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[cowofdoom78963]

What do you think I'm gonna do?  Throw every last man, woman, and child into a big fire to melt the precious, precious gold from their bones.  I'm pretty sure that's where they keep their gold.

I believe there are trace amounts of gold in the teeth.

[Aqizzar]

Not many names or suggestions, but hey I'm on a roll.  A melodious, bloody roll.

Spoiler: Come get some. (click to show/hide)

White man came
   Across the sea.
He brought us pain
   And misery.
He killed our tribe
   He killed our creed
He took our game
   For his own need



We fought him hard
   We fought him well
Out on the plains
   We gave him hell
But many came
   Too much for we
Oh will we ever
   Be set free



Running through dust clouds and barren wastes
   Galloping hard on the plains
Chasing the redskins back to their homes
   Fighting them at their own game
Murder for freedom and stab in the back
   Women and children the cowards attack



Run to the hills!
   Run for your lives!
Run to the hills!
   Run for your lives!



Hernan Cortres comes through at last.  Free transport, sans tax.  Pity it's only 300 pesos.

I need guns.  Lots of guns.  So the armory at Boatmurdered has been upgraded to a Magazine.

For all my groaning about it in the OP, I raze three Apache camps in as many turns.  I've got speed, firepower, and numbers.  Unfortunately, the Apaches are nomads (by name at least) so they don't really have any treasure.  Not that I'm sniffing at 400 pesos a village.



Oh son of a bitch.  I finally start churning out guns, and the iron's gone.  I was about to show you guys what a model of labor efficiency it was too.



Oh son of a bitch.  I finally start churning out cash, and the silver's gone.  I was abo-

WHAT THE FUCK

Both the mineral patch and the silver vein were exhausted on the same turn.  RAAAGGGE



Damn Dutch have started nosing around my business.  I might have to kick their asses again soon.



For shits and giggles, I tried demanding tribute at the capitol hut.  After burning another village.

Bay 12 now has a drydock, so I don't have to worry as much about my Privateers getting damaged.



Screw gloating, I went ahead and did it.  1200 pesos.  Time to buy a frigate, before the AI does.



Well whaddaya know.  Boy will they be mad when I build a couple more towns around them.



I'm bored and bloodthirsty so I'm picking fights with the Dutch.  They won't bite yet.



Which of you can tell me why this picture is scary?  Good thing I'm never going there.



CHA-CHING!  When the load of horses I nabbed from the British arrives, I'll

So I tried to count up how many Dragoons I had, when the program froze again.  My last save was right before my successful attack on the French ship.  I tried to repeat it 8 12 25 40 fucking times, and every time my Privateer was damaged.  I give the fuck up.  I'll get them next turn, but like hell will I give the RNG the pleasure of damaging my ship.

Next turn I steal them just fine, and immediately save.  As a bonus, I even sunk the ship.



That's five Dragoons, two Cannons, and a Frigate.  Let's see what happens when I demand tribute.



I wanted him to declare war, but screw it.  I'm just gonna attack.  CANNONS MAKE READY!



Beat the broke bastards without a scratch, though I lost some horses fighting their roving units.



Name open to suggestion.  Weirdly, a Veteran was doing menial work in town, despite an abundance of horses and guns.  I've pressed everybody back into service as Dragoons under the Spanish flag.

The Dutch sue for peace later that same turn, but I don't care.  I'm kicking ass while I can.



Me robbing a Galleon.  Oh why must I choose?  Took guns and tools, because I always need more.



Twas in the year two thousand eight
   Yo ho, me boys, ya har!
We did hoist the Jolly Roger
   And set sail from Somali-ar!
Landlubbers everywhere were sure
   Amazed at what we did!
We nicked a super-tanker and asked
   For twenty five million quid!

So load up your Kalashnikovs
   Yo ho, me boys, ya har!
We're the pirates of the sea to the north-
   -East of Africar!



I'm the awesomest commander ever.  The Dutch sue for peace again when I hunt down their Dragoons.  I accept, because I already have all their shit.

It's only been a dozen turns, but it's taken me hours (I was watching Gangs of New York over my shoulder).  I was desperately defending four cites with three horsemen and a cannon from two nations and a whole tribe.  Now I've slaughtered half the Apache nation and conquered all of New Netherlands I could find.  A good day.  Maybe the French next...

Alright folks, I've got two Dutch cities to rename, a dozen bored Dragoons to employ, and a continent to settle.  What's next?

[WorkerDrone]

After Chincinnati, I'm all out of good ideas for names.

But as to what you should do with those 12 Dragoons...

LOOT, PILLAGE, PLUNDER, KILL, MAIM, DESTROY THE APACHES! This game isn't anywhere near complete until you do.

Well that and defeating the Aztecs.

[Gunner-Chan]

Uristville? McDwarfs? Something like that?

[WorkerDrone]

Oh, and don't think I didn't notice either.

Was that a bit of Iron Maiden I spied there?

[Archangel]

I'm pretty sure it was.

EDIT: Suggestion for a city name: Insanity.

[Creamcorn]

I would suggest something Urist related but besides that, you're pretty much at this point unstopbable. Now the only way for you to have any fun at this LP at this point is to create it, right?

[andrea]

there is still the last war, the war for freedom. and that won't be easy.

[mainiac]

Name the town wilmington.  delmarva demands it!

[Servant Corps]

there is still the last war, the war for freedom. and that won't be easy.

There is also the Second-To-Last War: Convicing your fellow population that it's a great idea to leave the King and get slaughtered by his Minions!

How can we do that though? We have the most Rebels, but also the most Tories.

[Duke 2.0]

 I would suggest Nist Akath, but that name is reserved for the doomed town in the middle of Aztec territory.

 Catfortress?
 Towerrapes?
 Mountainbanners?

[andrea]

if civ IV colonization is similar enough, we need more bells.

[Servant Corps]

Come to think of it, can the other Colonies leave the Great Powers too? Say, can the Dutch colonies leave the Netherlands and form their own empire? If so, maybe the Dutch can form their own empire and win the indepedence war, we can then seecede and ally with the Dutch to destroy the King.

[Lear]

Come to think of it, can the other Colonies leave the Great Powers too? Say, can the Dutch colonies leave the Netherlands and form their own empire? If so, maybe the Dutch can form their own empire and win the indepedence war, we can then seecede and ally with the Dutch to destroy the King.

Unfortunately, the AI does not have to fight a war for independence. They must merely get a certain population percentage to support independence and their mother country grants it..

[cowofdoom78963]

Come to think of it, can the other Colonies leave the Great Powers too? Say, can the Dutch colonies leave the Netherlands and form their own empire? If so, maybe the Dutch can form their own empire and win the indepedence war, we can then seecede and ally with the Dutch to destroy the King.

Unfortunately, the AI does not have to fight a war for independence. They must merely get a certain population percentage to support independence and their mother country grants it..

A small price to pay for having a soul