“I suppose, as long as I'm going to kill you, I might as well reveal my plan” he gloated. Evangi had been waiting a long time for this moment. As spoke he toyed with a jeweled dagger, tossing it back and forth between his hands. He would have done the trick where you balance the dagger by it's point on your finger, but he didn't know how, and the dagger was poisoned anyway.
“Damn you!” cried the brash young prince Adrian. “What fiendish and bedeviled scheme have you cooked up this time!?”
“I don't think bedeviled is a word.” replied the evil vizier. “Perhaps it is, but I'm pretty sure it's just a way of cooking eggs.”
“...” said Adrian.
“Anyway, I suppose I had best get on with my evil gloat. Right. Plan.” At this point Evangi stood and swaggered over to where his guards were holding the heroic lad.
“First, I'm going to kill you. Then I'll take over the world.” As he finished the sentence, he used the dagger. “And with the prince stabbed, I will be in a supreme position to do exactly that. Hmm. They call it a dagger, but it stabs. Why not a stabber? I suppose stabber refers to the person doing the stabbing. Still. Well, prince, consider yourself dagged.” This last remark was never heard by Adrian, who had already bled to death earlier in the sentence.
---
SOME TIME LATER
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Trumpets blared. Fanfares fared. Hundreds of white doves were released, having been specially constipated to prevent any unfortunate incidents. The soon-to-be-former-grand-vizier approached the throne, where the crown was waiting for him. It was large, and gold, and shiny. It was a very expensive way of saying “OBEY THE PERSON BENEATH THIS SIGN.”
There was a long-winded speech on the part of the clergy saying that they had definitely been talking to the supreme being of the universe and that they were quite certain he approved of the new king and felt the coronation was a strong step in the right direction and that for choosing such a splendid man all the clergy deserved a sizable donation.
Eventually, the Vizier got to put on the crown. He grinned, and knew that there was no one who could stop him now. Then, as if in response, came a voice from the crowd. “Not so vast! You have not won yet!”
The king lept to his feet and shouted back “Who dares defy the authority of the crown! Show yourself!”
Using the sort of herd-survival instincts buried deep within every nameless crowd member, the crowd immediately parted, revealing a tall, gaunt man with an enormous wig and golden monocle. “It is I, the only one with power enough to thwart an evil such as you!”
Evangi recognized his old foe and laughed an evil laugh. “Ah, the old Duke of Westlingtonburyvilleburg! You may have been outranked me before, but I am king now! KING!”
“Oh really?” said the duke, as he slowly reached towards his immense wig. “I think not!” he cried, as he ripped it from his head, revealing a golden crown even more magnificent than Evangi's “Because I am actually not a duke, but the SUPER KING!”
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Topic: Random short story I wrote. (Read 3300 times)