28th Slate, 353
"More brandy?" offered Emerin, tilting the jug over Ragna's mug. The captain gave an agreeable nod and Emerin poured a little more of the bronze liquor into the vessel. She leant back into her chair and placed the jug on the desk, picking up her own mug.
"I wanted to commend you and your dwarves on dealing with the goblin raid last month," she said. "You all did yourselves proud."
"Thank you," accepted Ragna. "The dwarves are in good spirits, though Goden took too hard a blow to the head during sparring. He's training with Broose now. A more than proficient axedwarf before it happened, so he needs fear no ridicule." Emerin nodded in agreement. Loksvig had mentioned once about the stigma attached to marksdwarves who'd simply failed basic training and had to be assigned to the bowsquads without even seeing battle.
"You all showed solidarity, leadership and direction. The community needs that."
"We have you to thank for that. I know it's been difficult for you, for all of us, but you've kept this place together. After Dodok's death, people looked to you for leadership and you were there."
"That's actually the issue," explained Emerin, averting her eyes. "I won't be."
"What?"
"The wagon's nearly finished, captain. I'm getting on it when it is and I'm leaving."
"You're abandoning us?" asked Ragna, a cool steel edge to her voice.
"No, no," muttered Emerin, waving her hand and not daring to look at the dwarf opposite. "If any others want to leave, I'll take them with me, and if there are too many then we'll get more lumber and make more, like we said. It's just that..." She took a breath. "I don't think any of you want to."
"Pardon?" asked Ragna, the steel remaining in her tone. Emerin looked at her directly now, a hint of red at the edges of her eyes.
"Look, I've seen how people react to the announcements about the wagon. Lukewarm responses, as if they agree it's a good thing but it's not for them. I'm afraid that if I call out for people looking to leave, all of you will just shove your hands in your pockets and pretend you didn't hear me!"
"All of 'you'? All of us, Emerin."
"You know what I mean," said Emerin dismissively.
"Yes, I do," pressed Ragna, not letting this go. "With you it's always been 'them and us', 'us' and 'the migrants'. You're polite, you're diplomatic and you work hard, but you don't really connect, Emerin. The dwarves out there, the ones that marched miles across a desert to find you? They - we are your people, Emerin. We chose to follow you. You're still clinging to a dream where it's just seven dwarves trying to get out of the desert, and that's just not the case any more."
"It's the only dream I have!" moaned Emerin. "You chose to follow me? I didn't choose to lead you! This all got thrust upon me! You want to know how this started? A week after we crashed here, the seven of us were gathered around the boat one evening rationing out the glow wine and Broose suddenly asked who we were taking orders from. Dani said she'd take them from anyone who made sense, Fath said he'd go along with anything and Frey started demanding why we should have someone giving the orders anyway. Next thing I know, Frey and Broose are practically at each other's necks over the issue and I just snap and tell them both that if they're going to act like children, I'd give the orders and they could bloody well follow them.
"Then they did! I can't believe they actually did, but from then on I was stuck with this whole mission of getting us out of here, of trying to get everything in order. It wasn't so bad at first. Everyone chipped in, there were only seven of us to look after, but then suddenly you- I mean, you and the dwarves you travelled with all joined us and people were looking to me for real leadership. Now I have files, and a desk, and an office. This is not my life, Ragna! All I wanted was to get out of gaol, get to a little coastal town somewhere and find one of my retirement caches. That was the plan. Get out, get hold of a stash and it'd be wine and jam from then on. I did not ask to be made leader of some gods-damned camp in the middle of a barren desert!"
"You did not ask," said Ragna evenly, her voice softening, "but you took up the mantle anyway. I find it fits you better than you imagine." Emerin sighed and cradled her head in her hands.
"I don't want it. My job was to get us, the seven of us, out of here. I can finish that job, at least. When the wagon is done, we'll be getting on it. The camp is yours. You and everyone who stays. You built it, you've earned it. There's more than enough scope here to survive on your own."
"Nothing I say will make you change your mind on this?"
"No, but I understand why you try. I promised you a future here, Ragna, and I've done everything I can to ensure it. I never promised you I'd be a part of that future." Emerin ran her hands through her hair and looked up. "Do me this last favour? Ask around, see if anyone wants to leave - really wants to leave. If they do, tell them to be at the marketplace the day the wagon is prepared to join on the woodcutting expedition. I won't doom anyone to stay here that doesn't want to."
"Aye, I can do that." Ragna drained her mug and stood up. She drew her sword and saluted with it. "It's been an honour, ma'am."
"Yes, well," blushed Emerin. "I'm not gone yet. You're, uh, dismissed, Captain. Good luck."
"Also to you, ma'am. Also to you."
Emerin watched the captain as she left, then looked down at the desk before her. She picked up the ancient mural from the caverns and regarded it, deep in thought about the future.