Setting: Inside an appartement or house, preferably a bland urban one. The more rundown the better.
A man, preferably one who looks a bit depressed, tired and dirty, knocks on a door ( preferably, in the case that he is at a house, while it's morning ).
A cheerful looking ( until she sees the man ) woman opens the door. The two stare at eachother for a few seconds before embracing eachother.
The man enters. Both sit down and start to talk. Out of the discussion, the viewer can derive that the man is the ex boyfriend of the woman. He ended the relationship for a career in a far away city/country/... but he never stopped loving her. Because of unfortunate events, he has lost all what he chose above her and now he has returned. He asks if she can forgive him for giving up their relationship, perhaps hinting at starting anew. The women makes it clear that she is in love with another man now, and that she cannot start anew. She pities him and gives him back a trinket/jewel ( a fake one seeing you have that budget ) he once gave her. The man is clearly shaken and leaves the appartment almost bursting out in tears.
He wanders around in a park ( it's getting late ). Possibly have him carrying a empty bottle of booze to imply he has been drinking between the conversation and this scene. He comes across a bench. A flashback can be seen in which the man and the women can be seen flirting with eachother on said bench. He sits upon the bench while holding the trinket in his palms. You can hear him crying. Possibly, teardrops falling upon the trinket/jewel for dramatic effect. The screen becomes black. A shot of the ground now. The trinket is lying on the flour/ground. Slowly, the camera goes up and you can see the man's feet hanging motionlessly in the air ( so that the viewer gains the impression that he hanged himself, but does not get any tangible confirmation ). The end!
Time frame is a day. With the encounter between man and women happening at day, the park scene at night.
This might be too much written out already, too stereotypical or just plain bad, I don't know, but in any case I hope you are something with it.
I admire your effort, but to be as bluntly honest as I can be, but to be honest, this is not that good.
In fact, it's quite terrible.
There's not much of a storyline. Man comes to woman, woman rejects man, man tries to win her over, fails. Man proceeds to drink himself stupor and hang himself. Teh edn.
I just don't see this being turned into a good movie. The only hope this has, is a novel. A long novel.
Here are a few pointers.
Why is the new love interest of the woman not introduced? In fact, why is he not at her house when the ex-boyfriend arrives? That creates a good conflict situation. Embarrassment, etc.
What happens during the entire 2nd act? There's no content there aside from the rejection and drinking.
How is the viewer supposed to realize the man is her ex-boyfriend? This needs to be placed in dialog. The best way? You guessed it. Put the new boyfriend in there who doesn't know the guy. So the woman has to explain.
This is more emotion than I would entrust my potential actors with. I really don't want to be doing 50 takes of every shot and then picking the one that sucks the least.
Why is she giving him back the trinket just now? Why not when he left?
Why is he hanging himself? I mean seriously!
Better yet, why is the hanging the ending? A good ending would be the woman discovering of this and starting to cry herself. Blaming herself even though it's not her fault. Etc.
Incidentally, where's the 3rd act? All there is in there is that one scene where the man hangs himself.
I must start writing a script by next month. So you guys should hurry up and throw your ideas at me.
Author
Topic: So I need to write a script... (Read 5916 times)