Print

Please login or register.
1 Hour 1 Day 1 Week 1 Month Forever
Login with username, password and session length

[Dude_Jebawe]

Lo! For I have travelled far to unveil the darkest secret of Dwarven cuisine! Gaze ye upon my work, lest ye shall never know truth! Taste ye upon thine wonder contained within, and stare aghast at thine own frolicking image, as thou gaze into thine mirror!

Then, as thou mind adjusts, contribute thine recipes, that we shall never hunger.

Thine recipes be as follows:

Dwarven cat Biscuits:

Ingredients:
1 cat.
1 ol' bucket o' water.

Och, first ye separate tha bones an' tha meats, lad, an' throw tha rest away. Be sure ta give tha skin to tha tanner! Grind tha bones into dust, an' hack tha meat into pulp. Mix tha bone dust with tha water and stir. When tha mixture be white an' sticky, ye add tha meats into tha mix, and finally put slabs o' dough in tha oven. Bake until tha biscuits smoke.

[BigFatDwarf]

Nice way to deal with the general catsplosion. I just throw them into my sacrificial pit devoted to Armok anyways.

[ArkDelgato]

Dwarven Wine Biscuts
Ingredients
---
2 mugs of Dwarven Wine

First ye pour the first of yer wine into the empty plump-helmet cap
Then ye beat the wine with a freshly chopped muskox leg (but any large mammal should do)
Let it sit a room temperature for one moon-rise and top with the rest o' yer wine.
Drink Eat when ready.

[corvvs]

My first thought on seeing the thread title was:

"Smash the dishes and crack the plates! That's what Bilbo Baggins hates!"

[Dame de la Licorne]

My first thought on seeing the thread title was:

"Smash the dishes and crack the plates! That's what Bilbo Baggins hates!"

   I second that.

[Yanlin]

Dwarven Roast
Ingredients
---
Barrel of booze

Put booze on plate after cooking on a heated pan. Serve cold. Make sure to serve a large helping.

[BigFatDwarf]

Adamantine Cake
----------------
Ingredients:
one Adamantine wafer
five Giant Cave Spider eggs
bag of Cave Wheat flour
----------------

Superheat the Adamantine until it boils and mix the cake base with flour and eggs. Pour the cake base and Adamantine together. Voila, enjoy!
The author is not in any way responsible for what happens and thus cannot be legally charged in case the user experiences any negative, possible fatal side effects.

[Neruz]

Adamantine Cake
----------------
Ingredients:
one Adamantine wafer
five Giant Cave Spider eggs
bag of Cave Wheat flour
----------------

Superheat the Adamantine until it boils and mix the cake base with flour and eggs. Pour the cake base and Adamantine together. Voila, enjoy!
The author is not in any way responsible for what happens and thus cannot be legally charged in case the user experiences any negative, possible fatal side effects.

Wolverinedwarfs, just what we need.

[Angellus]

Self Heating Flan-flambé

----------------

Ingredients:

- One Fire Imp

----------------

*yuldebuldedoo, yulyul debuldedoo, yulyul yul yulyul yul yulyul bork brok!*

Mashée die Fira Impée with the plump helmetée.
Usée die fattée vom die Fira Impée around die Flanée.
Bork bork!

[Kohou]

Dwarven Cheese Stew
-------------------
Ingredients
1 Dwarf
-------------------
A'right.  First, take yer dwarf.  Hang 'im upside down.
Now, yer gonna milk yer dwarf.  This can be the tricky part.  Yer gonna wanna make sure th' buckit doesn' get caught in the beard.
Once ya have a full buckit (FULL buckit!  Take that one back and do it again.) ya let it sit for 3 weeks.
Now, smash the leftovers into a pan.  With a good solid smashing motion.  If ya don' smash it solid now, it ain't gonna work right.  None o' this squashing or thudding, got it?
Take the pan, cook it.
Eat.

And don' forget to let the dwarf down after yer done milking

[corvvs]

Dwarven Cheese Stew
-------------------
Ingredients
1 Dwarf
-------------------
A'right.  First, take yer dwarf.  Hang 'im upside down.
Now, yer gonna milk yer dwarf.  This can be the tricky part.  Yer gonna wanna make sure th' buckit doesn' get caught in the beard.
Once ya have a full buckit (FULL buckit!  Take that one back and do it again.) ya let it sit for 3 weeks.
Now, smash the leftovers into a pan.  With a good solid smashing motion.  If ya don' smash it solid now, it ain't gonna work right.  None o' this squashing or thudding, got it?
Take the pan, cook it.
Eat.

And don' forget to let the dwarf down after yer done milking

Isn't dwarven cheese actually rotting crushed purring maggots?

[Angellus]

Dwarven Cheese Stew
-------------------
Ingredients
1 Dwarf
-------------------
A'right.  First, take yer dwarf.  Hang 'im upside down.
Now, yer gonna milk yer dwarf.  This can be the tricky part.  Yer gonna wanna make sure th' buckit doesn' get caught in the beard.
Once ya have a full buckit (FULL buckit!  Take that one back and do it again.) ya let it sit for 3 weeks.
Now, smash the leftovers into a pan.  With a good solid smashing motion.  If ya don' smash it solid now, it ain't gonna work right.  None o' this squashing or thudding, got it?
Take the pan, cook it.
Eat.

And don' forget to let the dwarf down after yer done milking

Dude, did you do that on purpose or am I the only one who thinks that's rather... gross?

[Jim Groovester]

Dwarven Cookies

One (1) Bag of Dwarven Flour
One (1) Bag of Dwarven Sugar
Three (3) Cave Swallowman Eggs
One (1) Tablemug Purring Maggot Extract

Step One (1): Preheat Magma Ovens to on.
Step Two (2): Find empty barrel. If it recently contained an alcoholic beverage, it can add a nice flavor to the cookies. River Spirits is a particular favorite of mine.
Step Three (3): Add Dwarven Flour and Dwarven Sugar into barrel. Mix well. Step inside the barrel if necessary.
Step Four (4): Crack open Cave Swallowman Eggs into barrel. Be sure to remove the hatchlings before cooking.
Step Five (5): Slowly add Purring Maggot Extract. Stir all ingredients until well mixed.
Step Six (6): Find a metal bin cover, preferably iron or steel. Place chunks of Dwarven Cookie Dough onto bin cover, two tenths of a beardlength apart.
Step Six (7): Cook Cookies in Magma Ovens for fifteen seconds or until golden brown. Wait days for cooling. Enjoy!

Makes approximately ten to twelve bootsized cookies.

[Kohou]

Dwarven Cheese Stew
-------------------
Ingredients
1 Dwarf
-------------------
A'right.  First, take yer dwarf.  Hang 'im upside down.
Now, yer gonna milk yer dwarf.  This can be the tricky part.  Yer gonna wanna make sure th' buckit doesn' get caught in the beard.
Once ya have a full buckit (FULL buckit!  Take that one back and do it again.) ya let it sit for 3 weeks.
Now, smash the leftovers into a pan.  With a good solid smashing motion.  If ya don' smash it solid now, it ain't gonna work right.  None o' this squashing or thudding, got it?
Take the pan, cook it.
Eat.

And don' forget to let the dwarf down after yer done milking

Dude, did you do that on purpose or am I the only one who thinks that's rather... gross?

There's a quote on the wiki that says: "If cow cheese comes from cow's milk, then what does dwarf cheese come from?"
Personally, I thought it somewhat gross, too.  But it's still better than milking maggots, isn't it?

[Angellus]

Dwarven Cheese Stew
-------------------
Ingredients
1 Dwarf
-------------------
A'right.  First, take yer dwarf.  Hang 'im upside down.
Now, yer gonna milk yer dwarf.  This can be the tricky part.  Yer gonna wanna make sure th' buckit doesn' get caught in the beard.
Once ya have a full buckit (FULL buckit!  Take that one back and do it again.) ya let it sit for 3 weeks.
Now, smash the leftovers into a pan.  With a good solid smashing motion.  If ya don' smash it solid now, it ain't gonna work right.  None o' this squashing or thudding, got it?
Take the pan, cook it.
Eat.

And don' forget to let the dwarf down after yer done milking

Dude, did you do that on purpose or am I the only one who thinks that's rather... gross?

There's a quote on the wiki that says: "If cow cheese comes from cow's milk, then what does dwarf cheese come from?"
Personally, I thought it somewhat gross, too.  But it's still better than milking maggots, isn't it?

Actually I prefer maggots over the dwarves XD