"
Wonderful, Zyrius thought. Perhaps he did not have to worry so much.
"Wonderful, wonderful. You have no idea how glad that makes me... Say, hmmn, whatever your name is, do you like... games?"
"My name is Tsubasa, and...I guess I like games. What game in particular do you have in mind?"
"Oh, a simple gambling game. We jesters like games very much. Do you have anything of value with you, perhaps?"
"I am afraid the storm robbed me of everything"
"Well never mind, we should give you a gift of goodwill. I shall give you the chance to play a game once for free. Cards, dice, or coins?"
"I don't know the rules of your card games, so I will try the dice"
"Dice it is! The rules are simple. You throw your die. You can keep it, or throw again. You may throw three times. Once you keep a die, I throw, and try to beat your die. Say you throw a one, pass, throw a five, keep, and then I throw a two, I pass, then I throw a six, and I win. Do you understand?"
"I understand"
Zyrius passed Tsubasa a die. Tsubasa threw it. It came up a two. Tsubasa threw again. A three. Tsubasa frowned. He threw again. Another three.
"Your throws are up. My go."
Zyrius took the die and threw it. It bounced across the table and landed a six.
"I win"
"You are a lucky man."
"Luck makes the world go round, my friend"
"Yes, our people believe that too"
"You do? Wonderful, it is rare to find people who share our beliefs in that regard. So often I hear talk of science and gods, magic and percentages"
"It is true that it is wise to...tamper with luck a little, but in the end, luck alone can be a strong ally"
"Ah, no, you must never tamper with luck! That's, well, bad luck. The viewers do not like cheaters"
"Viewers?"
"Yes, viewers. Life is as a play, I always say. And the success of the actor is determined by the viewers. We must endaveour to lead entertaining lives, in order that we may be rewarded in death. Or so we believe"
"I..think I understand what you mean"
"Hmm. Well, we are just putting the finishing touches on our ocean expedition. You can leave in a few days. In the meantime, you remain our guest. Feel free to ask if you want anything"
"Thank you"
What to do?
Firstly, get that fox man out of here and find out how powerful his country is.
Build our own wall in the mountain pass. Make it clear that jesters are not to be messed with.
Build some watchtowers around the place. Stick a puppet in each. Check if the cat people or fox people have longspeak amulets or something similar.
Grow. Food supplies are not short, but if they were less short we will grow even faster. The undead chappies are good hunters, have them get to that. We need more than just food, though. We need more metal. Get some people to look for veins. Hmmn, maybe buy some of that obsidian from the cat people? Look into that.
“Sir?”
“Yes?”
“When can we set off for the eastern sea?”
“Are you ready, then?”
“Yes sir.”
“Excellent. Yes, you can leave in two days time. You know you are taking the fox man?”
“Yes sir.”
“You know you are not to harm, fool, or trick him?”
“Yes sir.”
“Good. Now, when you arrive in the foreign lands, I want you to be friendly. Acquire maps. Investigate their society. Evaluate their strength. Take these letters with diplomatic crap to their leaders. Once, and only once you have done that, I want you to evaluate their sense of humour. Take a jester’s chest. Take cards. Take dice. Start with simple games, but offer good prizes. Not the best, but not the worst, either. And offer influential people free plays. Ramp up the games slowly, and don’t scare them. I trust you trust in your ability to tell when a gambler is nervous?”
“Yes sir.”
“Good. Tell Tiny to come in when you leave”
“Yes, M’lord?”
“Get some merchants to go visit the cat people. And get some builders to go with them. The mountain pass that the cat people guard... we will guard it too. They can hardly complain. In fact, have the builders build some houses there, and some warehouses. The merchants are to purchase obsidian, as a temporary measure against the lack of metal. On that note, find some prospectors. We need to build mines.”
“Yes, M’lord. What should the merchants offer in return?”
“Anything. Make sure one of them knows conjuring and tell him to offer samples”