Yay! Filler!
Yay! Senseless Violence for the American-style purpose of taking over other countries through conquest, letting them say they're still their own country, and extorting the sh** out of them for our own gain!
Okay long story short.
-Lodis (that's the country I came from) takes over Ovis (an island...continent... thing) through conquest
-Now Lodis and Ovis are "allies"
-Lotsa dead people though cuz, you know, conquest. Yeah.
-"But compared to the rest of the era, it was a time of peace..." I don't get this line. If it means what I think it means, it's wrong. Seriously. Know why? CUZ THERE'S A GAME OF THIS, BUT NOT THE REST OF THE ERA. And this game is all about war and conflict and killing people (and mermaids).
*boat is next to a bunch of rocks* *oh by the way I'm at Ovis now*
Me: The storm sucks.
Rictor: Yup.
Some Random Soldier: We're under attack!
Me and Rictor: WTF?!?
*Bad Guy's name is Stan. How the hell we know that without him announcing himself, especially with the quote "We don't know who they are or what they want!", is beyond me*
Stan: We were told to give a "warm welcome" to the people from Lodis.
Rictor: Well you're not doing a very good job. It's raining, there's no carpet, no food, no drinks, I'M GOING TO GET WET!
Stan: Umm no you're not. Nobody ever gets wet in this game, and they never get into water above their waistline either.
Rictor: ...Oh. Still there's no food.
Me: Can we kick his ass?
Rictor: Sure sounds fun.
*FIGHT*
Rictor: Don't worry about all of them, the battle's over when we kill Stan, no matter how badly we're losing before that. So we just need to focus on him.
Me: But since every enemy who dies in this game leaves treasure, and all the enemies who don't get killed never drop their treasure, shouldn't we leave Stan 'till last so we get as much loot as possible?
Rictor: ...Goddammit I am NOT letting you do this the hard way. I would have let you handle the tactics for this fight, but now I won't.
Me: Well f***.
Stan: ARE YOU IDIOTS COMING OR WHAT?!?
*some fighting*
Random Soldier: BY THE WAY! DON'T RUSH THEM ALONE! *rushes in, alone, and gets counterattacked*
Me: You're an idiot.
Rictor: Don't worry about it. It's still the tutorial, I can heal faster than all of the enemies combined can dish damage out.
Me: Dude. Fourth wall.
Rictor: What?
*more fighting*
*Stan walks up next to Rictor*
*Stan smashes Rictor with a battleaxe and Rictor blocks it with a rapier*
*Rictor counters*
*Stan dies*
Stan: Dammit! I failed!
Me: Yeah no doubt. You just got owned by a priest. With the world's thinnest weapon.
Stan: Oh shut up. *bleh*
Random Enemies 1, 2, & 4 (3 got killed): Oh s***! We're all still pretty much fine, but Stan's dead so we better run!
Rictor: Sure, go ahead.
RE124: Really? You aren't going to kill the rest of us?
Rictor: Nope.
Me: YOU'RE ALL IDIOTS!
Rictor: Well no s***.
Me: Sorry. I get all captain-obvious on people during cutscenes.
Rictor: NOW who's breaking fourth wall?
Me: Ah. Touche.
Bad Guy who looks a lot like Stan and managed to sneak onto our ship which has only one gangplank leading to it which we were right next to the whole time: DIE MOTHAF***A!
Me: Oh snap! It's an enemy who managed to sneak onto our ship which we were guarding who won't do anything until I stop talking and he's pointing one tile left of Rictor but with the obvious intention of shooting right at him and with this game's mechanics he'll actually probably land the shot! I must save my friend even though by the end of the game he turns into an evil fiend hell-bent on, well, hell! *shoves Rictor aside and gets shot*
Rictor: GOD DAMMIT! YOU PUNK-A** SON OF A B**** GET READY TO TASTE STEEL!
Random Soldier (on our team): *sneak* *sneak* *stab*
Stan-lookalike: Well f***.
Rictor: Why the hell didn't you do that like, even five f***ing seconds earlier?!? F***!
Rictor (cont'd): Shoruke? Shooooruke?!? Even though you just got shot into three feet of water the only thing I'm going to do is stand here and shout for you to come back!
Me: glub glub f*** glub I'm behind you *gets washed away* F*** MY LIFE
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Topic: Let's Play: Tactics Ogre (Knight of Lodis) (Read 41677 times)