Needed something to read to get me through the work day. Randomly picked this thread and am currently up to page 10. So envious!
I've never had a lucid dream. I barely even dream, at least that I can remember. Sometimes I wake up with some faint emotional residue and rarely some imagery letting me know that I had a dream, but everything is gone within a couple minutes. Most nights I lay down and wake up and there's just nothing in between. Nothing.
I've only had a handful of dreams in my entire life that I've been able to remember long-term. As far as I can tell, I've only ever had two nightmares. In the few dreams I do remember, everything is always 3rd person like I'm not even in my own mind. It's like the dream is a tv show with myself as the main character but I'm just watching passively from the outside. I'm aware of my character's thoughts, but they don't feel like my own. The only part that I actually experience as if I'm a part of it is the emotions of my character, which are usually very bland. The me that I am observing in the dream seems to be aware that he's in a dream, and thus has no real emotional reaction to anything. At the same time, the actual me that is disconnected and just observing the dream, doesn't realize that it's a dream. Does this make any sense?
I'm also a very very deep sleeper. It's really hard to wake me up. I once slept through lightning striking my house. I have a wife and two kids, and have been conditioned after a few years to wake up if they yell at me, but they're the only noise that can wake me. Otherwise I need to be continually shaken for a few minutes. Even after I'm awake, I'm extremely slow to get going. I feel like all the blood in my body is replaced with glue.
I really hate sleep. It's like time that just disappears. Even as a child, my parents could never put me to sleep. As a toddler, I would just go full speed until I crashed face first into whatever I was doing. As I got older, I just read books in the dark all night. As a teenager, I would stay up 2-3 days at a time regularly just for fun, and barely feel any effects. Can't do that anymore.
I'm heavily introverted so it already feels like I get so little of my life to myself to do with as I please, between work and family. Then sleep is like this 5-6 hours a night (the most I can force myself to get most nights) that I'm forced to throw into this void of nothingness. I would probably be more ok with it if I could learn to lucid dream and actually do something with that time. I've tried some of the tricks like building a habit of counting my fingers and such over the last year or so... but nothing so far.