Shoruke: Okay Inaluct, we're going to work on getting you your knight's certificate.
Inaluct: Sweet! How?
Shoruke: Oh it's real simple. You just attack someone, anyone at all, from the front or the side. Once you've done that 25 times, you get your emblem and then you're allowed to be a knight.
Inaluct: Okay, so should I rush the enemies in the next battle?
Shoruke: Naww. We're going to do training.
*Inaluct beats up everyone except Shoruke in training*
Shoruke: Dammit. Still no certificate? Well you're closer at any rate. Anyway, let's get you another emblem then.
Inaluct: Okay, what emblem?
Shoruke: Miracle.
Inaluct: Sounds great. What's it do, how do I get it?
Shoruke: It improves your critical hit rate, if I recall correctly.
Inaluct: Sounds great. How do I get it?
Shoruke: I beat you to within an inch (well okay 5%) of your life and hope like hell that you block the next shot.
Inaluct: ...lolwut?
*SENSELESS VIOLENCE*
Inaluct: F***ING OW! Kill me, make it end
Shoruke: Nah. Now block!
Inaluct: That was SO not worth it.
Shoruke: Sure it was. I got in some senseless violence, you're closer to your knight's certificate, and you have extra criticals.
Inaluct: Still doesn't feel worth it.
*Over the course of that training session, I recalled that the Fist Fight emblem makes my punch better than a short sword, so I ditched my sword.*
MOAR TRAINING!
Aqizzar: Remind me why I'm here again? Without my weapon?
Inaluct: Yeah me too, I kinda need my sword to deal decent damage.
Shoruke: Inaluct is going to beat on Aqizzar a bit. Once he gets his knight's certificate I'll give both of you your weapons back. In the meantime, Inaluct needs to attack as many times as possible, preferably without killing anyone to avoid wasting time having to redo training.
Aqizzar: I feel so used...
Shoruke: Not yet you don't. Inaluct, have at him.
Inaluct: OKAY!
Inaluct: *thump*
Aqizaar: You little prick!
Shoruke: ...Wow. Good thing they aren't actually trying to kill each other, or this would take forever.
*a few minutes later*
Shoruke: f***ing finally.
Well that's a little better, eh Inaluct? Now pick your equipment back up guys, we're off to... uh...
Shoruke: Vespa. Apparently the fastest way to Formido fortress is across open plains, but NOT while taking a direct route path.
*walks to Vespa*
FIGHT IT OUT!
Shoruke: Alright everyone, my first actual fight where I get to command the whole team... well except Ivanna. Anyway, since I'm in charge, we're going to kill all of them. And since they all run off when the leader dies, and we're not allowed to chase them down and kill them due to diplomatic immunity or some such tripe, we have to kill the leader last. Thankfully she's an archer, and archers SUCK A** in tactics games, so she won't do very much damage while we're busy ignoring her.
Ivanna: Seriously?
Aqizzar: You gotta be s***ting me.
Inaluct: Can't we just take the easy way out and spam the leader?
Joshua: First rape, then death, then extended purgatory, and now this. f*** everything.
Shoruke: Now, now, children, we're in combat.
Aqizzar: I finded a pumpkin! It's glass though so no pie
Shoruke: Yeah but glass pumpkins are better. If we find 5, and trust me we WILL, once we get Deneb on our team we can sell them to the PumpkinHead at the shop in scabellum and then he'll let us buy firecrests. Anyway... DIE PUNK! Shuriken Barrage!
Ivanna: Hey Shoruke! Fighting isn't the answer!
Shoruke: Shut up Ivanna. Seriously the only reason they put the persuasion feature into the game at all is for the Vixen's Whisper and Broken Heart emblems, and to get 2 free angel knights in late game.
Ivanna: You do this way too much don't you.
Shoruke: You have NO IDEA.
*Half a battle later, three enemies are dead and one is severely injured; Joshua and Shoruke using their fists, Inaluct with his longsword, Aqizzar with his francisca, and Ivanna... not doing anything at all for some reason.*
Shoruke: Hey Ivanna?
Ivanna: Sup.
Shoruke: Twice in a row, you've walked up right behind an enemy, forgotten to attack, and faced away from him. You also haven't used heal yet. WHAT THE F*** ARE YOU DOING?!?
Ivanna: Umm... cheering you guys on?
Shoruke: I hate NPCs.
Inaluct: *picks up enemy's death-treasure* Hey guys! I found loot!
Shoruke: Great! What'd you get?
Inaluct: A healing leaf!
Shoruke: ...f*** weak enemies. Only thing they're good for is experience and excessive 'storyline'.
Ivanna: Oh no! Joshua is in trouble (i.e. at 30% health or less)! I should help him! Everyone prepare yourselves for a shocker, I'm going to DO SOMETHING!
Everyone else: *gasp*
Joshua: Gee thanks. That's about as much damage as I just took from that last shot.
Ivanna: I know, I'm awesome huh?!?
Shoruke: Oh gods Ivanna I should seriously just decline when you offer to join us for real after the fight. Joshua, kick that guy's ass before he hits you again.
Joshua: O-KAY!
Joshua: Amazing what you can learn by punching someone once.
Shoruke: Indeed.
Inaluct: So now we just mop up these wussy bow-wielders?
Shoruke: Yup.
Aqizzar: Me first! Me first!
Inaluct: Me next!
...
F***ING BUSH! Fine I'll just use the f***ing shortbow.
Aqizzar: Jeez I did more than three times as much damage as you.
Inaluct: Ya well I can't fly. But I'm gonna be a dragoon someday and kick your ass, just you watch.
*believe it or not, sword emblem isn't an emblem; it's an expendable item that increase STR*
Inaluct: Hey wow. A decent item.
Shoruke: Very nice.
Aqizzar: Hah! Check my movement range out, I can fly right over people!
Shoruke: We've realized by now Aqizzar. You can shut up about it now.
Inaluct: Hey Joshua, we don't really have any chance of catching up to Shoruke and Aqizzar in time to do any damage to that archer, so...
Joshua: Agreed. We'll just pick up loot to get closer to the Embodiment of Desires emblem.
*Cup of Life: think sword emblem, but max hp instead of strength*
Inaluct: Hah! My Cup of Life beats your healing leaf any day!
Joshua: Yeah yeah bugger off...
Shoruke: I am getting sick and tired of this bickering! Time for the finisher!
Cassandra: *bleh*
Shoruke: Yay for auto-loot-pickup!
*Crown of Intellect: think cup of life, but for intelligence*
*Greatbow: 2-handed bow, almost does as much damage as a shortsword*
*Stone of Swiftness: think cup of life, but agility*
Later that night...
Shoruke: You know, I really don't care about your homonal cycles. You can tag along if you'll shut up though.
Ivanna: But it's about the White Fang troops of Ranaculus!
Shoruke: Regardless, shut up. The next red place on the map is Formido, and we're going there, and after we win another red symbol will show up. And that's how we get through the game, just follow the red symbols.
Ivanna: Aww. Can I come along then?
Shoruke: Sure. But just because we have two tents and you're the only woman in the group doesn't mean you get your own tent. Fair warning. And you can only tag along for storyline purposes.
Ivanna: Jeez. I'm seriously considering taking back my offer. Oh hell, sure I'll join.
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Topic: Let's Play: Tactics Ogre (Knight of Lodis) (Read 41696 times)