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[forsaken1111]

There's a room! Actually a huge room with a high blue ceiling and trees instead of walls, and a mountain on the wallpaper!

  I am currently at work busy with a server maintance, but I just had to inform you that it's ok with me, just some work crossing my way. I will update the picture and then let those people who made these nice jokes (YOU) to participate in the next turn.

P.S. The "jokes" thing here is for two reasons: 1) so people make some effort to participate and not just randomly spew suggestions; 2) I am going to collect the jokes and probably make some kind of DF anecdotes book later, with illustrations.

3. Because it gives you ideas for our traits?

[jupotter]

How to be a good mother, the dwarven way:
Urist McWatcher: The goblins are sieging us!
Urista McHammerMother: Strike their skulls!
Urist McWatcher: You don't take a shield?
Urista McHammerMother: I already have a child.

[Deon]

3. Because it gives you ideas for our traits?

Right . But the main reason is that I wanted to compile a DF jokes compendium.

[ein]

Urist McMechanic: Good news! I've just finished building a mandate completion machine. The lever for it is in your room. Ignore the strange machinery and floodgates, that's part of the design.

Urist McNoble: Excellent! Just in time for my ruby encrusted adamantine gauntlets. I will go pull that lever immediately.

Urist McMechanic: Okay then. I'm going to leave now and lock your door because the machine is dangerous to people nearby.

*Mechano-crunching noises*
*Sounds of fireballs and burning purple*

Urist McHammer: Unlocking the door now. If the imps shoot you with fireballs, block with your shield, if they get past the cage traps, smash 'em to little tiny chunks of gore.

Urist McFemale: I forgot to bring a shield, will this infant work?

Urist McHammer: That'll be fine.

*Cage traps trap imps*

I definitely need to incorporate fire imps into my next noble death chamber living quarters.
Easier to clean up than magma or water probably.

[Labs]

Awsome ^
            |

[mattie2009]

Urist McNoble: So, my quarters are here, suspended over this bottomless chasm with no forms of escape other than this easily channelable bridge?

Urist McAwesome: Yes. Now go inside. It's perfectly safe. *Pulls the lever to unlock the door*

*Noble runs along the one-tile wide bridge to his chamber*

Urist McAwesome: *Pulls the lever again, sealing the door* You there! Dig out this floor!

Random miner of name unknown: Alright then, mister McAwesome! *Channel Channel Channel*

Urist McNoble: Hmm, I think I feel myself falling. Ah well. time to go to sleep.

*Urist McNoble's chamber falls into the bottomless pit*

Urist McAwesome: That's him dealt with. Now, let's see...

Urist McNoble 2: Urist McAwesome! Where are my adamantine gauntlets encrusted with large star rubies?!

Urist McAwesome: Over there. Go down the stairs, pull the lever to open the door and pull the lever in the middle of the room. Don't worry about the holes, we just thought they looked cool. Great, now I'll need to clean his guts up after the spike trap chamber does it's work.

*Urist McNoble 2 runs down the five flights of stairs and pulls the lever. He enters the room. Urist McAwesome pulls the lever again, sealing him inside.*

*Urist McNoble 2 pulls the lever gleefully. He is struck down by the many steel spikes that activate.*

Urist McAwesome: Incredible. Now for my well-deserved feast-

Urist McNoble 3: McAwesome! I demand to know where my adamantine helm encrusted with star rubies is!

Urist McAwesome: It's in that room over there, sir. Just pull the lever in that room over there. I'll give him his fracking adamantine helm. I'll give him steel bolts, that's for certain.

*Urist McNoble 3 walks into the room and pulls the lever. Three doors open, one closes. Three crossbowdwarves open fire on Urist McNoble 3, killing him.*

Urist McAwesome: Om nom nom nom. *Is eating a delicious Plump Helmet Roast*

[mattie2009]

P.S. mattie2009: "My jokes utterly blow." (+1 to blowgun rolls when in a good mood)

*Unamused*
I just gave an anecdote.
Curse sleeping. Curse it to hell.

[RandomNumberGenerator]

Urist McPeasant takes out the note that has his orders written on it:

1) Pull the lever, opening the floodgate.
2) Wait 10 seconds.
3) Pull the level, closing the floodgate.

Urist McPeasant pulls the lever.
The floodgate opens.
Urist McPeasant waits 10 seconds.
Urist McPeasant goes on break.
Fun^TM ensues.

[forsaken1111]

3. Because it gives you ideas for our traits?

Right . But the main reason is that I wanted to compile a DF jokes compendium.

You may have done this primarily for the jokes, but I joined primarily because I'm in awe of your pain skills and enjoying the RP. I always enjoyed the 'hardcore' style roleplay with systems such as Hackmaster.

[Areyar]

J/K: A most rare specimen: a dwarf who detests cats.

[Rowanas]

An Elf, a Human and a Dwarf walk into the tavern and each orders a Beer. When the three Beers arrive a fly lands in each one.

The Elf pushes the Beer away distainfully, wanting nothing to do with it.
The Human flicks out the fly and finishes the Beer in one gulp.
The Dwarf gingerly picks out the fly by its wings, gently holds it over his glass and screams "SPIT IT OUT YE BASTARD, SPIT IT OUT!!





A famous band of dwarven adventurers were sitting in a temple talking amongst themselves when one of the dwarfs stood up: "Father Cleric, are there any dwarf nuns in this church?", said Bashful.
"No, there aren't any dwarf nuns in this church." the Father Cleric replied.
So the dwarf sat back down and they continued to talk amongst themselves when another dwarf stood up: "Father Cleric, are there any dwarf nuns in this town?", asked Grumpy.
"No, I don't believe there are.", the Father Cleric replied.
The dwarf sat down and there was continued discussion amongst the dwarfs when another dwarf stood up: "Father Cleric, are there any dwarf nuns in this country?", asked Sleepy.
"No, as a matter of fact I don't believe there are any dwarf nuns in this country.", the Father Cleric replied.
The dwarf sat back down and there was much laughter.
The Cleric approached the group and asked "Why do you laugh so?"
And the dwarfs replied "Dopey fucked a penguin!"

[forsaken1111]

Awesome

Okay, that one cracked me up.

[Rowanas]

I don't suppose I could get extra IP for posting loads of these?

[Areyar]

probably not, but I'm sure goodwill of the DM could translate into cool extra personal traits. such as:
Rowanas lost a friend to comedy recently: +1 to rolls when making new friends

[Sysice]

Alright, time for me to try out...


Bringing two dogs to the fortress: Large supply of guards.
Bringing two cats to the fortress: Large supply of game crashing lag, traffic, and depression.

Who's dwarf's best friend n- oh wait, still dogs.


Yeah, I'm not getting in. I am not getting in so hard it will crack reality. The horrors of the underverse will pour from that chasm and devour all that lives.That is how much I am not getting in.


(Anyone who can name that quote wins one cookie)