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Author Topic: Disturbing Title  (Read 3516 times)

Beanchubbs

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Disturbing Title
« on: August 09, 2009, 09:40:28 pm »

I have a Champion Hammerdwarf, Thor, who recently earned a very large, very... disturbing title. He just now soloed 2 and a half squads of orc wrestlers and lashers. His new name is "Thor Anvil Pleaded the Tender Virginity". Maybe it's just my immature 14 year old mind but that sounds pretty disturbing when I say it out loud.
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Yikes, the Orcs have a nasty language.  Traditional foreplay would be right out for them; how would they ever "say my name" for one another?  No wonder Ocrs are always so bloodthirsty and violent, they're getting sub-par action.

Vester

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Re: Disturbing Title
« Reply #1 on: August 09, 2009, 09:50:24 pm »

His name is a sentence, which makes it more disturbing/awesome.

Actually I also landed a "virgin" title with one of my Champions, Datan Palacehawks the Angelic Virgin, or something like that. It was ironic because she had like five kids.
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"Land of song," said the warrior bard, "though all the world betray thee - one sword at least thy rights shall guard; one faithful harp shall praise thee."

Beanchubbs

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Re: Disturbing Title
« Reply #2 on: August 09, 2009, 09:58:02 pm »

What's even more intersting is that she (yes I named a she Thor) has no lover/husband and "Is gaurded in relationships with others". Whether it's all by accident, or fate, I cannot say.
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Yikes, the Orcs have a nasty language.  Traditional foreplay would be right out for them; how would they ever "say my name" for one another?  No wonder Ocrs are always so bloodthirsty and violent, they're getting sub-par action.

Vester

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Re: Disturbing Title
« Reply #3 on: August 09, 2009, 10:12:02 pm »

What's even more intersting is that she (yes I named a she Thor) has no lover/husband and "Is gaurded in relationships with others". Whether it's all by accident, or fate, I cannot say.

Considering she probably got that name by smashing goblin/orc skulls, the "Tender" part is in doubt.  ;D
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"Land of song," said the warrior bard, "though all the world betray thee - one sword at least thy rights shall guard; one faithful harp shall praise thee."

Beanchubbs

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Re: Disturbing Title
« Reply #4 on: August 09, 2009, 10:39:51 pm »

She didn't really "smash" per se rather than explode them on impact. She has an +Adamantine War Hammer+. I found bits on and pieces of her victims two z-levels up on my battlements.
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Yikes, the Orcs have a nasty language.  Traditional foreplay would be right out for them; how would they ever "say my name" for one another?  No wonder Ocrs are always so bloodthirsty and violent, they're getting sub-par action.

Vester

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Re: Disturbing Title
« Reply #5 on: August 09, 2009, 10:42:21 pm »

It suddenly becomes clear why she's still a virgin.  :D

Wait, is Thor one of the base dwarven names? I've never encountered that before.
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"Land of song," said the warrior bard, "though all the world betray thee - one sword at least thy rights shall guard; one faithful harp shall praise thee."

Neruz

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Re: Disturbing Title
« Reply #6 on: August 09, 2009, 10:50:07 pm »

What's even more intersting is that she (yes I named a she Thor) has no lover/husband and "Is gaurded in relationships with others". Whether it's all by accident, or fate, I cannot say.

Considering she probably got that name by smashing goblin/orc skulls, the "Tender" part is in doubt.  ;D

It's only her virginity that is tender.

Beanchubbs

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Re: Disturbing Title
« Reply #7 on: August 09, 2009, 11:01:59 pm »

It suddenly becomes clear why she's still a virgin.  :D

Wait, is Thor one of the base dwarven names? I've never encountered that before.

No, I named my champions names of Mythological Heroes. I had an extra hammer lying around so Thor was born, Felsite, 16th.
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Yikes, the Orcs have a nasty language.  Traditional foreplay would be right out for them; how would they ever "say my name" for one another?  No wonder Ocrs are always so bloodthirsty and violent, they're getting sub-par action.

ein

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Re: Disturbing Title
« Reply #8 on: August 09, 2009, 11:30:17 pm »

The tender part comes from the fact that she tenderizes gobbos.

Beanchubbs

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Re: Disturbing Title
« Reply #9 on: August 09, 2009, 11:34:17 pm »

Wherever the Tender comes into play, she has massacred another 4 squads of orcs. All the squads were led by local leaders of the orc civ. All my other champions (champion marksdwarves not included) are in the hospital. They got there by sparring accidents of all things. I had 2 others as well but one went melancholy while healing because she didn't sleep at all (wtf?) and the other jumped into a pond while dodging arrows. He had no swimming skills.
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Yikes, the Orcs have a nasty language.  Traditional foreplay would be right out for them; how would they ever "say my name" for one another?  No wonder Ocrs are always so bloodthirsty and violent, they're getting sub-par action.

Vester

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Re: Disturbing Title
« Reply #10 on: August 09, 2009, 11:37:08 pm »

Wherever the Tender comes into play, she has massacred another 4 squads of orcs. All the squads were led by local leaders of the orc civ. All my other champions (champion marksdwarves not included) are in the hospital. They got there by sparring accidents of all things. I had 2 others as well but one went melancholy while healing because she didn't sleep at all (wtf?) and the other jumped into a pond while dodging arrows. He had no swimming skills.

I suspect he had swimming skills for a very short time, from the time he jumped into the water to the time it killed him.

You should ramp up your armorer to legendary so you can give her *Adamantine Plate Mail* or higher, that way you won't need any other soldiers.
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"Land of song," said the warrior bard, "though all the world betray thee - one sword at least thy rights shall guard; one faithful harp shall praise thee."

ein

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Re: Disturbing Title
« Reply #11 on: August 09, 2009, 11:37:41 pm »

That is awesome.
You must build her an epic-level mausoleum.

Beanchubbs

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Re: Disturbing Title
« Reply #12 on: August 09, 2009, 11:42:59 pm »

I suspect he had swimming skills for a very short time, from the time he jumped into the water to the time it killed him.

You should ramp up your armorer to legendary so you can give her *Adamantine Plate Mail* or higher, that way you won't need any other soldiers.
He was a dabbling swimmer for 2.3 seconds.

She currently has -Adamantine Plate Mail-. I'm working on skilling up my armorer right now, but it's also hard to get her to use the exact armor I want. I'll just forbid every other piece of clothing during the selection process. And she has a +Adamantine Shield+ as well. I think she has an Adamantine helm, but I'm not sure. Everything else is Steel.

That is awesome.
You must build her an epic-level mausoleum.

I probably will at some point but right now I'm busy building a giant statue/crossbow tower. It's 12 z-levels tall and has a 360o firing range if I station the crossbowdwarves correctly. I'm still working on finishing up the head for it though.
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Yikes, the Orcs have a nasty language.  Traditional foreplay would be right out for them; how would they ever "say my name" for one another?  No wonder Ocrs are always so bloodthirsty and violent, they're getting sub-par action.

Wolfius

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Re: Disturbing Title
« Reply #13 on: August 10, 2009, 12:35:35 am »

I have a Champion Hammerdwarf, Thor, who recently earned a very large, very... disturbing title. He just now soloed 2 and a half squads of orc wrestlers and lashers. His new name is "Thor Anvil Pleaded the Tender Virginity". Maybe it's just my immature 14 year old mind but that sounds pretty disturbing when I say it out loud.

Hurm...

"Tender [of] Virginity" - ie, protector of, or alternatively, they's a playah.

"Tender[izer of] Virginity" - Those poor gobbos, all tense and inexperienced; here, let me get my hammer...


She didn't really "smash" per se rather than explode them on impact. She has an +Adamantine War Hammer+. I found bits on and pieces of her victims two z-levels up on my battlements.

Pfft! That's nothing. A chained Watch-Mule kicked a gobbo wrestler into a 10x☼Obsidian Shortsword☼ trap a few hours ago.

I found chunks 5 Z-levels up.

Almost as hilarious as the gobbo wrestler their predecessors beat up and sent running for his life.


That is awesome.
You must build her an epic-level mausoleum.


Agreed.

If you have magma-works, I like to make the only way in dip down into a door-sealed branch off a magma channel, like so...

Code: [Select]
++Tomb+
█+++++█
██▼█▼██
███████
██▼█▼██
█+++++█
+++++++

Underworks Entry Ditch
████████
████████
██▲█▲███
██+++++█
██▲█▲█X█ <-*Not* Magma-proof door/floodgate
██████≈█    So it melts after use
≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈
████████

Seals the tomb, fairly easy implimentation, can be expanded on for nifty magma pools in said tomb with a little more digging - you can even chain an animal in the ditch as a funerary sacrifice for when you seal it.
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Beanchubbs

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Re: Disturbing Title
« Reply #14 on: August 10, 2009, 08:56:57 am »

She didn't really "smash" per se rather than explode them on impact. She has an +Adamantine War Hammer+. I found bits on and pieces of her victims two z-levels up on my battlements.

Pfft! That's nothing. A chained Watch-Mule kicked a gobbo wrestler into a 10x☼Obsidian Shortsword☼ trap a few hours ago.

I found chunks 5 Z-levels up.

Almost as hilarious as the gobbo wrestler their predecessors beat up and sent running for his life.


That is awesome.
You must build her an epic-level mausoleum.


Agreed.

If you have magma-works, I like to make the only way in dip down into a door-sealed branch off a magma channel, like so...

Code: [Select]
++Tomb+
█+++++█
██▼█▼██
███████
██▼█▼██
█+++++█
+++++++

Underworks Entry Ditch
████████
████████
██▲█▲███
██+++++█
██▲█▲█X█ <-*Not* Magma-proof door/floodgate
██████≈█    So it melts after use
≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈
████████

Seals the tomb, fairly easy implimentation, can be expanded on for nifty magma pools in said tomb with a little more digging - you can even chain an animal in the ditch as a funerary sacrifice for when you seal it.

Your exploded gobbo was hit by a sword trap. Swords are meant for hacking off limbs. Hammers are meant for smashing, not for hacking for limbs.

I will probably do something with a permaseal magma tomb as soon as I take the time to move the magma in the volcano from the other side of the map to where I'm at.
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Yikes, the Orcs have a nasty language.  Traditional foreplay would be right out for them; how would they ever "say my name" for one another?  No wonder Ocrs are always so bloodthirsty and violent, they're getting sub-par action.
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