This is a terrible, horrible corruption of all that is good in the world.
Spades Slick shut off the monitor and turned away. These damn kids were giving him a headache, traipsing about. He couldn't stand it. Watching or even understanding this kind of nonsense was for stupid, dumb babies who pooped in their diapers, not vicious criminal masterminds. He had much more important things to do.
He called up Diamonds to check in. What's the current progress? Still working on it, eh? That's what you said the last four times I've checked in. Are you sure you've got it all under control? Yes? Good, alright. Slick out.
He began to call Clubs and then immediately decided not to.
Suddenly, Spades started to feel an unpleasant pressure in his bowels. It appeared he needed to use the bathroom. Awesome, more distractions. He sighed and began looking for a place to squat and drop in this abandoned facility.
After a few minutes of poking around in dark corners, he found an empty storage closet. This is as good a place as any, he decided. Why couldn't the builders of this place have just installed a few bathrooms, like reasonable people? It didn't make any sense, but he supposed he wouldn't be where he is today if he stopped and let these kinds of inconveniences bother him much.
He opened the door and let himself in. It was pitch black inside, and the comforting darkness made him feel right at home. He snuck over to the corner and began relieving himself.
Several minutes later, after the act had been finished, he realized there was no toilet paper in this closet. He gritted his razor-sharp teeth in frustration, and pulled up his trenchcoat. He began swearing loudly, cursing everything he could think of, until he heard what sounded like footsteps in the distance.
These small taps of shoe on metal caused him to shut right up. He hadn't seen or heard any sign of anyone but himself in this facility, and whoever the hell this was wasn't going to catch him off-guard. He had a reputation to keep, and he prepared himself to jump out and murder whoever was outside before they realized that he, Spades Slick, had just defecated in a broom closet.
Hey there, Slick, a voice rang out. It was a young, sweet voice. Too bad he'd have to silence it forever.
I've got something that may very well interest you. What's that? What is this broad talking about?
Here, just stand back. I promise I won't look~ Oh god the door is opening. Spades shrunk back into the darkness, readying his trusty knife for stabbing. He loved his trusty knife. If it wasn't for his trusty knife, he would certainly slit his wrists.
A small, white object was tossed into the room, and the door closed with a thud. Spades groped around until he found it. It's plush, cushioney softness confirmed his suspicions. Toilet paper!
A feeling of immense gratitude cracked through his ironclad demeanor. Spades cleaned himself up, with relief and a feeling of peace flowing through him. This was the closest thing he had ever experienced to true joy. This toilet paper made him feel like a new man.
He nudged the door open slightly, peeking outside through the small gap. A beautiful young lady caught his eye.
And just who are you then, sweetcheeks? He had to stay gruff. Had to keep up appearances.
I'm Rose. Rose Lalonde. Why don't you come out of there and greet me properly? Well, fine then, if that's the way you want it, girl.
He stepped outside, trying his best to look intimidating. It became apparent that it was to be of no use. This girl could see right through him, and he was struck by the impression that she was much wiser than her young appearance would suggest. She also looked dangerous in her black dress, even in spite of the flowing pink fabric hanging off of it. This broad looked like she's been to Death's parlour and back. Her icy gaze judged him, and a chill ran down Slick's spine.
H... hello, ma'am. Who the hell is this girl? Why was he acting this way? He is a cold-blooded killer, damn it!
Ooh, I never would have pegged you as a humble man. Interesting. Let me get right to the point. I understand you are someone who can get things done. Am I correct?
Of course. I run the Midnight Crew. Perhaps you've heard of us? We're very familiar with solving... problems. Why is he telling her this? He doesn't even know her!
Excellent. Yes. You're coming with me, Slick~ Oh, that's hilarious.
Why the hell would I do that?
Oh, you can't resist. You don't have a choice, and you know it.
It was true. He did know it, but it didn't make him hate it any less.
I know you've been dealt an unfair hand, Slick. Maybe, with the help of you and your crew, we can shuffle things around a bit. Maybe we can beat the House. I know an alternate-timeline version of you who could sure stand to get his deck cut, if you're willing to help. And maybe, if you play your cards right, you won't have to play Solitaire so often anymore, Spadesy.
For the first time in his life, Spades Slick blushed.
Poll
Author
Topic: MSPA Homestuck (Read 5120763 times)