Sodel Ushildegel, the Mad King of Armorsoaked
High in the mountains, where no dwarf dared to tread for fear of the ancient mythical beasts that made their homes in the many writhing caves that wormed their way down to the very depths of the world, a madman named Sodel lead an expedition of twenty degenerates and lost souls, bound for the pits of hell and without purpose. He probed the caves untouched by time, he avoided creatures too grotesque for description, he wound his way through the chasms and black pits and trenches rife with the smell of death with naught to show for it but a wide smile and a spring in his step.
One day, he made camp. He struck the earth with an old rusted pick and carved himself a place where he would be king. A king of the mad and the damned. From far and wide all the beggars, and the plague victims, and the demon worshipers threw up their hats and shouted to the good will of "Sodel, the Mad King of the ancient and the unknown!" From the cold earth he brought forth gold and iron, from the dead ground he brought forth Beer and food, and all about him rejoiced.
Armok looked down on this spectacle and was displeased. For from the mad comes no worship and no tithe, and the Mad King was godless and rebellious. And so Armok spoke to Sodel in his sleep, and said thus. "Sodel, you are a fool drenched in his own pride. You have forsaken me, and I shall forsake you in turn. For all your accomplishments are as nothing to me, as the cities of ants are as nothing to the giants. In seven days an army of Orcs, every one a mirror of your lunacy and outrage, will descend upon you and crush all you have wrought. Heed this warning, and prepare for your destruction."
Sodel awoke the next morning, smiling as he always did, but now invigorated with new found purpose. For six days and seven nights he toiled, oblivious to the world around him and full of joy. And on the seventh day the Orcs did come, and they stormed upon the keep and slaughtered all within. But there, at the end of a long hallway stood Sodel, laughing maniacally.
Filled with the wrath of Armok, the Orcs charged at the lone dwarf. But as they charged, they were one by one ensnared in elaborate and cruel traps. One Orc was caught by both arms and legs, only to be slowly torn apart. another was caught between two stones and slowly crushed to death. Each trap was unique and clever as it was gruesome and terrible. But the leader of the Orcs was a cunning swordmaster, and he was not caught. He stood behind the others as they were picked off one by one. And when all the Orcs were dead or dying, and all the traps sprung, he threw himself at Sodel, and just as his blade fell, and the power of Armok turned the stone in the hall to slag, and the laughter of the Mad King reached it crescendo, a huge steel box descended from the ceiling, fell onto him and went right through the floor.
The container fell into an infinite black pit, the laughter following it into the depths of existence. And as Sodel laughed, Armok said a final word to him. "Mad King, you have avoided my attack and rebuffed my anger. You are truly a man worthy of song. So now, in my mercy, I shall give you a final gift; immortality. May you live forever under the mountains you call your domain."
And the laughter stopped.
Based on a true story.
