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Inaluct (lvl 10 ninja)

3 (23.1%)

Joshua (lvl 9 wizard)

1 (7.7%)

Aqizzar (lvl 9 hawkman)

1 (7.7%)

Strife (lvl 9 knight)

0 (0%)

Duke (lvl 9 knight)

0 (0%)

ArcAngel (lvl 8 knight)

0 (0%)

Okenido (lvl 8 cleric)

2 (15.4%)

Vlynndar (lvl 10 wizard)

3 (23.1%)

Dragoobl (lvl 7 ninja)

3 (23.1%)

Total Members Voted: 13

[inaluct]

I didn't even know about elemental bonuses.

Damn, why did I pick fire?! Lava is so uncommon.

[Shoruke]

Are you gonna grind for these emblems on all the characters?

Not ALL of them...

Strife: "Why am I doing this again?"

Because I paid you 1,000 goth. It was totally worth it.

I didn't even know about elemental bonuses.

Damn, why did I pick fire?! Lava is so uncommon.

Well scorched earth gives you a small bonus too... But it's rare... But then again you get bonuses against all of the (very very many) water elemental people in the game. And besides, I need SOMEONE to give the awesome fire weapons to.

[Shoruke]

Spoiler: Game (click to show/hide)

Okay so I guess I'll just head off to Formido then...



Ah dammit.



Well if the laws of video game logic hold true (one of them is, anyone who asks for help will join you or give you free stuff if you help them), then I guess we should rescue that poor little fairy.



Shoruke: Finally! A fight where we can kill the enemies in whatever order we want!
*little fairy flees towards us*
Shoruke: Well, let's just check out who we're guarding here.



Shoruke: HOT DAMN!
Glycinia: Are you checking me out?
Shoruke: Not your body, just your equipment. Nice stuff!
Glycinia: ...
Aqizzar: Hell with the chatting and the equipment we don't have yet!



Shoruke: Good point. CHARGE!





Aqizzar: F***ing showoff.
Shoruke: Oh hush. You can fly.
Duke: Hey look! LOOT! *takes it, shoots the griffon with shortbow*



Shoruke: The one single good thing about animals. They drop lots of expendables, including stat boosters. Well, time to kill this griffon! Help me out, Strife. *kills griffon*
Inaluct: LOOT! *takes it and shoots a gremlin*



Shoruke: You guys get really excited about loot don't you?

*Finish the rest of the un-noteworthy battle, picking up several Cups of Life and Stones of Swiftness*



Shoruke: Well, you're kinda necessary (to get firecrests)
Glycinia: What was that?
Shoruke: Umm, you're necessary to get Lubina and for storyline purposes, and for backing up the rest of the part with fairy magic and bow attacks?
Glycinia: Okay. Can I join you?
Shoruke: Sure why not we could use more equipment.
Glycinia: What was that?
Shoruke: We could use more allies.

*Glycinia joins*

Shoruke: Strip search time.
Glycinia: say WHAT?!?
Shoruke: MY ice chain now.



Strife: Hey Shoruke, it's kinda hard to tell me, Inaluct, Duke, and Joshua apart isn't it?
Shoruke: Yeah, I suppose, why?
Strife: Shouldn't you try and change SOMEONE'S class?
Shoruke: Fine. You're a beast tamer now.
Strife: WHAT?!?



Shoruke: There. Is that better?
Strife: But beast tamers are weird... And we don't have any beasts...
Shoruke: Yes we do, we have Aqizzar.
Aqizzar: I'm not a beast! I'm a demihuman!
Shoruke: Well let's just see about that.
*Training*
*Aqizzar's Mental Gauge is still at 0*
Shoruke: Huh. Guess he isn't a beast.
Aqizzar: How do you tell?
Shoruke: You see the green zero underneath your picture?



Aqizzar: Yeah...
Shoruke: It can be anything from -2 to +2, and gives you bonuses or penalties respectively. Normally it's 0. It'll change depending on who's near you. For instance, Valkyries raise the mental gauge of all males on their team who are close to them, and anyone close to someone with the Blood Reign emblem gets a penalty on their mental gauge.
Aqizzar: Okay. How do you get Blood Reign?
Shoruke: You kill 25 enemies, no training.
Aqizzar: ...f***
Shoruke: Yeah, it's really annoying unless we do a lot of random encounters. Anyway, I WOULD go recruit another person off the street at the Scabellum grocery store, but honestly we don't have a whole lot of money. So I guess next stop is Formido fortress.

Next up: Formido Fortress, complete with plot device!

[Archangel]

For my name, just ditch the h.

[Aqizzar]

I am not an animal!  I am a human being!  Well, a raptor-human being!

Beast-tamers rock.  Fast, good attacks, bonus with whips, and nice stat growth.  But they're bald and old.

[Okenido]

Name: Okenido
Class: Priest
Gender: Don't bloody care.
Element: Fire.

[Aqizzar]

Can't take Virtue as an element, only earth, fire, air, and water.  You just get to use Virtue spells.

[Vlynndar]

If you need more names:

Name: Vlynndar
Class: Whichever gets me the bowgun.
Gender: Male. Unless female is way more awesome.
Element: Earth sounds good, but if there's a different that helps me better, sure.

[Shoruke]

Whew, plot device battles are so weird.

Spoiler: Game (click to show/hide)

Finally. We're here.



What? That doesn't look like a plot device. Rictor said there would be a plot device waiting, not a knight in shining armor! What the crap is this?!?



Well... it's not a plot device but at least its a plot...



Geez. Eleanor REALLY gets around, doesn't she?



Wow, THREE exclamation points. If it's that important to you, why don't you just ignore "that young lass" for a couple minutes and help fight? Idiot.





Shoruke: YO! Stop running away, ya wuss!
Nichart: Oh shut up. I'm off to get laid.
Shoruke: Fair enough. Carry on.



Shoruke: Oh gripe. Now there's more of them, and they even have spellcasters. Not cool... But we have a full complement of 8 troops! (I even gave Glycinia and Ivanna some equipment, and Ivanna her heal spell back)





Shoruke: Dammit. I'm already sick of these fricking 'kill the leader' story battles. Makes it SO much harder to get loot.
Ivanna: Dude. We're still on like, battle number four. What loot do they have they we could need so badly?
Shoruke: There's spellcasters. They've GOTTA have decent loot. But before we actually join in combat...
Glycinia: I HAZ LOOTZ!



Shoruke: Good job. Magic salve. It might be worth something once we have some spellcasters. Anyway, Aqizzar, your job is to get on top of that wall and stand in the very top-lefternmost corner.
Aqizzar: Why?
Shoruke: There's a fancy sword.
Duke: I like swords.
Inaluct: Welcome to Corneria!
Shoruke: DAMN IT ALL no 8-bit theater references, this is the wrong LP game for that!
Inaluct: Hey! Fourth wall!
Shoruke: Right. CHARGE!
*some charging later*
Aqizzar: I FINDED A HAMMER! I like hammers.
Shoruke: Wow. I like, JUST SAID no 8-bit theater references, but aside from that the odds against you finding a halt hammer as a random treasure have got to be pretty stacked. Good stuff.
*more charging*
Shoruke: Fear my ninja-esque heightened walking speed!



*some time later*



Ivanna: Yeesh, what a messy charge.
Duke: Oh shut up you old bag. We can't all be Shorukian ninjas.
Inaluct: Yeah, it's not like one of us is Konohamaru or something...
Shoruke: Yeah I figured there would be a Naruto reference at some point. Don't do it again.



Ivanna: OGODZWAI I'm just the healer!
Grimal: Exactly!
Ivanna: Well then, taste knightly counterattack!



Grimal: Wow. Just, wow. That sucked!
Ivanna: By GOD these shortswords suck.
Grimal: No, I think it's you...
Shoruke: Oh hell with that, Ivanna has heal, she'll be fine for a while. The rest of you, KILL THE MAGES!
Joshua: I am so totally all over that!



Shoruke: Well you didn't quite kill him but that was still pretty damn good.
Joshua: Thanks.      *There would be a "you young whippersnapper"-ism here as the wizard countered, but I missed the screenshot opportunity*
Inaluct: Allow me.





Joshua: Geez and you're the one with the weapon. I did like, almost twice as much as you!
Inaluct: Yeah but I got the kill. *Sticks out tongue*
Shoruke: Yeah it's weird, it's not about the fighting in this game it's about the kills... even if the finisher is just a stab in the back when someone's sleeping, it still teaches you more than actually going toe-to-toe with them... Anyway I'm going to go beat the stuffing out of their healer now.



Aqizzar: Good shot Shoruke: Now I'll just pop over there and finisher her off with my bow!
Shoruke: NO! NO! GET THE WEAPON!
Aqizzar: Oh right. The buried treasure, which I am somehow able to dig out of a solid stone wall in less than the time it takes to draw and fire a bow.



Aqizzar: This treasure?
Shoruke: No, the OTHER dragon gem sword buried in the top-lefternmost corner.
Aqizzar: I only found this one...
Shoruke: *facepalm*



Joshua: Wow. Anyone from our team with Fist Fight could take her out with one more punch.
Duke: Yeah seriously, that was a pretty wussy spell.
Grimal: I WILL NOT BE IGNORED!



Duke: HAH! Just because your class is superior to mine doesn't mean you'll beat me!



Shoruke: Wow, I'm surprised he actually carried through with that taunt. I figured he'd get poetic justiced and Grimal would block him back.
Inaluct: Time to finish off the healer!



Shoruke: HEY! KS much?
Inaluct: You snooze you lose.
Shoruke: Fine. Treasure's mine then.





Shoruke: I just love when treasure and a shot-to-the-back opportunity come to me at the same time. And lo and behold, it's a cleanse spell. I was right about the casters having good loot. Speaking of which, nobody picked up the wizard's loot yet. Someone get that.
Duke: Dibs.







Duke: DAMN but these shortbows suck. At least I got the spellbook (or at least it's CALLED a spellbook but it's really a scroll...)
Shoruke: What spell is it?
Duke: Crag Crush.
Shoruke: SWEET, MINE! Yay for caster loot!
All: Yay.
Strife: Damn it all! I haven't gotten ANY SPEECH TIME YET! DIE!





Strife: So of course for my combat photo he has me hidden behind Inaluct. Dammit person-playing-his-computer, I hate you.
Fourth Wall: OW OW OW STOP!
Shoruke: Sorry Strife, I apologize. Fourth Wall, you deserve to die for comedic purposes.
Inaluct: Well we've killed off all the (noteworthy) enemies except Grimal...
Random Enemy Archer: HEY!
Inaluct: Like I said, noteworthy, so anyway I'm going to just pick up this here Stone of Swiftness and



Inaluct: Hey cool.
Shoruke: Finally, someone picked up five treasures. Congratulations Inaluct; now if you pick up a randomized treasure, it might suck less.
Inaluct: Cool, is there very much randomized treasure in the game?
Shoruke: Very very little.
Inaluct: Aww...
Shoruke: But it gives you a treasure chest-shaped emblem.



Inaluct: Yay! Shinies! I like shinies.
Duke: I like swords.
Shoruke: Don't-
Aqizzar: Welcome to Corneria!
Shoruke: GOD MOTHERF***ING DAMMIT!
Aqizzar: Heh, sorry. Anyway, time to end this Grimal!!! *notice, three exclamation points*



Shoruke: Huh? Me? What? I didn't even touch you this whole time!
Grimal: Yeah but you're leading.
Shoruke: Oh yeah... Point... Anyway I think I'll go off on my own and look for that plot device.

*non-listed treasures: A Cup of Life, a Healing Leaf, a Crown of Intellect, a Chainmail, and Numida Chronology: A 'quest book'. More on that later*



Shoruke: Gah, there I go again, Captain Obvious during cutscenes... Wait who's that?



Shoruke: Water magic? It's going to take more than one spell to kill me, miss.



Shoruke: Huh? Oh s*** slumber mist, and it's guaranteed to work in a cutscene...



Shoruke: ...KO...
Girl: Heh, gets em every time. Nothing makes men vulnerable to status spells like a gool ol' cutscene.



Shoruke: Oh man. Chains? Cellar? Kinky.



Shoruke: Hey um Nichart, if we're about to do what I think we're about to do, shouldn't the girl be in chains...?
Nichart: ...Torture for information? Why would I put my helper in chains to torture you for information?
Shoruke: ...Oh. Okay I had it backwards. Wait, torture? F***!!!



Shoruke: Using a status spell during a cutscene! You whore!



Shoruke: Umm... what? I just beat the stuffing out of Grimal and, since the rest of my squad wasn't there for the cutscene, I still have posession of this fortress. And you said yourself that Formido was vital to movement in the south, using three exclamation points no less. And you still don't know where the Sacred Spear is.
Nichart: ...What?
Shoruke: Oops. Guess I shouldn't tell you about that.



Nichart: Oh right, I guess we aren't. Guess I better get down to the yaoi rape then.
Shoruke: SAY WHAT?!?



Nichart: *whip*



Nichart: Tell me about that spear!
Shoruke: No!
Young Spellcaster: Commander Briffaut, maybe I should take care of this. After all, I'm the devious one.
Briffaut: Okay, how are YOU going to do it?





Shoruke: Oh... crap... now the forced drugs... aah!



Shoruke: Ohhhh maaaaaan I can't even tell if this is real water or not, thoss wuz sum purty srs drugs... yech. *shakes head*


*You might JUST be able to see her shadow in the doorway*

Shoruke: Okay so why didn't they just stab me after they drugged me? I mean, isn't drowning a little... I dunno... isn't it kinda begging for a plot device?



Shoruke: Hellooooooo sexy dress. I'm listening, and hoping this isn't a drug-induced hallucination or something.



Shoruke: Sounds great. I love sexy plot devices.
Mysterious Woman: What was that?
Shoruke: I, uh, I just LOVE getting rescued?
Mysterious Woman: Alright, whatever floats your boat. Anyway, I'm Cybil. And since I just saved your life, you (and your squad) have to do whatever I tell you to.
Shoruke: Sounds fun.
Cybil: We're going to cross the marsh to the west and jump into the sea, looking for murderous mermaids.
Shoruke: Oooookay, umm, for the sake of my squad, I can understand me personally needing to follow your commands, but you didn't save any of my teammates, so why do THEY need to follow you?
Cybil: You paid them didn't you? And you don't want to have to fight your way across the marsh on your own, do you?
Shoruke: Wait, you aren't going to fight? You don't have a team?
Cybil: Nope.
Shoruke: Wow. Glad I paid them.

*Some time later*

Okay. We're going to need to replace Ivanna and Glycinia because Ivanna sucks and fairies suck worse.

*Hires ArcAngel and Okenido*

And now, for the statuses of everyone important.

Spoiler: Statuses (click to show/hide)

Wait, what the hell? When did I switch from neutral to lawful? I've never seen that before.

Next up: Ardea marsh. Oh boy. Vlynndar, sorry but you'll have to wait until next update because we're like flat out of money.

[Strife26]

"Why the hell am I a beast tammer? Even a beast tanner is better. At least then I can make bags and stuff."


"I wish I had my rifle."

[Duke 2.0]

 Hey, at least you are fulfilling a role. I just like swords.

[Strife26]

"Or even my bayonet."

[Aqizzar]

Strife, just accept that not every game will let you act out your soldiering fantasies.  And I'll say it again, Beast Tamers rock.  Class bonus to whips.

Shoruke, do you have like a guide or something that tells you where all the items are?

[Shoruke]

Oh right! Strife wanted to use a bowgun. I can buy them now (because obviously once you have taken over a fortress the shop inside will let you buy their stuff), so I'll get you one before we set out. I'll probably have to sell some healing leaves, but meh.

As for the beast tamer-ness, they're basically soldiers without a shirt. Sure they get a bonus when they use whips and give +1 to the mental guage of nearby allied beasts, but beasts and whips both suck.


And yes I do have a guide, but I've also played through the game a few times.
http://www.tacticsogre.com/secrets.htm
http://www.tacticsogre.com/treasures.txt

[Strife26]

Strife's fine with any weapon, although he'd probably prefer a sword or a spear around here. Bloguns are just . . . wierd.


And Aqizzar, you have to remember that almost all of the characters I put foward named Strife are supposed to be the same person (he's a poor bastardization of Sora and Kane). It'll really suck if he dies for real though, as I count it as cannon.


If my soldiering fantasies were indulged, I'd be an archer of a mage of some sort, thank you very much.