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[Karnewarrior]

how do you mince milk?

[Judas Maccabeus]

how do you mince milk?

Leave it out too long.  Then you can mince it as many times as you like.

[Chalk]

In a fortress with no justice (but an idle hammerer/noble class), my mayor had a years-old charge against him for not fulfilling a mandate. This was never an issue until today.

For some reason, he was abruptly stripped of his title, jailed, and hammered to death. Him and no one else. He is survived by his wife, nine children, and a fortressful of friends.

His only grudge? The duke's second-born.

All I'm saying is that it doesn't look good. Not good at all.

[Karnewarrior]

how do you mince milk?

Leave it out too long.  Then you can mince it as many times as you like.

Eeeeewwwwww!  sounds like my sister.

[Grendus]

I had started a wimps empty wagon challenge (where I embark with 7 untrained dwarves, an empty wagon... and a battle axe). I had only gathered enough money for a single pick, so inside of a season my miner was legendary just from hollowing out basic storage and working areas. My only military dwarves at this time are my miner and a hunter who's up to expert marksdwarf.

For some reason, I received a goblin ambush about this time (don't ask how, I really don't know, I had only produced a few thousand db in goods total). My miner was drinking at the time, when a goblin maceman whacked him in the spleen doing light gray damage. So I'm thinking "oh crap, there goes my miner". I quickly draft my hunter to fight them off, but he's on the other side of the map stalking an elk or something, so he has to make a long run. In the meantime, I order the rest of my dwarves into the pitiful defensive tunnels I have.

All of a sudden, my miner just goes batshit crazy on the goblins. Without being drafted, he single handedly kills all 8 goblins with a copper mining pick. By the time he's finished, his light gray spleen wound has healed. One of the goblins limps away to be picked off by my hunter, but overall the entire ambush was run off by a civilian.

Later my hunter (turned professional soldier once I had my first immigrant wave) shot 6 goblins in the next ambush and bludgeoned one to death with a no quality wooden crossbow. These were bowgobs too, killed three caravan guards and four of my other marksdwarves. Yes, he had a pretty long title after that.

[Dwarf fort 27]

Jailed three civilians after tantruming about lack of chairs, put them on restraints in meh arena and set up a prisoner slaughter by 4 gobo macemen, i pulled the lever to release the gobos out of there cages and the civilians from there restraints, the gobos proceded to blugeon the 1st civilian to death then moved on to the next one the 2nd civilian actually did damage to one of the gobos cripplen it, the gobos destroyed number 2, on to the 3rd and final civilian, the dwarf killed one gobo and badly injured the other 2, but he alas was killed  the 2 surviving gobos bled to death, the civilians of meh fortress had a good showing that day.

[Bel-Shamharoth]

how do you mince milk?

he's legendary, man.

[takaratiki]

An unfulfilled dwarf, feeling his life without meaning, dragged himself to the fourth floor of the central hall and without a second thought on the matter hurled himself off the atrium deck, splattering a huddle of dwarven bystanders in the foyer with an epic smear of gore. Amongst them was a close friend who spiralled into a deepening funk, lost her mind completely, and spent the rest of the season fruitlessly leaping into a 1z perimeter trench in apparent imitation of her bosom mate. I'm thinking of erecting a statue in their honor...

[Lalandrathon]

Set the statues atop a manual cave-in trap: a fittingly dwarfy tribute.

[TheIncredibleChris]

Goblin ambush trapped one mason outside, and chased her halfway across the map. My novice axedwarf squad was sent out to deal with the goblins, but couldn't catch up.

So I recruited the mason, figuring that at the very least she'd stop running further from the army. She kills one goblin, wounds two and gets halfway to the rally point with a mangled leg, broken head and half a dozen other wounds before being jumped again. This time she holds the goblins off long enough for the axedwarves to pulverise the ambush. And by the time the battle ended, she'd healed everything except the head and leg injuries.

The axedwarves surprised me in the other direction. Despite having training, armour, shields and weapons, there were two KIAs out of the 6 that bothered to turn up for the fight.

[Rowanas]

Thank you RNG.

[Malsqueek]

Wow... So, I stumbled upon adamantine in my second season, before even getting my real rooms up and running.

King shows up. So, I spend a year converting ALL my production to setting up a Noble's room. He runs around, throwing tantrums because nothing I put in his room is nice enough. He just went Beserk because nothing was nice enough.

Sorry King. You are getting locked in your "horribly underfurnished bedroom" until you die. That is what you get for moving into a pig-farm and being pissed off because it isn't Paris.

[MuonDecay]

My fortress repeatedly surprises me when I find that yet another uncommon megabeast has arrived.

I thought that in most worldgens that don't have the end date set early or the megabeast check altered, there really aren't enough of the really impressive ones left in the world for even one to show up to most forts. My current fort, which is around 40 years old now, has had an embarassment of megabeasts in its lifetime.

The hydra visit I would expect. The four titan visits is a bit high but titans are common enough I can accept it... but having 5 legendary dragons visit, not one of them even injured on arrival, surprised me every time. I'd heard that dragons almost never visit forts and if they do they're usually wounded from legends. Five unscathed dragons wandering there during one fort session? Amazing.

The fifth surprised me further, by showing up pre-tamed.

[Servu]

Today I was looking around my entrance hall, minding stuff like logistics and stocks while looking at the dorfs walking around. Suddenly one of my stonecrafters (a female one) proceeds to menstruate all over the nicely engraved floor and die to blood loss soon after. She did not have any injuries, nor had she ever been in battle or even outside the fort as far as I know. She even was happy during the incident. Now some poor sap has to scrub all that floor.

This happened a long time ago in a different fort: A dwarven caravan visited in the autumn as usual, but as soon as the liason arrived, he immediately left and I got the "A diplomat has left unhappy" message. As if this wasn't baffling enough the caravan, after reaching the depot never managed to unpack their goods for some reason. The caravan stood in my trade depot until I abandoned the fortress.

[Matt2358]

My gem cutter made a mug worth 183,600 Dollars. It has metal, leather, a cheetah image, and three faint yellow diamonds in it.

Sounds like a ridiculously ugly mug, with a yellow, cheetah theme. And it's worth 183,600 bucks.
Also:

I position my main stairwell like this
                  OXO
                  XXX
                  XXX
                  OXO
Where the O's are open space. It looks cool and lets me have wells at my entrance, and provides occasional fun. It provides an easy space for melancholy dwarves to commit suicide though.

Anyways, my paraplegic guard goes melancholy, gets up, WALKS to my stairwell, and kills himself.