So, I know it's not exactly cool with everybody that we keep posting these giant fanfic things here, but I'm in way too big a hurry to post this anywhere else, and I might as well leave it while I can.
While not the most inherently powerful of vessels, Octavian's Widow had the great edge in agility. Cannons had their use, but the mark of a true commander was to carry the fight to the enemy's deck, engage them on their stand and emerge victorious. And the infamous Captain of Octavian's Widow carried an impressive record of such victories. Carrying hand held weaponry capable of sinking cannon-laden vessels on a good night didn't hurt either.
The “good night” caveat was the eternal burden of the terrible Gamblignants and their unfortunate crews. Skill and weapons and extraordinary powers were meaningless to such reckless marauders, insisted the Captain. The only thing that mattered was winning, and the only way to win was luck. Well, and the weapons, since they were luck-based too. And the skill, since no proper gambler would be caught dead not cheating. And the extraordinary powers... the point being-
A dangerously close call shook the Quartermaster from his reverie, and back to navigating the Widow through the perilous shallows toward the theoretical X on the map. The last thing he needed was an angry captain, not that she really needed a reason to exact vengeance on anyone, least of all her truly unfortunate crew. As the vessel carried on through the moonlit mists, the towering rocks gave way to towering plinths, engraved with gruesome warnings, and worse, to those who crossed their boundary.
As if on cue, sensing the tedious aspect of sea travel giving way to the exciting, the Captain at last emerged from her quarters. The Quartermaster instinctively shrunk aside as she seized the helm in dramatic fashion, map and greatcoat fluttering in the breeze, and stared up in inescapable awe. The great Marquis Spinneret Mindfang, looming over all with the aid of great red jackboots and an outlandish hat and set of horns. Sharpest of daggers, hottest of irons, most patient of hunters.
“Goddammit, how long is this going to take?” Two out of three wasn't bad. “As if looting a moldy pile of rocks wasn't 8ooooooooring enough, first we gotta sail halfway across the-” As if on a further cue, the Widow came to a worryingly splintered halt in the midst of the carved spires. Nameless seatrolls clattered to the deck, and the Quartermaster extricated his horns from the woodwork. The Marquis freed herself from the helm and pulled the rapidly dampening hat from her eyes. She fixed her signature spectacles to better search the murky cove they had stalled in, supernatural eyesight confirming her suspicions with a quick glance at the map.
“Well fuck, that wasn't so... I mean, at last! We've arrrrrrrrived! Look alive, you worthless dogs! Roll out the plank and form a searching party. There's loot and 8ooty ripe for the t8king, with no one to stand in our way! Haaaaaaaa, ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!” The great and awesome Marquis let the peal of laughter hang in the air as she strode down to the railing, pirates scuttling about to fulfill orders spoken and not.
Master Gamblignant Captain Marquis Spinneret Mindfang feared no troll alive, and with her erstwhile ally and all her meddlesome principles occupied elsewhere tormenting some pathetic Boy-Skylark (would that she could have traded places), the Marquis would normally have been free to wreck havoc at the expense of anyone she wished. But unclaimed treasure and adventure were hard to pass up, and it was the opportunity she was handed this night. That opportunity lay within the mighty, ancient city ahead in the mist, unclaimed and adventurous.
Of course, she wasn't totally crazy, even for a Gamblignant, and wasn't about to sashay into danger unarmed. Her weighty bag of enchanted dice would serve her well, thoroughly if unpredictably obliterating foes foolish enough to stand in her way. A handful of D4's, though awkward and a bit painful to hold, would surely do the trick against any psycho ruin-beasts arrayed before her. Complimenting the dice would be a trusty dagger from her boot. Although not a Gamblignant's weapon, what self-respecting blueblooded aristocrat would be caught dead without a dagger to slip in someone's back? Not to mention tossing a bunch of enchanted dice everywhere got to be a pain in the ass. While the crew cowered and followed their Captain only reluctantly, magnifying her bravery and presence in their fear just as they were supposed to, the Marquis would not be deterred. Armed and accompanied, nothing would stay her from victory.
The Gamblignants may have been famous for their crazy risks and crazier luck, but they kept all the luck to themselves. All of it. Leaving none for their truly unfortunate crews, and Marquis Mindfang was particularly famous for how fast her fiery irons tended to burn through her crews. An hour later, Mindfang was even moldier and mustier, and practically steamed as she watched her Quartermaster fade into dimensionless smoke like the forgettable nonentity he was, leaving her completely alone far under Alternia's surface. In that hour, not one of the crew had seen their demise coming, or much of anything else for that matter, save a parade of sprung traps and ambushing creeps. With nobody real or otherwise left to comment on anachronism – and more importantly, now plenty angry – Captain Mindfang dug out her palmgrub and waited for a good signal.
arachnidsGrip [AG] began trolling apocalypseArisen [AA]
AG: Megido, what the fuuuuuuuuck?
AG: Your campaign and your stupid ruins are one 8ig st8ming moldy pile of hoof8east shit!
AA: im s0rry captain serket
AA: i th0ught y0u wanted a challenge
AG: Don't g8 cute with me! This is just a 8unch of cheap tricks and traps soaking up all my gr8 attacks.
AA: i recall y0u asked specifically for
AA: and i qu0te
AA: A danger0us and 8affling aaaaaaaadventure, w0thy 0f 0nly the 8est and luckiest risk-t8kers!
AA: unqu0te
AG: Is that what the hell this is supposed to 8e?
AG: Your idea of risky adventure sucks.
AA: isnt the essence 0f risk the unpredictablity?
AA: d0nt tell me y0uve l0st y0ure taste f0r gambling with y0ur life
AG: That's crap and you know it. There's no gam8ling going on.
AG: I'm just rolling dice at nothing out here, and watching my crew drop like gru8s.
AA: be h0nest y0u d0nt give a damn ab0ut th0se abstractions
AG: Fucking tell me a8out it. I don't even get to take any 8odies home. I'm not just doing this for kicks you knoooooooow.
AA: y0u can call it whatever y0u want
AA: anyway y0ure alm0st t0 the g00d part
AG: Woop de fucking doooooooo.
AG: And what was the point of dragging me through all that shit then, instead of putting the fun part up front, like a sane clouder would?
AA: because im a g00d cl0uder thats why
AA: y0ur vict0ry will be all the m0re impressive if y0u find y0ur riches with0ut any help
AA: w0uldnt y0u agree?
AG: Oh fuck you, my victories are always impressive.
AG: Well fine, if th8's how it's gonna 8e, then I'll scour every dou8loon and c8gar from this dirty hole.
AG: And don't think I'm gonna t8ke it easy on your precious rocks!
AA: 0bvi0usly y0u have the challenge well in hand
AA: as always
AG: Damn str8!!!!!!!!
AA: y0ure welc0me by the way
AG: Yeah yeah, thanks Aradia.
arachnidsGrip [AG] ceased trolling apocalypseArisen [AA]
Captain Vriska Marquis Spinneret Whatever stomped on down the cave. It was always caves with her. Or dungeons or ruins or caverns or crypts or all of the above. Musty moldy muddy caves. And to think that bitch of a friend would have the nerve to...
The Marquis stopped her tracks upon stumbling at the edge of a cliff. Even her experienced jaw dropped at the sight of the towering underground city Aradia managed to line up for her campaign. Great stone monoliths and pyramids all topped with looming statues that turned Vriska's awe to disgust and then rage. Ancient depictions of ancient gods, specifically the Great Spiral-Horned Devourer of Insects triumphing over its eternal foe, the Creeping Dominator of Many Eyes and Limbs.
But fury gave way to a wry smile crawling across Vriska's face. A whole entombed civilization, dormant for thousands of years, all turned open just to facilitate her entertainment. Aradia really outdid herself this time, putting something so precious on the table. Truth be told, Vriska didn't know a damn thing about archeology, and cared less; digging up the remnants of past failures was a hobby only suited to present failures, surely. But she knew Aradia sure cared about them, which would make defiling these tombs all the more satisfying...
apocalypseArisen [AA] began trolling twinArmageddons [TA]
AA: i h0pe y0ure n0t t00 busy s0llux
AA: even th0ugh im sure y0ure 0nly busy with y0ur ridicul0usly 0bscure bands
TA: man, ii got 2hit nobody but me ha2 ever heard of.
TA: you could almo2t 2ay iit2
AA: n0 n0
AA: d0nt even d0 it
AA: that cant p0ssibly be a set up f0r anything g00d
TA: good ii2n't really the poiint but okay.
TA: 2o what2 up AA?
TA: ii thought you were playiing your game2 tonight.
AA: technically i am right n0w
AA: but i have vriska running ar0und in s0me digs t0 keep her busy
TA: aren't you worriied about her fuckiing 2omethiing up?
AA: n0t really
AA: the ruins were the hide0ut f0r s0me insurrecti0nists and smugglers until the legislacerat0rs cleared them 0ut
AA: theyre t0tally stripped 0f value
TA: and what about... uh, TV and TZ?
AA: terezis adventures are always pr0cedural
AA: tavr0s is pr0bably up t0 his n00k in clues and leads
AA: but hes in n0 real danger
AA: and vriska is m0ving fast but shell be plenty busy chasing gh0sts and shad0ws
TA: you've certainly got vrii2ka...
TA: entombed.
AA: 0_0
TA: yeah, exactly.
AA: g0d that was terrible
TA: 2o you're 2ayiing we've got all niight?
AA: yes we have all the time in the w0rld
Yeah, it was an incredibly easy prompt, and I spent the first half of it describing "Marquis Mindfang" in laborious detail. I still managed to use all three interpretations of "Underground" by the end. Fuck I hope the formatting's right, because I'm outta here.
And post it, link it, whatever I'm cool.