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Total Members Voted: 44

[Vander]

I vote we make this a competition. People Submit their stories for say a week, then at the end of the week a poll is started to award the most amusing story about a dwarf removing himself from the gene pool with a Dwarvin award. Make it an annual, semi-annual, or even monthly thing.

[Itnetlolor]

How about the week after, we also come up with hypothetical worst-case scenario darwinism/deaths?

Essentially, "A god just freaking made you to see how badly you can fail, Urist." challenge. Example, a miner was finishing up his clearing of the shredder trap ceiling (removing, that is), until... da dum DUM!!!

Cave-in occurs, he falls into the chainsaw trap just after crossing the crossbow trap (removing an eye, but not killing him just yet, as well as his chest and legs being pincushions and a punctured lung) while a cage trap was JUST nearby. Seeing as there was a magma moat installed as well, his head was the first part to fall in, as the rest of his unrecognizable parts were collected by the local butcher and animals, and were then cooked into a stew.

All just by knocking himself out towards a trap gallery purely by a cave-in accident.

[Vander]

damn it how do you delete posts? I hit reply instead of modify.

[Greiger]

Probably wouldn't be up for competition since it includes modding, but pretty good anyway.

An Argonian (Lizard people from Elder Scrolls, can breathe underwater) liaison comes to my fort with a caravan.  I prepare for the caravan as normal and perform the trading.  But after awhile I realize that nobody has met the liaison.  I look around a bit and see the mayor/bookeeper/broker's office.  One z level below the surface, next to the moat.  And I see the liaison underwater, directly opposite the wall of the mayor's office, just chilling out.

He won't move, seems his brain turned off from dangerous terrain.  So I'm preparing to get the moat drained to rescue his dumb ass, since he is quite important for me getting my yearly supply of dead fish, when a goblin ambush shows up.  Instead of heading into my fortress, they instead decide to shoot arrows and pointy doom at the liaison.  This causes him to panic and swim down the moat and into the river proper.  Where he is nice and safe from the goblins.

Until the fish took notice anyway.  He couldn't quite out swim those suckers, and the fortress marksmen were too busy shooting at greenskins to help him. The world was suddenly short one liaison and the river got another fresh coating of dumbass blood.

[Akjosch]

So, one of my haulers, Kivish, got interrupted by a batman near the chasm. No big deal, right? Batmen are easy kills. So I draft him in and let him deal with the pest.

The batman gets lucky and manages to evade the attack. "Ha!", thinks Kivish, "You won't escape me so easily!" and leaps after him.

Kivish Alåthulåb, Hauler cancels Store Item in Stockpile: Interrupted by Batman.
Kivish Alåthulåb has become a Recruit.
Kivish Alåthulåb, Hauler has fallen into a deep chasm.
Squad "The Geared Fleshes" has been annihilated!

[Anticipation]

I was digging out a channel which goes from a water source to a chasem (don't ask why). I got a mason to build some walls so that the water doesn't go everywhere and flood my fort out but this particular mason build the wall from the wrong side and locked himself in. I tried getting him out but eventually lost patience and opened up the floodgate. That was when I learnt water can push objects. Poor guy went screaming down into the chasem.

[Akhier the Dragon hearted]

I made this map where I had planned to mine the whole bottom out then collapse it all with a few survivors on a scaffolding thing attached to the edge. this worked fine except this one mason was above ground when the thing collapsed and when the game finally processed it all and started up again the people on the scaffolding where alive the people underground where dead and in a cool little glitch the guy above ground was just floating in mid air a few z levels above the ground where the ground used to be. promptly I tried to built a stairway up to him to free him and when the last stairs was in the making ORC siege and promptly the couple non-stuck dwarfs died. it took 2 years for the dwarf to die after going melancholy. I guess this is understandable seeing as in one moment the world drops out from under him killing everyone of his friend except 2 of them with him stuck in midair, then having the 2 survivors trying to get him down only to be killed by orcs in the last moment leaving him starving and dehydrating as his friend and a female dwarf who I find out he was married to rot below him just out of reach.

I had let the siege happen because I did not realize the outside world had gotten reconnect because before it was basically a channel all around the outside.

[jryan]

I had a nice fortress a while back that had a large "showroom" carved into a mountain side (large room for storing finished goods with a depot in the middle) surrounded by a moat, and a drawbridge.

I thought I was being clever because I also carved a narrow walkway around to the back of my moat, and a long snaking tunnel that connected to my fortress proper.

This tunnel had a door that was connected to the drawbridge... so with one level I would deny a siege force access to my main entrance and force them to use the other path with was heavily trapped.

So good so far....

Well, in the fortress I have a legendary weaver and clothier... the Tommy Hilfiger of dwarf kind.  He made lots of nice clothes.  But he wasn't too bright, and neither was I.

A siege finally descended on my fort, and I happily through the level and waited for my plan to take effect.....

Then Tommy Dwarfiger decided to head OUT though the alternate route to gather some silk (I failed to realize I would need to set "all dwarves stay in fort").  He ran out to the chasm and started collecting webs when he was rightfully murdered for his stupidity by an axe goblin.

Ok, I can live without all the fine clothing!!

Then word spread through the fortress that rare Tommy Dwarfiger clothes... the clothes he was wearing at the time of his death... were laying around first come first serve.

It was like a California Gold Rush....

All my dwarves went running out of the fortress (dang, should have learned that lesson already...) to gather up the Dwarfiger memorabilia and encountered the Goblin force advancing.  So my 20 to 30 dwarves did a quick about face and ran back to the fortess...

... And tripped ever single trap in their careless mad dash to safety.

By the time the Goblins arrived they must have been laughing pretty hard.  30 dwarves laying dead lining a hallway into the main base with only a few dwarves sleeping or getting drunk left to defend.

[Thanshin]

Trader who after being called to the trading post:

- Goes to eat.
- Goes to drink.
- Attends party.
- Goes to sleep.
- Has his bed decostructed.
- Attends a different party.
- Goes to drink.
- Reaches the Trading post exactly as they decide to go.
- Dies with many humans and animals in what will always be remembered as "The misterious simultaneous switching of the 'Seal Trading Post' and the 'Open Floodgate' levers".

[Pyrophoricity]

My nomination; Salty the fisherdwarf

Decided that the intricate "bridge over dangerous river" trap was a perfect place to fish, the orcs ran over it, bridge drops, orcs start to drown, all seems fine. Salty panics at the sight of drowning orcs and flees, straight past the local leader who puts his sword through Salty's chest.

Salty the fishdwarf, seriously, why were you out there?..

[Albedo]

. I got a mason to build some walls so that the water doesn't go everywhere and flood my fort out but this particular mason build the wall from the wrong side and locked himself in. I tried getting him out but eventually lost patience and opened up the floodgate. That was when I learnt water can push objects. Poor guy went screaming down into the chasem.

(Are you nominating your dwarf or yourself?) 

[Byakugan01]

It looks kind of like both to me. On one hand, the mason walled himself in, and would have starved/been bat food anyway. On the OTHER HAND...that dwarf didn't pull the lever.

 I'll put up a poll after we get a few more to decide which ones will get officially awarded, I like that idea. Generally, on the DA site the awards are decided monthly, and there are multiple winners, so I'll poll for the frequency of awards here first, then place a poll for the voting. And keep them coming!

[NFossil]

The dwarven mom that decided to give birth into the hole under my magma forge.
My dwarves also have a tendency to run away from the watchtowers during an ambush.

[Leafsnail]

The dwarven mom that decided to give birth into the hole under my magma forge.

Wouldn't qualify - there have to be no innocent bystanders.  Eh, who cares.  Mine has loads.

Anyway, how about this one?  I got bored of a fortress, and decided to flood the whole thing.  The water went down, and before long all my dwarves were stuck inside by the fast flow of water.  The dining room was taken out, but brave dwarfs were able to take food downstairs (and obviously water wasn't a problem).  Of course, the ones trapped in their rooms (including the count, the tax collecter (who shared a room) and a liason (who was meeting the count)) died quite quickly, so the upper floor became a tantrumming hellhole.  One of my gemcutters decided that he'd had enough.  He tantrummed, and killed a dog.  His own dog, as it turned out.  Not only was he arrested (100 days in prison for murder) but he was also furious for having lost a pet.  He killed the first guard who came to arrest him, and smashed several buildings.  He was eventually taken into jail, where he killed his jail mate, seriously wounded a guard, and smashed his own chain.  By this time, he had over 4 years in jail to deal with.  The hammerer then decided that enough was enough.  He had been trapped outside, and decided to run into the fort.  Poor guy forgot that a rather high pressure jet of water was still firing in through the front enterance.  He was swept downstairs and fell down the garbage shaft.  The garbage shaft was not designed for killing, so the hammerer had to lie at the bottem, seriously injured, as water and random stuff from the fort continued to build up on him.

Then another thing happened.  Another dwarf tried to win an award.  The rogue gem cutter decided to punch another guard in the head, and seriously injured him.  So a clothier comes rushing to his aid.  He decides to take the guard to his bed.  In the barracks.  Upstairs.

Now, I had actually tapped the river in two places.  One near the entrance, one in the barracks.  However, the door remained closed, so the barracks was now full of 7/7 water.  What did the clothier do?  He opened the door, sand swum right in.  Even as both he and his injured comrade began to drown, he continued to try and swim to a bed.  Suddenly, he realises that deep water = bad.  He runs a bit, and drops the guard.

Where does he drop him?  On top of the door.  The water rushed out and swept mr Clothier into the main stream, so he joined the hammerer at the bottem of the garbage chute.

[Kidiri]

Where does he drop him?  On top of the door.  The water rushed out and swept mr Clothier into the main stream, so he joined the hammerer at the bottem of the garbage chute.

Urist McClothier: You stay right here. I'll go find something to keep this door shut before the whole place floods!
Urist McPain: Uuuurgh *falls unconscious*

Urist McClothier has drowned.