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Author Topic: Remember, a story  (Read 5842 times)

Jackrabbit

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Re: Remember, a story
« Reply #45 on: August 16, 2009, 06:18:07 am »
What? Mistakes with the spelling? Where, where?
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Vester

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Re: Remember, a story
« Reply #46 on: August 16, 2009, 06:31:37 am »
I'm no longer sure about the first one, but anyway:

Quote
His admittedly limited knowledge of weapons lead him to believe that
The past tense of lead is led, not lead (I think)

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How you still alive without knowing what a Grody is
There's a 'be' missing there

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Batchelor, 23, working on developing
Remove the 't' only. ;D

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short sleave t-shirt and travelled

That's all I saw. Anyway they're really minor errors that I only noticed because I was reading slowly. It's a nice piece of work. :D
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Quote
"Land of song," said the warrior bard, "though all the world betray thee - one sword at least thy rights shall guard; one faithful harp shall praise thee."

Jackrabbit

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Re: Remember, a story
« Reply #47 on: August 16, 2009, 06:36:01 am »
Brilliant, thank you but for that second one, that's just how Alex speaks.
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Heron TSG

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Re: Remember, a story
« Reply #48 on: August 16, 2009, 08:51:30 pm »
Nice! Not only does the disease MELT PEOPLE, it makes them go crazy!

this could get
Spoiler (click to show/hide)
interesting.
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Est Sularus Oth Mithas
The Artist Formerly Known as Barbarossa TSG

Jackrabbit

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Re: Remember, a story
« Reply #49 on: August 19, 2009, 03:42:51 am »
Had to change a bit of the last update, it conflicted with some ideas I've had. See if you can spot the spoiler making change!
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Vester

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Re: Remember, a story
« Reply #50 on: August 19, 2009, 04:40:37 am »
It's morning instead of night?

...

That's not it, is it. Damn.
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Quote
"Land of song," said the warrior bard, "though all the world betray thee - one sword at least thy rights shall guard; one faithful harp shall praise thee."

Jackrabbit

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Re: Remember, a story
« Reply #51 on: August 19, 2009, 05:10:52 am »
Removed by the author. Paranoia cited as the cause.
« Last Edit: September 15, 2009, 03:17:06 am by Jackrabbit »
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Mulch Diggums

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Re: Remember, a story
« Reply #52 on: August 19, 2009, 06:45:03 am »
A bit of nit picking, "We never had it on" sounds really weird to me. I can't image any one ever saying that, or at least, saying it like that. A good rephrase might be "We've never had it on" or "Whats the point" , though those don't sound that good either. But any way, a disease that melts people, then turns the survivors gay? :P Nice story so far Jack. His little hallucination speaks like the Gman, that's sort of how I'm picturing him :D
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ooooo! Swamp wiskey! Yeah!!

sonerohi

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Re: Remember, a story
« Reply #53 on: August 19, 2009, 06:50:28 am »
It doesn't force them to be gay, but look at the situation. How many girls are in the army, and how many girls have zombie plans? How many guys for both of those?
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I picked up the stone and carved my name into the wind.

Jackrabbit

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Re: Remember, a story
« Reply #54 on: August 19, 2009, 07:01:38 am »
Okay, more will be explained, but the basic idea is that the near total destruction of humanity would make more people come out of the closet, because who's going to complain? Also, thanks for pointing that out, edited.
« Last Edit: August 19, 2009, 07:03:11 am by Jackrabbit »
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Vester

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Re: Remember, a story
« Reply #55 on: August 19, 2009, 07:34:41 am »
You should probably consolidate all the segments of the story into the original post, each in a separate spoilered section, that way they're all together.

...

Elevators are fine things.

EDIT: Can't wait to see what the ramifications of spending five years insane will be.
« Last Edit: August 19, 2009, 10:24:50 am by Vester »
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Quote
"Land of song," said the warrior bard, "though all the world betray thee - one sword at least thy rights shall guard; one faithful harp shall praise thee."

Jackrabbit

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Re: Remember, a story
« Reply #56 on: August 19, 2009, 03:30:17 pm »
I'll probably do that.
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Mulch Diggums

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Re: Remember, a story
« Reply #57 on: August 20, 2009, 03:13:35 am »
Oh I know, I was just joking about the disease turning them gay, part. Keep up the writing, eh? Its not bad.
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ooooo! Swamp wiskey! Yeah!!

Jackrabbit

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Re: Remember, a story
« Reply #58 on: August 20, 2009, 03:54:11 am »
Oh man, you had me really worried that everyone was going to misinterpret me.  :P
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Jackrabbit

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Re: Remember, a story
« Reply #59 on: August 24, 2009, 07:08:43 am »
Removed by the author. Paranoia cited as the cause.
« Last Edit: September 15, 2009, 03:17:12 am by Jackrabbit »
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