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Author Topic: The Little Macaque That Could  (Read 3103 times)

Elliott_Thinas

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The Little Macaque That Could
« on: July 28, 2009, 11:49:04 pm »
Upset with my hunters' inability to deal with marauding crowds of rhesus macaques that seem to show up every season and rob the corpses on the battlefield that is the front of my the fortress, in my 4th year I finally unleashed my steel covered champions, who, ordered to attack the wildlife, proceeded to hack, slash and dice up 6 of the monkeys. The 7th was hit with a iron hammer by one of the champions and flew 10 or 11 tiles into a lake, red wounded legs, brown brain wounds and several others. I call the military off. 20 minutes later, I get the message that a rhesus has made off with a -Steel Shield-. I check the pool and see a 4 tile trail of spatterings of blood where that lil' guy must have pulled himself out before looting an item worth several thousand dwarf bucks. He's (she?) a champ.
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Quote from: Rowanas on August 04, 2009, 02:44:35 pm
I got me a breeding pair of Han Solos.

Duke 2.0

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Re: The Little Macaque That Could
« Reply #1 on: July 29, 2009, 12:19:12 am »
 Was the shield on the ground, or did it belong to the champion?

 Because the second choice makes for the best mental imagery ever. Also, monkey god.
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Quote from: Aqizzar on October 13, 2010, 04:19:47 am
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Quote from: Jim Groovester on August 08, 2010, 08:18:09 pm
I would bet money Andrew has edited things retroactively, except I can't prove anything because it was edited retroactively.
MIERDO MILLAS DE VIBORAS FURIOSAS PARA ESTRANGULARTE MUERTO

Lord Dakoth

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Re: The Little Macaque That Could
« Reply #2 on: July 29, 2009, 12:44:11 am »
This is a Rhesus Macaque. All craftsmanship is of highest quality. It is encircled with bands of awesome and menaces with spikes of epic.
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Avatar by legendary engraver /u/Redicno of reddit.

Beanchubbs

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Re: The Little Macaque That Could
« Reply #3 on: July 29, 2009, 12:59:21 am »
That is awesome. I think it would be even more awesome if that guy crawled back in the next Rhesus assault and stole a -Steel Plate Armour-. Soon enough, that guy will be fully healed and have a full champions worth in battle attire. I can imagine it now.    5 years later a group of rhesus come and one finds and destroys your hunter. You go to look at it and you see it's inventory of: -Steel Shield-, -Steel Plate Armour-, Steel Left Gauntlet, Steel Right Gauntlet, +Steel Helm+, *Steel Left High Boot*, =Steel Right High Boot=, and Dorenurst a Legendary Sword.
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Quote from: SkyRender on January 23, 2010, 09:01:29 pm
Yikes, the Orcs have a nasty language.  Traditional foreplay would be right out for them; how would they ever "say my name" for one another?  No wonder Ocrs are always so bloodthirsty and violent, they're getting sub-par action.

zchris13

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Re: The Little Macaque That Could
« Reply #4 on: July 29, 2009, 01:08:15 am »
Then you wake up. It was all a dream. A horrible, horrible dream.
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RebelZhouYuWu

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Re: The Little Macaque That Could
« Reply #5 on: July 29, 2009, 01:31:29 am »
Nah, pretty soon more rhesus macaques will come becuase of the high value of that shield and next thing you know you are under a rhesus macaques siege.
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Beanchubbs

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Re: The Little Macaque That Could
« Reply #6 on: July 29, 2009, 01:35:07 am »
A Rhesus Macaque siege would be crazy. Hundreds of little monkeys charging your Champions and bringing them down one by one until all you have left are a few Recruits who just got drafted against still Hundreds of the monkeys. Fun.
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Quote from: SkyRender on January 23, 2010, 09:01:29 pm
Yikes, the Orcs have a nasty language.  Traditional foreplay would be right out for them; how would they ever "say my name" for one another?  No wonder Ocrs are always so bloodthirsty and violent, they're getting sub-par action.

Neyvn

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Re: The Little Macaque That Could
« Reply #7 on: July 29, 2009, 05:33:27 am »
MODDING THAT NOW!!!
This is going to be weird on the Imagery side of things, now to make them able to make off with things left on the battle field like they do already...
Gah, can't think of anything right now. Other then making them a race, hmmm. Gonna double check some raws...
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Quote from: Ubiq
Broker: Wasn't there an ambush squad here just a second ago?
Merchant: I don't know what you're talking about. Do you want this goblin ankle bone amulet or not?
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milaga

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Re: The Little Macaque That Could
« Reply #8 on: July 29, 2009, 07:05:41 am »
Quote from: Neyvn on July 29, 2009, 05:33:27 am
MODDING THAT NOW!!!

I'll regen for this one.
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Quote from: Jeff Carr on July 22, 2009, 10:32:56 am
Thanks for that...  now I have the image of Urist McBooger walking up to me with a creepy smile and asking me if I want a "dwarven shower".

Neyvn

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Re: The Little Macaque That Could
« Reply #9 on: July 29, 2009, 07:11:31 am »
Quote from: milaga on July 29, 2009, 07:05:41 am
Quote from: Neyvn on July 29, 2009, 05:33:27 am
MODDING THAT NOW!!!

I'll regen for this one.
Gonna have to work out the tags all over again now...
So if anyone thinks they can do it faster...
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Quote from: Ubiq
Broker: Wasn't there an ambush squad here just a second ago?
Merchant: I don't know what you're talking about. Do you want this goblin ankle bone amulet or not?
My LIVESTREAM. I'm Aussie, so not everything is clean. Least it works...

Elliott_Thinas

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Re: The Little Macaque That Could
« Reply #10 on: July 29, 2009, 07:42:24 am »
Quote from: Duke 2.0 on July 29, 2009, 12:19:12 am
Was the shield on the ground, or did it belong to the champion?

 Because the second choice makes for the best mental imagery ever. Also, monkey god.

Sadly, I'm fairly sure it was found on the ground; I'm playing LL and I think the shield was dropped by an avar wrestler and I must have forbidded it when a pack of haulers kept spamming a cannot pick up item: Avar Crossbowman (there was a solitary crossbow survivor, but since avars can fly none of my melee champions could get him and I had to wait almost 10 minutes to shoot him down using untrained marksdwarfs with turtle bone bolts) and forgetten to reclaim it after he was dead. Still a mightily impressive feat and I look forward to engravings of it.
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Quote from: Rowanas on August 04, 2009, 02:44:35 pm
I got me a breeding pair of Han Solos.

Quatch

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Re: The Little Macaque That Could
« Reply #11 on: July 29, 2009, 09:59:08 am »
I turned the usual battlefield on my fort into a smoothed plain of obsidian with a 2 high wall around it. The entryway has just enough traps to kill off macaques. The orcs are immune anyhow, and the gobbos run after a few die, so I figure its fair.
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SAVE THE PHILOSOPHER!
>>KillerClowns: It's faster to write "!!science!!" than any of the synonyms: "mad science", "dwarven science", or "crimes against the laws of god and man".
>>Orius: I plan my forts with some degree of paranoia.  It's kept me somewhat safe.

Rowanas

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Re: The Little Macaque That Could
« Reply #12 on: July 29, 2009, 10:12:10 am »
Honestly, I want to mod macaques into superstrength and then watch them throw my dwarves seven or eight tiles with every swing. that would just make my day.
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Quote from: Dutchling on April 14, 2012, 02:28:14 pm
I agree with Urist. Steampunk is like Darth Vader winning Holland's Next Top Model. It would be awesome but not something I'd like in this game.
Quote from: Bumber on November 27, 2018, 01:05:30 am
Unfortunately dying involves the amputation of the entire body from the dwarf.

Graven

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Re: The Little Macaque That Could
« Reply #13 on: July 29, 2009, 10:24:59 am »
Well, I don't know about sieges, but I've definitely had macaque ambushes. It's funny how my mindset quickly darted from "Oh look at the cute little monkeys, haha they're stealing my strawberries and shit" to "What the hell, why are half my dwarves being interrupted by OHMYGODWHATISTHATBLOBOFMACAQUES".

I'm not really sure if modding them to be stronger is a good idea, though. Eh, whatever, it'll probably end up involving fun and magma anyway.
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Rose

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Re: The Little Macaque That Could
« Reply #14 on: July 29, 2009, 10:28:27 am »
it's the Ramayana all over again...

just make sure one of them doesn't up and set fire to everything. with his !!tail!!
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