So I was re-reading the very first alchemizing session today, and it made me realize that John's role has been through quite the beating over the course of this story. I think I've got it charted.
1. Hey, this kid is an idiot and incompetent, but he's really kind of adorable with his cheerfulness! John's no hero, but he IS the main character.
2. Hey, now that kid died, and suddenly he's got powers on par with that of a god! He finally has the power to match his plucky attitude to go save the day! Better introduce twelve new characters so he can have less screen time than the crippled Spaniard who plays Pokemon! John's finally a hero, but he is NOT the main character.
3. Hey, now that those troll guys have finished their arc, it's time for them and the heroes to meet up and start kicking ass, right? Nope! We'll stick John on a ship for three years to dick around with Ghostbusters video games and get hassled by crazy half-dog sisters while we focus on alternate teenaged versions of his parents: a down-to-earth southern fried cooking mama with the patience of an angry carp, and a bisexual British gentlemanly Renaissance man with even worse taste in movies than his son. John is NOT the main character, and he's not a HERO anymore either. Meet the new John: COMIC RELIEF SIDEKICK IN A SIDEPLOT.