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Author Topic: So I need to write a script...  (Read 5914 times)

Yanlin

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So I need to write a script...
« on: July 15, 2009, 11:22:48 am »

I'm in the "Media" class in my school. Which means we learn how to make movies, television programs, advertisements, Etc. Starting with the new school year, I will have to produce, direct, film, script and edit (Because I really don't trust any of the other students in the class to do it. Seriously. They suck. Besides, more glory for me. Doing that stuff is the easiest part.) a small film up to 15 minutes long. Right now, step 1. Write a script.

I've read a really good book about it and I will be able to EASILY write the actual script. However, I am constrained on two departments:

1: Budget. As you'd imagine I don't have access to stunning CGI, pyrotechnics and a snack bar. Etc.

2: The time limit. 15 minutes is not a lot to work with. 30 minutes would do me fine. But 15 is just too short for my Übercreativity.



I'll iron out the storyline and do the actual scriptwriting process. (Contrary to popular belief, you don't just write a story like you would write, say, a report or a book.)

What I need of you creative guys, is a basic plot. Characters, ending, setting and timeframe. All to fit a tiny budget of under $50. (The stuff I'll work with will obviously be supplied. Camera, editing computer, etc. I'm talking about extra props and special materials for settings.)

I'll say again, I will write the actual scenes, dialog, acts, etc. I just need the 4 things I mentioned. Characters, ending, setting and a timeframe. Note that obviously I will modify these to fit. But it helps to already have a story to modify rather than start from scratch.

The book described an ingenious method of coming up with a fast script. But if I do that as my first script, it will be horrible and sound forced at every corner. So I will not be using that.
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mendonca

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Re: So I need to write a script...
« Reply #1 on: July 15, 2009, 11:39:26 am »

Characters:

Man
Woman
Tourist

Plot:

Man and Woman meet at a landmark. They talk.

Tourist talks to them, asks man for a photo of tourist.

Really it was an elaborate plot to take a sample of the mans dna from a sampler in the camera button.

Tourist turns himself into a physical doppelganger of man (using genetic material)

Tourist steals life of man. Do something interesting with the original man.

Woman doesn't notice the difference.

Man and woman meet at landmark. They talk.


There you go, you can have that one for free.
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Armok

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Re: So I need to write a script...
« Reply #2 on: July 15, 2009, 12:20:05 pm »

That sounds like an awesome school project. if I was on it i COULD do stunning CGI for you, but I'm not.
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Yanlin

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Re: So I need to write a script...
« Reply #3 on: July 15, 2009, 01:22:10 pm »

Characters:

Man
Woman
Tourist

Plot:

Man and Woman meet at a landmark. They talk.

Tourist talks to them, asks man for a photo of tourist.

Really it was an elaborate plot to take a sample of the mans dna from a sampler in the camera button.

Tourist turns himself into a physical doppelganger of man (using genetic material)

Tourist steals life of man. Do something interesting with the original man.

Woman doesn't notice the difference.

Man and woman meet at landmark. They talk.


There you go, you can have that one for free.

You completely missed the time constraint there. Good luck introducing characters and fleshing them out whilst still maintaining that elaborate linear storyline that is really unworthy of a script.

Did I mention I have fake science? You can't use someone's DNA to turn yourself into a physical copy of them!

That sounds like an awesome school project. if I was on it i COULD do stunning CGI for you, but I'm not.

I think a better way of saying it would be, there will not be any CGI. It all has to be live action.
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mendonca

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Re: So I need to write a script...
« Reply #4 on: July 15, 2009, 04:44:07 pm »


You completely missed the time constraint there. Good luck introducing characters and fleshing them out whilst still maintaining that elaborate linear storyline that is really unworthy of a script.

Did I mention I have fake science? You can't use someone's DNA to turn yourself into a physical copy of them!


Ok, first things first, my post was not flippant, contrary to the tone implied by your reply. I do however have no experience in this field, so listen to me at your peril.

I'll try and answer your cleverly hidden questions, and explain to you my thought process, as I genuinely believe there is some mileage in my idea. Whilst it may not be what you are looking for, I feel compelled to explain this out.

1. "Introducing characters and fleshing them out" - Personally I wouldn't really worry about 'characters' as you only have fifteen minutes. I would have thought three figures would have been ample.

2. "Elaborate linear storyline" - You only have fifteen minutes. Elaborate storylines will not work very well, in my opinion.

3. "Fake Science" - This is a metaphor for the lengths the guy will go to to replace the life of the other man. Easily done with no effects. Can just abstract this out with some bandages whilst he sleeps, or preferably some other, better idea.

Do you feel confident with dialogue? When it's not done well it can be really bad. I tried to avoid a dialogue heavy situation.


Some issues to cover and possibly explore that I can think of, and some that I did think of whilst posting first time round. Maybe they would even add some sort of depth to the idea (but I thought that was what you were going to do ;)):

- The two scenes, outside at a landmark and inside in the tourists house / flat would be the key scenes. This gives a great opportunity for exploring different lighting options (natural and artificial). Also get some good shots of people vs. landmark. Play with focus, pan through crowds etc. Get a knackered flourescent tube to introduce the old buzzing / flickering light in the apartment corridor.

An exercise in continuity would also be to shoot the first scene in the morning, have the film last a day, and shoot the last scene in the evening. Will give some excellent varying colors with the natural light, and perhaps show an attention to detail which may be appreciated by your teacher.

- Why does the tourist obsess about the woman?

- What about the life the tourist is happy to leave behind? Some clues could be introduced in to the script, maybe have him answering his answering machine when he gets back in to his flat, deleting all the messages after a cursory listen?

- Why does the tourist see the woman as 'property'?

- Why is the woman happy to take on the new man as hers? Clearly he would have a totally different personality, maybe the woman is insecure? Why? Commentary on loveless / empty relationships?

- Strangers could be thinking all sorts of things about you, maybe try and make the viewer paranoid?

- What about the mans life? maybe nobody misses him, and some visual (or otherwise) cue implies that the tourist is actually the 'Hero'?

uh ... I can't think of any more.

Maybe this helps anyway. If not, ah well, I had fun analysing my own stupid two-bit idea for some semblance of depth.
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Strife26

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Re: So I need to write a script...
« Reply #5 on: July 15, 2009, 10:04:07 pm »

Watching dragonheart while I'm watching this. Right after getting done with Patton, so be advised.


Plot: Old timey. Either midevil or persian or roman.

Lead: Grizzled Obi-wan knight. Honorable Knight Archetype (negates need for much characterization).

(Exposition, maybe three minutes) Knight has retired after years of fighting and moved to different kingdom. He doesn't want anything to do with war.

King does stupid ass shit. Like be a jerkass and a start religiously persecuting a bunch of caps (or take away civie weapons, whatever you want on the sliding scale of preachiness).

Messenger type demands Knights observance (make knight part of group). Knight tells him to fuck off. Messenger pulls sword. Knight kicks his ass unarmed.

Bunch of goons show up. Epic sword fight between knight and troops. Possibly to Lucky man.

Knight dies.

End.



 
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Yanlin

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Re: So I need to write a script...
« Reply #6 on: July 16, 2009, 10:51:28 am »


You completely missed the time constraint there. Good luck introducing characters and fleshing them out whilst still maintaining that elaborate linear storyline that is really unworthy of a script.

Did I mention I have fake science? You can't use someone's DNA to turn yourself into a physical copy of them!


Ok, first things first, my post was not flippant, contrary to the tone implied by your reply. I do however have no experience in this field, so listen to me at your peril.

I'll try and answer your cleverly hidden questions, and explain to you my thought process, as I genuinely believe there is some mileage in my idea. Whilst it may not be what you are looking for, I feel compelled to explain this out.

1. "Introducing characters and fleshing them out" - Personally I wouldn't really worry about 'characters' as you only have fifteen minutes. I would have thought three figures would have been ample.

2. "Elaborate linear storyline" - You only have fifteen minutes. Elaborate storylines will not work very well, in my opinion.

3. "Fake Science" - This is a metaphor for the lengths the guy will go to to replace the life of the other man. Easily done with no effects. Can just abstract this out with some bandages whilst he sleeps, or preferably some other, better idea.

Do you feel confident with dialogue? When it's not done well it can be really bad. I tried to avoid a dialogue heavy situation.


Some issues to cover and possibly explore that I can think of, and some that I did think of whilst posting first time round. Maybe they would even add some sort of depth to the idea (but I thought that was what you were going to do ;)):

- The two scenes, outside at a landmark and inside in the tourists house / flat would be the key scenes. This gives a great opportunity for exploring different lighting options (natural and artificial). Also get some good shots of people vs. landmark. Play with focus, pan through crowds etc. Get a knackered flourescent tube to introduce the old buzzing / flickering light in the apartment corridor.

An exercise in continuity would also be to shoot the first scene in the morning, have the film last a day, and shoot the last scene in the evening. Will give some excellent varying colors with the natural light, and perhaps show an attention to detail which may be appreciated by your teacher.

- Why does the tourist obsess about the woman?

- What about the life the tourist is happy to leave behind? Some clues could be introduced in to the script, maybe have him answering his answering machine when he gets back in to his flat, deleting all the messages after a cursory listen?

- Why does the tourist see the woman as 'property'?

- Why is the woman happy to take on the new man as hers? Clearly he would have a totally different personality, maybe the woman is insecure? Why? Commentary on loveless / empty relationships?

- Strangers could be thinking all sorts of things about you, maybe try and make the viewer paranoid?

- What about the mans life? maybe nobody misses him, and some visual (or otherwise) cue implies that the tourist is actually the 'Hero'?

uh ... I can't think of any more.

Maybe this helps anyway. If not, ah well, I had fun analysing my own stupid two-bit idea for some semblance of depth.

I set forth to try and write a first stage script from your story there and it went quite well. Do note that it is heavily modified.

Your post had no effect other than making me consider your story again. Your original story wouldn't have worked, but it inspired me to modify it and make it work. I managed to write a first stage Act I and explain a bit on why it worked and stuff, BUT THEN FIREFOX CRASHED! Normally, it would save all I wrote and it would still be there. BUT FOR SOME REASON, the forum gave me an error! So all that is lost! I remember it in my head though, but I don't feel like typing it up again.

To give you the gist of it, I established the Man and Woman in a romantic relationship and the Tourist as somebody who transforms himself into the Man. That's the end of Act I in a cleverly disguised turning point.

Act II would include the Tourist seeking his target. Something the Woman is hiding from him. The Woman could be a lot of things. A top secret researcher, a spy, a foreign criminal in charge for the recent credit crisis (I set the timeframe in the period after the crisis when things got a little steadier. As in, http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/TwentyMinutesIntoTheFuture but with no brand new tech. Only secret tech.

The Woman may be hiding something crucial for the Tourist's mission. The Tourist could be a government agent, an industrial spy, a rich money grubbing company owner looking to raise profits, (Best one, because it fits the timeframe the best.) Etc.

Two possible endings came to mind. A "good" one and a "bad" one.

I will list the endings. Do note it will sound a bit off. Trust me. Act II will set this straight. The Woman will have a reason to suspect and a reason to be in the location when it happens. I'd explain better, but I honestly don't feel like giving you the gist of a series of chapters in the book I read.

Good ending would be this:

The Woman catches the Tourist stealing whatever it is he's supposed to steal. The Tourist attempts to kill the woman, but she bests him and manages to restrain him. She knows that she can't call the police, because then the tech the Tourist used to assume the identity of the Man will become public knowledge. So she searches him for another of those devices he used to make the Man disappear (So the Tourist could assume his identity. Not have two Mans running about. (Lol, Mans.))

She finds it and uses it on the Tourist. The Tourist vanishes. Along with his clothes.

The "Bad" ending would be the Tourist achieves his objective and manages to kill the woman in a normal fashion. He lets police find her body and all the clues point to the Man. But the Tourist escapes and stops looking like the Man because he can control who he looks like. The Man vanishes effectively. Nobody suspects what actually happened.

This sounds VERY shitty, I know. But I can't really write it in this fashion. It would sound WAY better in script form. Trust me on this one.



Mendonca, your post made me do ONE thing. Reconsider your story. Your original story hardly worked at all. It was, to put it bluntly, terrible for a short script. It would make a good movie, a good book, novel, whatever. But not a short movie.

However, after I modified it a bit, it suited much better. It COULD work and if I don't get any better ideas, I will use my modified version of your story.

Do take note that I am unable to give credit to you, as you are not somebody ANYONE in my school knows. Including my teachers. They will not allow me to use a story written by someone else. The loophole here is that you did not give me a story, but an idea.

So the credit must be this post.

If the script gets a good grade then you will have another thanks.

Like I said. If this turns out to be the best idea, I'll use it.
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mendonca

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Re: So I need to write a script...
« Reply #7 on: July 16, 2009, 12:12:35 pm »

It was, to put it bluntly, terrible for a short script. It would make a good movie, a good book, novel, whatever. But not a short movie.

Thats ... just ... your opinion, man.

In all seriousness I think even the worst idea can be fleshed out in to a decent one of any of the above with good writing.

If you can read between the lines of a stupid little plot in the right way, you can come up with an interesting story.

Do take note that I am unable to give credit to you, as you are not somebody ANYONE in my school knows.

My motivation was purely altruistic. Feel free to deny any of this ever happened.

Like I said. If this turns out to be the best idea, I'll use it.

Good luck with however you choose to proceed (I should have added this to my previous post - very impolite of me)
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Yanlin

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Re: So I need to write a script...
« Reply #8 on: July 16, 2009, 01:26:21 pm »

It was, to put it bluntly, terrible for a short script. It would make a good movie, a good book, novel, whatever. But not a short movie.

Thats ... just ... your opinion, man.

In all seriousness I think even the worst idea can be fleshed out in to a decent one of any of the above with good writing.

If you can read between the lines of a stupid little plot in the right way, you can come up with an interesting story.


While it is true that ANYTHING can become a decent script in the hands of an epic writer, I am not an epic writer. Besides, a good story is easier to turn into a good script. Which means the script is better.

About reading between the lines, as a script writer, I don't read between the lines. I read between the LETTERS. THAT is how thorough I have to be.

A script has to be sure not to fall to bad-acting syndrome where you can have a neutral face guy yelling about somthing utterly mundane. Here's an example of a BAD scene and a GOOD scene.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Apart from the obvious joke, do you see anything wrong here?

I see a lot of things wrong. Where's the acting? Allow me to demonstrate.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)



This is where the scene ends. In scripts, you mark the end of a scene by starting a new one. So obviously there's no "End scene" mark.

I went for a crappy love scene. You may call the dialog bland and horrible, but trust me. If you should ONE scene from a movie, it WILL look horrible if the crowd never saw the movie or read the script. They will not know what's going on. The personalities of the characters were established previously.

Now you can see the clear difference. The first scene had no dialog or explenation on expression. Remember, in a movie, what you see is equally important to what you hear. You need the facial expressions. Sure the director would put them in. But he may not be able to do it equally well. The script WRITER knows the story inside out. As he wrote it. He knows EXACTLY what it should be like. The director DOESN'T.

I have the pleasure of being both for my film. But that will not excuse poor scriptwriting.



Back to the point itself, if the script is not thorough in writing the whole scene, you cannot expect it to work properly on the screen. Notice that in the first, a lot of details were left out. What the characters were wearing was not explained, they had no dialog or expressions, the location wasn't written properly, Etc. They just jumped in on the bed and started having sex.

In the second scene, the buildup exists. The expressions exist. The sex is subtly hinted on. The dialog (I'll admit I didn't even try to make it reasonably good. I just needed a quick example. You can't write dialog for one scene properly without writing the whole script.) was there.

Note that the script is not written in proper form. It is in shortened form. Remember, one A4 page of script is about 1 minute on screen. A scene typically takes 3-5 minutes. I write my scenes short in the first drafts.

I'll mention this one last time. This is NOT how I would write a scene for a script. I'm just scribbling a draft scene. (You don't write the final version first, do you? You write DRAFTS.) I'd like to mention that something like this would be part of another scene. Not an entire scene in itself.

Of and by the way, since the film and script will be in Hebrew, you probably wont understand the film. So I'll translate the finished script to English and post it for whom it concerns. (Anyone who wants to see how shitty my work is.)

But you wont be able to see the actual film. Can't upload it on the internet for reasons I'd rather not talk about.
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Broose

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Re: So I need to write a script...
« Reply #9 on: July 16, 2009, 05:24:02 pm »

I AM FILLED WITH GENIUS:

A man and his family are going on a vacation to a place. The man is visited by a GHOST that warns him not to go on the vacation.  This leads to the man contemplating if he should go on the vacation or not. He decides to go on the vacation. His family has a great time.

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GruffyBears

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Re: So I need to write a script...
« Reply #10 on: July 16, 2009, 08:12:38 pm »

I LOVE THAT!! It screams "Fuck ghosts 'n' shit, I wanna day off!"

((It teaches the viewer that no-one, not even the mythical undead,who are revered for having some kind of foresight due to there deadness, are infallible.))
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Yanlin

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Re: So I need to write a script...
« Reply #11 on: July 17, 2009, 05:12:11 am »

I AM FILLED WITH GENIUS:

A man and his family are going on a vacation to a place. The man is visited by a GHOST that warns him not to go on the vacation.  This leads to the man contemplating if he should go on the vacation or not. He decides to go on the vacation. His family has a great time.



Ah the old cliche.

Guy wants to do something.

Someone/something warns him not to.

Guy does it anyway.

Guy is successful.
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chaoticag

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Re: So I need to write a script...
« Reply #12 on: July 17, 2009, 06:41:43 am »

American tourists go on a vacation. Their hotel is haunted by a ghost. The ghosts annoys the tourists with his attempt to scare them off. They offer him American products to help solve his problems, such as clanky chains and so on. Ghost gets annoyed.
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Yanlin

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Re: So I need to write a script...
« Reply #13 on: July 17, 2009, 07:23:23 am »

That appears to be half a troll.

Could you people at least TRY to come up with a story like Mendonca did?
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chaoticag

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Re: So I need to write a script...
« Reply #14 on: July 17, 2009, 11:41:28 am »

In all honesty, I stole that from Oscar Wilde, but it is public domain (copyright expired a long time ago).

Do you want comedy? action? a philosophically provoking work? What talent do you have?

Bad actors generally are better at comedy, because no one takes them seriously (but don't break the forth wall). The budget constraints aren't a problem for whatever genre you want, but don't expect explosions.

It would help if you could narrow down the genre for us: we can focus on it better that way.
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