TURN 27! THE GANG'S ALL HERE!
This is sick.
Exit from tavern and fire cannon into closest packed lizard group.
As for my men.
Attack in your most efficient way. Like healers will stay back and tankers will go in first to soak up damage.
You run out from the tavern to see a massive battle has erupted. A pack of Lizardmen soldiers charges at you, but you fire off a shot before they can arrive. [1] Sadly, without instructions from Axle you have no idea how to use your Power Armor. The cannon fizzles and crackles, but no shot fires.
My dragonlancers and I pretend that we have no purpose in this battle (we can't be linked to the pirates, we're dwarves!). We attempt to find a weapon enchanter who can infuse my axe with thunder.
[1] You find the enchanting shop, but you notice a sign on the locked door saying "Gone to Lunch/Destruction of Heathens".
tell Nk'tosh G'vallowlk to wait until the end of the turn and use necromancy on any dead bodies that sprout up.
have the 3 skellies be my bodyguards for this battle, call upon Armok: "My God, these heathens say that you are False and apathetic, but I know you are My Lord, THE God of Blood. I call upon you to protect my brothers and sisters in this up coming battle, Bless their aim, and guard their backs, let none of them fall this faithful day. The battle promises to be long and the losses massive, but we know that this day we WILL prevail in your name. BLOOD FOR THE BLOOD GOD!!!"
Enter the fray after making sure all my equipment is equipped.
Nk'tosh obeys, and draws back to the rear of the battlefield where he may keep watch for any corpses to arise.
[4+1] Armok hears you, and sees that not only are your soldiers prepared to receive his blessing, but your foes believe that he is no god at all. He will prove them wrong this day. (+2 to all allied soldiers' rolls, excluding Lord Earnest and his men.)
Finally, you don the equipment you've gathered, and then slip on the Ring. You are absorbed by a euphoria as the power absorbs you. [1] Suddenly, the power surges and you lose all control. The spirit of the warrior in your ring takes control of you and charges at one of the nobles, swinging your weapon with a bestial fury. [5+3] You cut through the head of the nobles horse, knocking him to the ground. As the man struggles to stand in his heavy armor, you swing down on his head, as an executioner would, decapitating him.
Seeing that you have lost control Armok suppresses the spirit in your ring, [5] but is mildly surprised by its fighting spirit as he does so. He seems to have forgotten that he made the ring to begin with.
I'll try to increase the speed and accuracy of my marksmanship on those crocs! (from the safety of some semi-distant building, of course). Olgar shall instruct me, naturally.
[1+2] Despite your efforts you are unable to get a shot at the Crocs, who hide behind the chaos of the melee to avoid archer fire.
I fire a single arrow at the Lizardmen's leader then hide.
[6+2] You see Kk'Thillik standing at the rear, attempting to cast some sort of spell. You notch an arrow and let it fly, when suddenly he throws up a barrier! He had seen you, and was attempting to deflect your attack! [3] The projectile is split in half by the forcefield, and drops to the ground motionless. The shamanistic lizard drops the field and continues marshaling his troops.
Since the town is in riot... Gather a group of haulers and LOOT THE ENTIRE DAMN BOOKSTORE! Keep an eye on interesting books, as in: Ancient books, or mechanical books, or magic books,
If someone objects, inform him politely that I'm AXLE GODDAMN TWO HOLES GEAR, ALSO KNOWN AS RAPTOR GOBLIN JESUS.
[1] As you try to gather a mob to break into the store, a bearded man walks up to you and suggests that it might be best if you leave the store be, and help your friends instead. You then declare that they have no say over what you do because you are "AXLE GODDAMN TWO HOLES GEAR, AKA GOBLIN JESUS!"
A bright smile splits the man's face, and he replies "No fooling? What a coincidence, I'm human Jesus!"
... Words cannot describe the level of awkward that fills the air.
"You know what? Let's just leave. Should this town be destroyed, it will be no loss to the world."
Leave. Should I be force to fight, find that head monk and redefined his definition of pain.
After smacking your fellow pirate for starting this massive brawl, you attempt to flee town, [4] only for the Grandmaster Monk to stop you in your tracks. He is wielding a quarterstaff, and says in the name of Yath'we he shall destroy you and your demonic magic.
You crack your knuckles, and begin to ponder in what way you shall annihilate him.
I shall lead my troops towards the battle field, and whenever an enemy or group of enemies gets in front of us, I will use that air blast that killed the captain, on them.
With you unsure of quite where to head on the battlefield, your men split up and begin to head off in different directions, to fight the enemy wherever they can find them.
You, however, notice the 6 monks are standing in your path. Before you can begin to imagine where their leader has gone, you blast a ball of wind towards them, [1+3+2] bowling them over like a house of cards. ([1][3][5][4][5][5]) The wind is knocked out of the closest one, and he merely doubles over. The next two closest are not as lucky, as the first hits a tree and his spine is snapped; the second simply explodes into gore. The remaining 3 gather together and cast some sort of spell, and a group of trees blocks the wind.
Oh, hell.
Druids.
kill everything that aint ours with swords and glaring!
5 of the Saurii on the opposing side charge you, and you respond with a threatening glare. [2+4] They are stopped in their tracks, terrified, and you leap into them blades in hand! You spin on your heel, striking 4 of them at once! [5][3][2][3] You only manage to strike one, cutting open his torso and spilling his guts onto the battlefield.
Arg, go to loot some chemicals in the city like booze,piosen or ancient things like tear of the frost dragon
[5] During the carnage you manage to find an alchemist's shop and burst inside. You see dozens of ingredients, most of which you have never even seen; you gather them up greedily, and begin to make trips back and forth from your cart at the staging area. (+1 to Alchemy)
Allied ActionsCharge Kk'Thillik with Elegost!
Already aware that Elegost would rather not fight innocent civilians, Boozebeard instead suggests that they go and handle the Lizardmen's leader instead. He agrees and the two charge. Before they can reach him, however, they are cut off by the squad of 13 Crocs. Already having lost one limb, Boozebeard does not fear losing another, as he knows the pain well enough. He roars like only an insane and drunk dwarf can, and leaps into them! A massive cleave with his axe catches six of the monstrosities at once!
[3+2][5+2][5+2][3+2][5+2][4+2] The beasts are caught off guard, and 3 hit the ground dead before the others can even react. [4][3][5] One laughs as he realizes that he missed he and his two companions, only to be cut off as they both fall as well. He leaps backwards into the center of the 7 other Crocs, and hopes secretly that no more attacks come.
Kill the remaining Crocs
Elegost charges the Crocs alongside Boozebeard, and after the Captain makes his attack he takes his own swing, hitting 4 of the beasts. (Resistant to Badass Decay has kicked in!) [5+3][1+3][3+3][4+7] He lops off the head of two, and then takes a second swing at the other pair. [2+1][3+1] and yet another of the beasts is flayed.
PROTECT 'DA CAPTIN!
Suddenly Ragnarok the Ogre comes crashing into the pile of Crocs before they can take a swing at Boozebeard, using his enormous size to hit all of them at once!
[5+5][3+5][3+5][1+5][3+5][3+5] [1] All but the lucky one hiding from Boozebeard are crushed under the ogre's bulk. The remaining Croc crawls out, and wavers at the sight of three intimidating foes before him.
Save Captain ToonyManner!
As the Lizardmen soldiers charge, First mate Smee and Shamus attack from the flank with five of the crew! [1+2][6+2][6+2][5+2][3+2][2+2][1+2] They capture the Lizardmen by surprise, slaying three on the spot, although two soldiers miss their targets entirely. [5][4] Though the remaining two struggle with their targets, they eventually fell them with might blows.
FORTH, EORLINGAS!
Earnest rides his dragon out into the horde of peasants, swinging at two while his dragon snaps at another three. [6][5][5][3][3] [5][5][3] The peasants flee quickly enough from the dragon to avoid death, but the sword strikes quickly and separates the heads from two of them.
Attack peasants
He performs the same actions as his Lord, attempting to learn his fighting style. [5][5][5][5][6] Though perhaps he is even better at it, as he hits all of his targets. [1][4][1][6][6] Three of them are killed, and fall to the bloody ground in various states of ruin.
Snipe the Peasants
The medic/archer squad take aim at the peasant army against them, and fire. [3+2][5+2][4+2][6+2][1+2][6+2][4+2][5+2][4+2][5+2][4+2] [2][4][4][5][5][4] A majority of the shots strike true, slaying ten of the rebellious men and women.
Kick Lizardmen ass.
One of the hordes of Lizardmen soldiers is charged by ToonyManner's melee troops, attempting to overwhelm them with sheer numbers. [5+2][5+2][6+2][5+2][5+2][2+2][1+2][2+2][1+2] [6+2][2+2][5+2][5+2][6+2][6+2][5+2][3+2][5+2] [3+2][2+2][2+2][1+2][6+2] [6][5]
The shocked ambushers are completely annihilated by the swarm of enemies. Not one is left alive by your merciless troops.
Attack the Nobles
Seeing the nobles as the greatest threat, ToonyManner's squad of beastmen charges them, attempting to use momentum to their advantage. [6+3][3+3][1+3][2+3][5+3][2+3] Two are slain in an instant, and the other four nobles are knocked from their mounts onto the ground, where your orcs and ogres tear and rip at them. [4][5][4][6] Even without weapons they are merciless and brutally efficient killers. They rip through the steel armor of the nobles like it was tin, and literally devour and kill them, IN THAT ORDER.
Kill the remaining nobles
Seizing the opportunity made, they attempt to destroy the remaining 7 nobles in a tidal-wave of flesh and iron. [6+2][6+2][6+2][6+2][4+2][3+2][1+2][1+2][5+2][5+2][6+2]
This number was obviously not needed, as the nobles are almost literally drowned in the multitude of soldiers swarming all around them.
Attack!
Finally, the remaining men attempt to finish off the fight, but as they charge a green wall appears. Apparently the monks and the Lizardmen agree that you are the most dangerous foe, and have erected a barrier to keep all forces out, save the ones already inside.
Resurrect things
As the barrier goes up, Nk'tosh attempts to get in a spell to raise as many dead soldiers as he can. [5+2] He gets it in in time and a score of Skeletal Thralls rise up to join the fight. However, he is now cut off from you and can no longer assist in the battle until those monks AND Kk'Thilik are slain.
Enemy actionsKill the heathen Blackriver!
The Grandmaster takes the first shot, attempting to beat you to death with his staff. [5] He hits you in the stomach as hard as he can, [2] but the glorified walking stick bounces off you, shuddering. The Monk is perplexed at your resistance to his attacks, and stands there muttering to himself as he thinks of an alternate strategy.
The Ogre is the real threat!
Seeing that Ragnarok made the most kills out of his three foes, he summons a tangle of vines, attempting to snare him! [2+3] The vines shoot from the ground and nearby trees, lifting the ogre into the air and leaving him stranded there, slowly tightening. [3] However, the Ogre has endured worse, and he grits his teeth and bears the pain with remarkable ease.
Kill the flanking troops!
Irritated by Smee and Shamus' interruption of their assault on ToonyManner, they turn and attack, realizing they outnumber them. [1][5][4][5][2][5][5][6][4][3] [3][3][4][4][3][2][2] The pirates are more experienced and manage to deflect many blows, but two get through and gut a pair of soldiers. They fall to the ground with grimaces of pain and shock still etched on their faces.
Protect the Monks!
Seeing their army fall to pieces, the peasants draw into a defensive circle in an attempt to shield the Monks from any attack.
Kill stonemt!
The remaining four Saurii surround stone and begin to stab at him from all direction with their spears! [4][4][6][6] [3][3][4][6] As the first blow comes in, he jumps out of the way, managing a backflip over the second. But finally the third blow catches his leg and ends his antics. The last Saurii takes his time, and runs you through the chest. [4] It misses the vital organs, but he is knocked unconscious from the pain and is bleeding out fast.
Attack ToonyManner squad 2!
The massive lizards rush ToonyManner's melee force, only slightly outnumbered. Due to their momentum, however, they maintain the advantage. [1][3][5][4][4][4][3][6][1] [6][4][1][1][2][2][4][3][4] [3][3] [2][6][6][5][3][2][6][4][5]
Their sheer size gives them an advantage over the wimpy men and stout but short dwarves. In the initial charge most of ToonyManner's men take a step back, save one dwarf, who is trampled by the Saurii in their charge. In the next few seconds five of the humans in the front rank are impaled on the Saurii' spears and lifted high into the air for all to see, before being tossed aside like broken toys.
Characters:From the Mountainhomes of The Crescent of Dawning, Urist has enjoyed a priveliged life, but always wanted to go on an adventure. So, he decided to learn about being on a boat. He was offered a job, and accepted, not realizing who exactly his employer was.
Has taken as a child by Kobolds and traded to humans, who forced into slavery on a privateer. He has no idea of his Dwarf name but uses Silverlash (a name from an older dwarf that tuaght him English [or whatever we speak on this world]) now that he is free. Is very fierce and is almost too human-like to be around dwarfs.
Flintlock Pistol, silver Ring of Unknown Power; Chainmail of Armok; enchanted cutlass
Great Demon of Armok, Nk'tosh G'vallowlk (slave); 23 Skeletal Warrior Thralls
Navigator; Novice Axedwarf!
Steel Battle Axe; Power Armor with Laser Cannon
Captain of the Fresh-Prince of Tallair
1 Skaven; 1 Wood Elf; 2 High Elfs; 2 Goblins; 2 Dwarves; 25 Humans; 2 Sapphire Knights (Mount: Warhorse) 1 Minotaur, "Rajiv"; 2 Ogres; 1 Mountain Troll, "Urgrost"; 2 Orcs
Proficient Cook/Brewer (+2 to cooking); Dabbling Magic(Not sure what he'll do with it, as he's a dwarf. Probably a plot hook.); Marksdwarf(+1 to archery)
A cook who has traveled the world searching for new exotic dishes and spices. He keeps a chest full of the rarest and most exquisite spices he finds on his journeys, and intends to one day make, as he calls it, "my Feast," the culmination of all his skill and knowledge, with the use of all his precious spice possessions.
Olgar McFlannigenshabenflibenschutz (Companion)
She was sold into slavery to pay off her gambling debts, but the ship she was being taken to her buyer on was destroyed by pirates. After being washed ashore she realised that there was nothing left of her old life and she was better off letting the world think that she was dead. With no place in civilised society she has signed up with a pirate crew and never looked back.
She doesn't gamble any more but has a habit of leaving playing cards that explode.
Very Strong (+2)
Agile
Very Tough
Dabbling Mechanic; Novice Ambusher; Marksgoblin; Dabbling Barterer; Dabbling Energy Operator
Exiled by his own race for being a little nuts, he has taken to become pirate. Has an unhealthy obsession with machinery and technology of all sorts. His ability to actually use two pistols at the same time effectively makes him a valuable asset in each team, as one glance at him tends to make the opponents wish they would have brought their brown pants. Also Jesus in disguise.
One flintlock pistol, one two-shot pistol, steel helmet,
Medic; Novice Rifle-goblin
A Goblin fresh out of medical school (Or, at least that's what they called it), Luke had wished to settle down and start his own private practice. That was, until he was drafted. Luke was forced through basic training, constantly punished for his lack of respect for his officers, and defected as soon as he could.
Flintlock Rifle; Plate Armor; Four-shot rifle
Duelist; Legendary Wind Mage; Dabbling Negotiator
Born to noble descent, "killer" quickly realized that spending his life in a castle was not meant for him, his years as a noble taught him some basic magic skills, and dueling, as the other nobles often did. Killing his guards, and losing his old name, Khan escaped to the high seas.
Rapier; Flintlock Pistol; Leather Armor
Destroyed a fleet and a town with a tornado.
Captain of the Tallow-Gem
33 Humans; 8 Saurii; Sir Thellren (Mount: Wyvern)
Proficient Glaring (+2); Dual-Wielder (+1)
*stares off into the distince for a second* "i dont like that subject"
Two cutlasses; Adamantine chain shirt
Great Alchemist (+2); Dabbling Brewer
Flintlock pistol and cutlass
Jets is a young Skrill ,that pursued his dream to become an pirate; while his parents disagreed he ran away from home until he became a member of a pirate group
Flintlock Pistol; Steel Cutlass
Title: Ruiner of Plots; Suicide Rat
Allies:Extremely Tough (+2)
Very Agile
Captain of the Ozymandias
Steel Plate armor and greaves, Steel Shield, Steel Axe
Captain of the Ozymandias
7 High Elves; 2 Skaven; 8 dwarves; 30 humans; 1 Sapphire Knight Templar (Mount-Griffin); 7 Sapphire Knights (Mount-Warhorse)
Extremely Tough (+2)
Strong
Grandmaster of the Order of the Sapphire, Lord of Udragoth
Steel Plate armor and greaves, Steel Shield, Steel Longsword; Mount: Blue Dragon "Glimmerscale"
Grandmaster of the Order of the Sapphire, Lord of Udragoth
22 Sapphire Knights (Mount: Warhorse), 26 Peasants
Banished from the Ogre Kingdoms, Ragnarok makes his living as the bodyguard and servant of Captain Boozebeard. They have served together for years, and he has sharpened his combat skills on many a foe.
Legendary Wrestler; Necromancer
This Demon was only now created. Do with him as you will, Diakron
Former and Current First mate of the Fugly Duckling, now the Fresh-Prince of Tallair.
Cutlass, pirate-y clothing
Strong(+1)
Extremely Tough
Very Agile
Steel Plate armor and greaves, Steel Two-handed sword
Strong(+1)
Extremely Tough
Very Agile
Mithril Plate armor and greaves, Steel Two-handed sword; Mount: White Wyvern
Deafening his opponents with his screeching voice.
There's nothing to say that he hasn't already told you, in his own, pain-inflicting way.
Probably something really awesome.
Shrouding Robes; The Sword of Fuck-You-Up
Resistant to Badass Decay (+1 to all rolls after the first ten turns he exists in.)
EnemiesGrandmaster of an order of Monks who have shunned the old gods in favor of their own creations.
Grand Master Shaman (+2 to all Shamanistic Spells)
Leader of a tribe of Lizardmen neighboring Udragoth. He was probably going to outright invade the place before you showed up.
10 Lizardmen Soldiers; 24 Saurii; 1 Croc
Shaman spell component bag; Two-handed Iron Sword.
Techinically God, but let's go with Human
He's Jesus. Is that not enough?
Prisoners1 Fire Mage
Environment:The barrier set up by the magic-users on the enemy side has surrounded the entire field, and no one not already in combat may join until the shield is down.
Locations:A vicious-looking sloop, with a blood-red paint, carrying 16 cannon and already looted treasures inside!
A small, sorry-looking sloop, carrying a dozen cannons and is painted white with a green trim. Possibly the ugliest thing you've ever seen float besides its previous incarnation, the Mad Hatter.
A large, sleek and black frigate with 32-cannons.
The Northern Coast of the Kingdom of Crystals' territory
An isolated port that rarely gets visitors, the people here are very prejudiced and spiteful of outsiders, especially non-human ones. Home to the zealous Order of the Sapphire, headed by Lord Earnest, ruler of Udragoth.
Let me know if I've made any errors.
And I know I have, somewhere... I just haven't found them yet. But in other news, GOOD LORD I SHOULDN'T HAVE CREATED THIS SIDEQUEST. I've been at this for 3 hours. I'm absolutely terrified now, as I've come to realize that this battle was
too small to be a challenge. At this rate, I'll need to make hundreds of Lizardmen to even make a dent in your forces.
Also, Jesus is here. Yay...?
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Topic: ARRRRRR T D! Turn 35! Redwall Has Nothing on Cookie (Read 56464 times)