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[ac31]

Mah journal thingy:

Well, I found out that that thar X-com thing was recruiting last week. Turns out they were made to fight ghosts! Or something. I don't really care. They did have a bottomless barrel policy, and that I did care about. Then they got blown up. Crap. Good thing I was in the basement at the time, taking advantage of said policy. After carving myself a mug of course. I still have that mug, it has an engraving of a cheese on it and everything! Huh.. Crap, an alarm. I hope that means something other then one of those damned annoying fire drills. Anything would be better then yet another one of those...

i like your style, i forget what your soldiers name was but he is definantly going to live

depending on whether my dads still persisting in his futile attempt to conserve our dwindling download limit i could either have the update done in 2 hours or in 12 

[TheNewerMartianEmperor]

His name is Oldbeard the 400th, or something like that.

[ac31]

Here it is guys!

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

BEGIN LOG
LB: Aw crap, aliens



LB: This means I have to do stuff.



LB: LAUNCH EVERYTHING WE HAVE, ABANDON SHIP, THE OPEN BAR IS NOW CLOSED!

*krrrk* Roger bay 12 this is interceptor one over *krrk*

LB: What the hell are you saying *krrk* for?

Shit, I dunno, anyway, we thought you might want to take a look at this image we got from the gun cams



LB: Man, I expected something bigger

Stop quoting your girlfriend

LB: haha I am going to rape both your eyes out



Hang on a second, the ufo is landing over cuba, shall we engage before it lands?

LB: no, I want this one intact, if only to make you clean every square inch of it.

BEGIN MISSION LOG

Zchris13: HOORAY WE ARE GOING TO GO KILL ALIENS

Nirur torir: SHUT THE FUCK UP ZCHRIS, goddamnit my head fucking hurts

Okenido: This is such a waste of time, we aren’t going to fi-

Aqizzar: And you knock it off too okenido, just for that you are gonna be first off the ramp

SniHjen: Which end does the bullet come out of?

Taniec: I have no idea but I would be eternally thankful if you didn’t point that thing in my fucking face.

OldBeard: SHUSH, I can detect that we are approaching our landing area

Okenido: that wouldn’t have anything to do with you sitting in the co-pilot seat would it?

Zchris13: I AM EXTREMELY EXCITED ABOUT THE PROSPECT OF KILLING ALIENS

Luke Prowler: Oh god why do these radios only work on a public band

Duke: I just wish my death would accomplish more than simply jumping out of a plane

Quibble: go to a happy place, go to a happy place, its only an administrative error, you’ll be back in the lab before you know it.

RECORDING RESUMES ON LANDING



Okenido:…on’t care what you say ARG

Aqizzar: tell it to my shoe private!



Okenido: Jokes on you im still alive, maybe you’d like to volunteer to be first into the enemy ufo eh?



Okenido: its safe guys, its just a farm with regular farm stuff, the most dangerous thing here is Luckks B.O

Luckk alto: Dear Okenido, fuck you.



Okenido: looks like that’ll have to wait sweet stuff, we got a big shiny disc that aint the back of quibbles head.



Luckk Alto: meph you gonna come join us guys down here on the ground

Meph: nah im cool, ill get meself set up in a minute

Nirur Torir: man, I don’t even have any hootch to disguise how boring this is, I wish it was yesterday again, HAPPY NEW YEARS

Taniec: new years eve was 8 days ago man.



Aqizzar: OK MAGGOTS LETS GET MOVING

Meph: OH JESUS WHAT THE FUCK!

Cthulu: STOP DROP AND ROLL

OldBeard: FRIENDLY FIRE!

Okenido: You sure showed that patch of dirt whats what aqizzar, planning on bagging a couple of hay bales next?



Quibble: Enough bickering, follow me, we must secure the ufo before the aliens destroy the technology that lies within!

Luckk alto: don’t you think its cool tho, I mean, an ALIEN UFO, its like from a movie

SniHjen: uh, theres a weird flashing thing on my eyes.





SniHjen: and theres a ninja on the roof! Die Ninja!





Okenido: I am just speechless.

Taniec: That SniHjen just shot and killed an alien on top of a roof?

Okenido: SniHjen did that!? Damn, I thought meph had just managed to fire a gun with it still in his holster

Meph: there’ll be plenty of opportunities to show my skill

Okenido: why don’t you go enter the ufo then

Meph: pfft, fuck that

Nirur Torir: I’m just amazed that he didn’t blow his fucking nose off, fuck this im going to sleep

QUICK NOTE: Nirur torir entered a non-responsive state until the sessation of the mission at this point



OldBeard: Yeah that’s right, you guys just stay there, me, Cthulu and the retard will go secure the barn, douchebags



Quibble: Ok, we shall now enter the ufo, proper scientific procedures must be maintained and firearm safety is essential, now, I shall cover you whilst

Duke: Dude, check it out



Quibble: A ZENOMORPH

Luckk alto: AN ALIEN

Aqizzar: FRESH MEAT

Luke Prowler: that son of a bitch is going on my mantelpiece

Zchris13: PROFESSOR, WATCH OUT



Quibble: BLARG, for… science….



Zchris13: COMMENCING STOMPING


Zchris13: BACKUP NEEDED GUYS



Zchris13: ONE DOWN, NOW TO JUS-



Zchris13: GOODBYE LUNGS, I KNEW YE WELL



Duke: Damnit! If only I’d gone first



Duke: Wait, did an alien just teamkill someone to get me? One bad turn deserves another I guess



Luke Prowled: Why hello there, im going to call you mittens, because im going to turn you into some



Aqizzar: I hit that thing in the head and it just shrugged it off, damn these pistols suck



Cthulu: woopee, an alien, ill just lean out a bit and



Cthulu: oh the irony



Cthulu: One down



Cthulu: JESUS SHITTING CHRIST BUGGER ME IN THE ARSE THAT NEARLY TOOK MY FUCKING HEAD OFF AND I NEED A NEW CHANGE OF PANTS



OldBeard: My beard is old, my aim is true

SniHjen: Horsies!



Luke Prowler: 2 on 1 eh, bring it on alien scum! Ive always wanted some ug-boots!

Luckk alto: please stop shouting strange things you scary crazy man



Luke Prowler: Success and boots are mine! Now to take care of-



Luke prowler: I CAN SEE FEELINGS AND EVERY SINGLE ONE IS PAIN

Aqizzar: Chin up soldier, ive seen worse in Vietnam

Luke Prowler: FUCK YOU I ALMOST DIED

Duke: I got the other one

OldBeard: The barn house is clear, just give me a sec to try and stop SniHjen from riding the ponies.



Okenido: man meph, you are so useless

Taniec: Why did I not move more than five meters from the skyranger?

Nirur Torir: ZzzzzzzZZzzzzzzz….

AFTERMATH REPORT
LB: After viewing the records I have decided to hand out some promotions.



LB: OldBeards beard will clearly make leadership material in the battles to come, and his love of alcohol and cheese-engraved mugs speak clearly of his impeccable character. I promoted luckk alto because I don’t not unlike him least of all.


LB: sucks to be you luke

END OF LOG
============

Casualty report:

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Quibble
7
male blonde
hyperactive

shot to death by aliens, first blood to the sectoids or something


zchris13
male blonde
hai gusy i cnat bleive in tearly om nars!@!

annoyed everyone with his constant shouting
died alone in an alien ufo
go figure

Luke Prowler:
wounded for 18 days

haha, tool. an aside note is that his burn scars look like a wicked-awesome tattoo

Next update will be soon whenever i manage to get round to it (uni!)

[Aqizzar]

the ufo is landing over cuba

You fail geography forever.

Otherwise, nice job all around.  Characterization is okay, if a bit overblown, and bravo on using only pistols.

[SniHjen]

Ninjas on the roof!

They trow ninja stars!

We trow stuff back at them!

Exploding stuff!

Exploding ninja stars! I'm a genius!

I shall name these: GRENADES!

I Must smuggle some with me!

[TheNewerMartianEmperor]

That papery thing where's I store's all me picture-brainhurts:

Well I just got meself a promotion I did, so's I celebramated boy did I! Y'know that place with all the happy waters? Well, I's drained the place dry's I did's and I feels like a million bucks I do's, as I'm a dwarf, and I.......... *The rest of this entry is obscured by a thick slurry of vomit, blood, and what you hope is spit.*

[CJ1145]

Yay! I died! Time to reveal the secret project...

As the team lands back at base, they are greeted by a strange, strange scientist. He appears to have been Quibble's lab assistant.

"Everyone," he said. "I have strange news. That secret project of Quibble's showed up right about the time he died on your mission. As it turns out, it was a cloning device."

*A team member raises his hand*

The scientist points and says "Shut up. If we can develop lasers, we can clone shit. He should be done soon, but we're not sure when. Although there is one problem..."

"What?" Olbeard asked.

"Well, there's some problems with his speech. We attempted communication, and all he could say was 'Quibble.'"

"So is this yer way of sayin' he's a retard?"

"No, as far as we can tell he's far smarter than any of us could ever hope to be. He just only says Quibble."

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Yes, this was just a long, drawn-out way of saying that I want a new guy named Quibble II.

[Nirur Torir]

(Haha! My plan for surviving as an X-Com agent is succeeding!)

[Luke_Prowler]

Aagh, it hurts to write. Fuck that, it hurts just to breath. I got shot by one those foul Xeno guns. It hurts like seeing oldbeard in that jump suit (there are thing man are not ment to see), but at least they're giving me plently booze to ease the pain. I just hope that bastard doctor isn't sneaking my meds into the drinks. I joined this team to get away from people like that.

atleast i fared better than those two dipsticks with the speech impediments. or, atleast one of them. Apperent "Quibble" had built a cloning marine before he got vaporized. Now there's going to be a hundred of them running around saying Quibble like a damn Pokemon.

Speaking of TV, I think Mythbusters is on right now...

[TheNewerMartianEmperor]

Meanwhile, at the same time: Oldbeard is in the rec room trying to work the remote.

"This thing is too loud! How do I get it to play 'Watchmen'?! Why are my feet cold?! Where in the hel did my drink go?! Screw this, I'm going to order pizza!"

With this, he throws the remote at the TV, breaking both. He then spends a hour trying to order pizza using one of the alien guns, luckily, only a dozen scientists on the floor above were hurt.

[zchris13]

CAN I COME BACK. I PROMISE NOT TO HAUNT YOU IF I'M ALIVE.

And I might just stop yelling. How about that? HUH! HUH! WHAT YOU GONNA DO AB-
...
sorry.

I need a laser pistol.

[SniHjen]

1 mission point.
1 kill point.

2 points.

I'll take a pistol (free) and 2 grenades.

Throw with impunity!

[TheNewerMartianEmperor]

Does being promoted get you any points?

[zchris13]

Does being promoted get you any points?

It should.

[SniHjen]

Does being promoted get you any points?

Promotion is a automatic game mecanic based on kills/missions.

so those of you with higher rank will probably have more points anyway.