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[Glacial Eidolon]

So I was thinking today... what, exactly, do Dwarven philosophers do?

And then, I had a glimpse into their world...

Law 1: Elves claim to be the oldest sentient being in the world.
Law 2: Elves are stuck-up, lying, hypocritical snobs.
Law 3: Elves hate dwarves with a passion.
Law 4: Jealousy is a strong cause for dislike.
Law 5: The Elves lie, and they are not the oldest being in the world.
Law 6: Elves are jealous of Dwarves, causing their dislike. Therefore, Dwarves are the oldest beings on the planet.
Law 7: Even our oldest ancestors drank beer.
Law 8: Beer is a good thing.
Law 9: Good things take obscene amounts of time to create.
Law 10: Therefore, beer could not have been created in our predecessor's lifetimes.
Law 11: Beer was around before dwarves.
Law 12: The gods were the first things ever.
Law 13: Beer is a god.
Law 14: ALL HAIL BEER!

Hence, dwarven philosophy.

I was wondering, however: what else do dwarven philosophers think of? What goes through their work-deprived minds as they toil away in their tiny rooms while magma floods the mandating, (more) useless nobles' chambers?

Be creative, and be tasteful!

[Bricks]

I imagine the philosopher spends most of his time categorizing the weird behavior that confirm his epiphanies that break the fourth wall.  Toady's goal is to convince the philosopher that Toady does not exist.

[TheDJ17]

The Philosopher is the Deadpool of Dwarves.

[Glacial Eidolon]

Another idea: why are pig tail socks so strong against everything in existence?

Law 101: Humans and elves are weak.
Law 102: Humans and elves grow above-ground crops.
Law 103: Dwarves grow below-ground crops.
Law 104: Dwarves are strong and durable.
Law 105: Dwarf fortresses are known to be sturdy, strong, and magma-filled, with an occasional atom-smasher.
Law 106: Dwarves subsist entirely on a diet of underground crops and booze.
Law 107: Dwarves are tough.
Law 108: Your metabolism converts the food you eat into skin, flesh, and bones.
Law 109: Therefore, underground crops are, likewise, tough.
Law 110: Pig tails, while not edible, are also underground crops raised in the same conditions as the other plants.
Law 111: Therefore, pig tails are powerful.
Law 112: Pig tail socks, which use pig tails to create, are therefore even more powerful than regular pig tail plants.
Law 113: Therefore, every underground plant that can be used to create clothing items is godlike in strength when turned into a sock.
Law 114: Pig tails are the only underground plant that can be used to create clothing items.
Law 115: Therefore, pig tails are the strongest plant available to dwarfkind.
Law 116: Likewise, since dwarves have access to all underground plants, and underground plants are the strongest plants, pig tails are the strongest plant.
Law 117: Pigs do not exist.
Law 118: Therefore, even though pig tails wouldn't exist, they still do.
Law 119: Therefore, pig tails defy reality.
Law 120: Armok defies reality and is very powerful.
Law 121: Pig tails are, thusly, Armok's rightful avatar on this earth.

I think I'm making a headway into the dwarven mind. If I can rationalize pig tail socks being extremely powerful and beer being a god, then I can rationalize almost anything about this game...

Anyone else got some fun, incredibly convoluted dwarfy ideas for the ages?

[Sensei]

The humans would
have you know,
strength,
requires discipline.
But the humans
are so weak,
and calm.
Many kindred
win through rage
so strength
requires anger.

[Glacial Eidolon]

The humans would
have you know,
strength,
requires discipline.
But the humans
are so weak,
and calm.
Many kindred
win through rage
so strength
requires anger.

Impossible! Goblins are weak wusses that only win through sheer numbers. Incidentally, they are angry almost all the time.

Would you be saying that goblins are stronger than dwarves due to their anger and rage...? Are you simply a goblin impostor? Are you the reason goblins are size 6 instead of size 2...?

Quick, say "Magma" seven times fast while spamming a message that says "Sensei cancels Dig: Attending Party!" and subsequently butchering a cat! That'll prove your dwarfiness!

[Sensei]

Kobolds are weak,
for they fight amongst
themselves;
They've come to seek,
treasure unearned
Armies lost
in self denial.
Unordered rage;
is a tantrum spiral.

[jaked122]

Orcs are strong,
for they kill their injured
they are evil:
armies fight against the dwarves,
many shall fall, but not without the dwarves joining them.

[The13thRonin]

Law 1: I should scratch my beard, it makes me look more thoughtful.
Law 2: Damn I'm bored, why do they only grow plump helmets here?
Law 3: I can haz parties?
Law 4: I have achieved what no other noble could ever achieve through unreasonable mandates. I have delved the fortress into utter chaos through chain-partying. Now the overseers can move on this begotten place!
Law 5: Not lazy enough... Must multitask... Scratch beard and party at same time.
Law 6: NO, NO, NOT THE DRAW-BRID...

[Veroule]

Dwarven newborns are the strongest warriors in the world.  After losing hammer and shield a mother is blessed to give birth in battle.  For that newborn shields the mother and hammers her foes.

Dwarven babies are the strongest armor in the world.  A mother girded with suckling babies can run straight into a squad of archers and hammer all of them without being scratched.

Goblin thinking:
Dwarven children are weak.  They easily fit into a bag and never fight back.  Try stuffing a dwarven baby in a bag and you will probably be the one in the bag with the baby dragging you back to its home.

[Rowanas]

Lack of heat causes death
Clothes stop lack of heat
However, burning also causes death
only clothes can burn
Removing all clothing will stop burning
But then lack of heat will be suffered
To make up for lack of heat, must find heat
Magma is hot
Magma pipes refill infinitely
Magma therefore creates infinite heat
If lack of heat is death, then infinite heat is infinite life
Exposing yourself to magma will make you live forever, but clothes will burn
Removing all clothes and running naked into magma will make you live forever.

[Sensei]

I'd call you absurd if my dwarves didn't keep doing that.

[Shadovarn]

A dwarven fortress without overly complex structures and traps that generally defy normal physics is not dwarven.
At best: human
At worst: Elven.
Dwarves aren't humans, so normal physics don't apply to us.