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Author Topic: A letter written to the family of a fortress military recruit:  (Read 588 times)

Truean

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Dear Ms. T'fail.

I regret to inform you that your son, Private Doomed T'fail, was killed in a tragic sparing accident. Though this is the 3rd such incident this month to involve my own personal sword, I have concluded that there was no foul play.

Best wishes
General Lee Stabbed'em

(MY capt of the guard is a murderous psycho. He has 9 kills; all recruits.)
« Last Edit: August 10, 2009, 10:38:25 am by Truean »
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The kinda human wreckage that you love

Current Spare Time Fiction Project: (C) 2010 http://www.bay12forums.com/smf/index.php?topic=63660.0
Disclaimer: I never take cases online for ethical reasons. If you require an attorney; you need to find one licensed to practice in your jurisdiction. Never take anything online as legal advice, because each case is different and one size does not fit all. Wants nothing at all to do with law.

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Beanchubbs

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Re: A letter written to the family of a fortress military recruit:
« Reply #1 on: August 10, 2009, 10:41:17 am »

That's nothing. I had a dwarf hospitalize a total of 14 people in his career. 8 of them were elites or champions. That's also not counting his 7 friedly-kills. One of the elites he injured came and killed him in a "sparring accident" after he healed up.
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Yikes, the Orcs have a nasty language.  Traditional foreplay would be right out for them; how would they ever "say my name" for one another?  No wonder Ocrs are always so bloodthirsty and violent, they're getting sub-par action.

Bluerobin

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Re: A letter written to the family of a fortress military recruit:
« Reply #2 on: August 10, 2009, 10:43:38 am »

Yeah... this is the main reason I never seem to get a good military going.  I start out with two or three military dwarves who train each other up to champion then when I get the hordes of migrants and start pouring them into the military they all die in "sparring accidents."  Bah.
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The moment the lever was pulled, somebody's pet kitten stepped onto the bridge. I read somewhere that if a cat falls more than 11 stories, it instinctively flares its legs out to increase air resistance. This slows it down enough to stick the landing with relatively minor injuries. In Dwarf Fortress, apparently, cats don't do that.

Truean

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Re: A letter written to the family of a fortress military recruit:
« Reply #3 on: August 10, 2009, 10:44:57 am »

I said those were his kills.... I didn't say anything about hospitalizations.... ;P. There are plenty of those.... Half my fort has problems from this jerk. Also his career is still ongoing.
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The kinda human wreckage that you love

Current Spare Time Fiction Project: (C) 2010 http://www.bay12forums.com/smf/index.php?topic=63660.0
Disclaimer: I never take cases online for ethical reasons. If you require an attorney; you need to find one licensed to practice in your jurisdiction. Never take anything online as legal advice, because each case is different and one size does not fit all. Wants nothing at all to do with law.

Please don't quote me.

Beanchubbs

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Re: A letter written to the family of a fortress military recruit:
« Reply #4 on: August 10, 2009, 10:45:35 am »

Yeah... this is the main reason I never seem to get a good military going.  I start out with two or three military dwarves who train each other up to champion then when I get the hordes of migrants and start pouring them into the military they all die in "sparring accidents."  Bah.

You need to train everybody up to at least elite wrestler before you give them weapons. Also make sure they have shields equipped during the wrestling training. This minimizes injuries during weapon specialization training.
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Yikes, the Orcs have a nasty language.  Traditional foreplay would be right out for them; how would they ever "say my name" for one another?  No wonder Ocrs are always so bloodthirsty and violent, they're getting sub-par action.