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[Vester]

If I ever move down there, I get to be shogun of Texas. Or actually if it's just Texas, I think I'd be a Daimyo...

I dunno, Texas is basically bigger than my entire friggin' country.

You could call yourself Emperor of Texas and you'd be completely accurate.

[JoshuaFH]

I don't see how the old feudal Japanese method of governing applies at all to Texas. You know, what with it being like Monarchy, in the sense that it depended on royalty and nobility in a way, and Texas having no one of such merit.

If they got a DRAGON however, then a King might show up. Yep, a king is always destined to show up and slay a dragon. So if we get a dragon, then a king will show up, slay the dragon, then we'll have a king of Texas.

So where do we get a Dragon?

[DJ]

I heard Aqizzar once slew a huge gila monster.

[JoshuaFH]

I heard Aqizzar once slew a huge gila monster.

Those gila monsters are nasty little lizards. They'll clamp down on ya so hard, you'll need to cut their heads off to make'em let go. Bunch of'em in Nevada too.

[Vester]

Gila monsters are poisonous, so that should count for a dragon.

Although I can't imagine someone becoming king of Texas by virtue of killing a lizard.

[JoshuaFH]

Not a lizard, a DRAGON! There's a difference you see.

One is small, and puny and makes an adorable pet to keep in a home aquarium filled with sand, and the other lives in caves, breathes fire, eats knights, kidnaps maidens, and hoards gold!

We might need to make use of Nevada's unnaturally high radiation levels to bump up that Gila Monster to ATLEAST two-story house-size.

But we'll need a way to transport the monster from Nevada to Texas. Mayhaps we could lure someone from Reno to the Monster, and have him eaten. Most likely his body would be so full of narcotic substances that the monster would pass out right away. Then we can place it on a flatbed truck, throw a tarp over him, and make our way back to Texas.

Then, once in Texas, we let him loose, and DESTINY will harken a true king to come vanquish the beast, and then we'll have a king. It's that simple!

[Aqizzar]

So we're gonna use a diet of meth-head gamblers and nuclear bombs to make a gila lizard grow to unnaturally prodigious size, drug it's brains out more than the meth-heads did, then set it loose on a rampage in Texas, and hesoever who slayeth yonder cracked out giant horny toad will be crowned the First Shogun of Texas.

This is a plan I can get behind.

[Vester]

I'm thinking radioactive poison-phlegm instead of fire breath.

Hmm... Also, you can handle the "hoards gold" part by taking the Gila monster Dragon unholy abomination to Vegas and stuffing him with slot machine winnings, preferably with winner still attached.

I have no idea where you're going to find maidens, though... maybe those can wait until Texas.

Anyway if Aqizzar's killed a Gila monster he should have no problem with this one. Nope, none at all.

[Aqizzar]

Anyone else thinkin' DF mod?  'Cause I'm thinkin' DF mod.

I fear my gila monster slaying has been exaggerated.  They're no problem to be sure, but it's not like I'm putting it on my résumé or anything.  Although there was that time I faced down a horde of Oma Flies.  Oma Flies look and act just like ordinary houseflies, except they're bigger than your thumbs.  That was a fun summer.

[JoshuaFH]

We might have to prepare for the possibility that, since Meth is a stimulant, feeding it Meth addicts will make it go flippin' crazy. Best to give him Potheads and barbiturate-stuffed vagrants instead.

Also, we might want to pass out fliers all around Texas a few weeks in advance to let people know what proper dragon-fight-etiquette is, so they don't just go killing it with guns and such. A real king will use a sword, and shield and hauberk!

There's also the fact that there isn't a CASTLE for the King to live in! Some nice homes and skyscrapers, yes, but nothing like a castle. We're gonna need one of those.

What would this DF mod entail anyhow?

[Vester]

Texans, I hope.

[Aqizzar]

Oh no, it's meth-heads all the way.  We're talking about founding a kingdom here.  Slaying some run of the mill giant lizard baked on Steely Dan fans isn't gonna do the trick.  It has to be a proper challenge.

As for a mod, it'll have to wait for the update, but a giant berserk poison-spewing spiky lizard writes itself.

There's also the fact that there isn't a CASTLE for the King to live in! Some nice homes and skyscrapers, yes, but nothing like a castle. We're gonna need one of those.

Google it newb.

_{Okay, so it's a wedding stage.  I swear there are some cool fucking castles around here, if you don't count the Alamo anyway.}

[Vester]

I dunno about those meth-heads. You might be giving the Gila monster too much of an advantage. We want it to be a suitably epic confrontation, not a curbstomp that starts with the king issuing a formal challenge and ends five seconds later with a crater where half the state used to be.

As to the castle itself, it must be made out of pure Texas oil. I am not sure how that will work. But when it eventually gets set on fire, the entire castle will be a testament to the epicness of the deed that won it.

Sort of like a funeral pyre, only no one's dead. Yet.

[Jreengus]

I have no idea where you're going to find maidens, though... maybe those can wait until Texas.

Sophia lives in Texas doesn't she? Unless you want to volunteer? Just remember that the saved maiden gets to marry Aqizzar which is an honour many would kill for.

[DJ]

Heh, good job spotting her true intentions.

I think that all maidens interested in getting saved and married by our charming Prince Aqizzar should fight each other to death for that honour.