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pudding

pops

[Soadreqm]

I forward the IDE/THEORY: that Dream-Gamzee is still alive.

Are you suggesting that Calmasis is going to kiss him? That his all-enveloping omnicidal hatred of everything and weird sexual hangups are just a front to cover up the bottomless well of homosexual necrophilic clown-lust he feels inside? All his life he's wanted to make out with a dead alien clown, and finally, though at the cost of his entire universe, his dreams are becoming reality. The rapidly clotting purple troll blood is staining his clothes, and the greasepaint his face, but he doesn't care. He's gently caressing the clown's silly hair as his forked cherub tongue examines the clown's sharp teeth. The adventure has only just begun.

[OREOSOME]

Just saw the various recent S:'s. Many tears were wept in awe.

[hops]

What if Caliborn killed GAmzee because Lord English (AKA Himself) was his own exile, to make sure that Hussie cannot mess with his plans. (Because Hussie identify with Gamzee the most?)

[Darvi]

(Because Hussie identify with Gamzee the most?)

I'm pretty sure that part's actually played by the Striders.

[Descan]

I thought Hussie identified most with Hussie. >_>

[Darvi]

I thought Hussie identified most with Hussie. >_>

Insanity!

[Max White]

I thought Hussie most identified with Tavros and was using him as an outlet to express his undying admiration and love for Dante Basco.

[Darvi]

I thought Hussie most identified with Tavros and was using him as an outlet to express his undying admiration and love for Dante Basco.

And Vriska.

[Slayerhero90]

I believe that Hussie identifies with all of them. At once. Even when contradictory. Because contradictory is good.

[Max White]

And Vriska.

Oh god, the theory fits even better than expected!
Question: Does Hussie have abnormally large horns that make sleeping hard?

[Darvi]

They're called Vuvuzelas.

[CJ1145]

Hussie invented them, in the future, as part of a convoluted scheme to fuck over his past self as retribution for his crimes.

[Duke 2.0]

So these guys are pretty cool.

So a whole lotta chumps on the internet seem pretty into this Homestuck thing. But normal people, with lives and rich interpersonal relationships? They can’t be bothered with bullshit like this:



I mean, what the fuck am I even looking at here? A bunch of god damn nonsense, that’s what.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Well, okay. That’s not true. I know exactly what I’m looking at. Lord English the time-traveling billiards-themed pimp demon is descending in his magical sarcophagus onto a Time Quest Bed in a dream bubble collusion of The Felt’s mansion, The Land of Heat and Clockwork, Skaia, one of Alternia’s moons, Prospit, and Derse, somewhere out in the void of the Furthest Ring. This is a sentence that makes perfect sense if you’re reading Homestuck.

See, the terrible truth is that I’m a can of grey body paint and a pair of fake horns away from being the most wretched and disgusting Homestuck fan you can find. My knowledge of this convoluted nonsensical 6000 page long clusterfuck of a webcomic is nigh on encyclopedic.

Thankfully, not everyone is like me. Most people don’t have time for this shit. You know someone who doesn’t have time for this shit? Mike Blais, Internet Mogul Extraordinaire. But what Mike Blais DOES have time for is fleeting evanescent internet popularity. And these days the king at the heaping shit-pile of internet fame is Homestuck.

And so, Mike Blais has entered into a dark contract with me. I will proceed to read him the entirety of Homestuck over Skype, and he will record my narration and his reactions to it in the vain hope that the resultant audio files will lead to a treasure horde of retweets and followers, and desperately try to maintain his sanity as we spiral into the bottomless depths of MS Paint Adventures. The first record of our grim work can be found here:

[Johnfalcon99977]

You know, even though the podcast isn't really bad in anyway, I can't shake the feeling that they have absolutely no viewers from their Comments section.

[Rose]

So, thought transmitter?

Thought transmitter.