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Nothing.

At all.

Seriously.

[WorkerDrone]

Journal entry of Olon “Workerdrone” Uzindurpul Cek Shoneth; The Hound of Hell

I've been stuck marching with this band of incompetent idiots. Me and my Troop should be out fighting! This is a war, not some little tour out into the countryside!

I've heard rumors of hiding away and just hoping that survivors drift in. We'll see about that. My men are mine only, loyal to me, not this prim and proper Barbarossa, or his dog Kogan. And that annoying old fool is getting on my nerves to the point where I want to crack his skull open with my axes.

I can lead them to where I please, and where I please now happens to be forth into battle. I will not waste my talents dicking around in some gods forsaken hole. Armok must be appeased with the blood of our foes.

I've thought of a coup, but it doesn't seem right to me. If these weaklings don't want to fight, than they don't have to. But I'm going to confront that Captain Barbarossa about this. And remind him who The Hound of Hell is.

[Jackrabbit]

Not you, I feel obliged to point out. That's the 2nds nickname.

[WorkerDrone]

I feel obliged to tell you, fuck yeah that's me.



Cek Shoneth. The Hound of Hell.

[Katsuun]

Another question, how exactly did you turn drawings in ASCIIPaint to files that could be uploaded to this site?

[Jackrabbit]

Ha, WD, that's awesome.

To upload I just alt-printscreened it into paint and uploaded from there.

[WorkerDrone]

Alt-Print Screen
MSPaint
Ctrl-V
Ctrl-S

Imageshack, browse, upload.

And me and him use AsciiDraw.

THE MIGHTIEST ARTISTRY TOOL.

[Jackrabbit]

And every day I thank you, the all powerful God who showed me asciidraw.

Oh wait. That's your line.

[GruffyBears]

And every day I thank you, the all powerful God who showed me asciidraw.

Oh wait. That's your line.

My line too.

[GruffyBears]

Walter's journal,

While marching today, something caught my eye from inside a knoll in an oak. I reached in, and felt something smooth and cold. I pulled out a small bronze dagger, a ponaird I think. After asking around, it seems no-one owns it. Why did I ask? Considering all where it was, it was unlikely anyone dropped it. Regardless, now I have a knife. I've started whittling a block of wood, but frankly, I have no clue what it'll be. The men are moaning, and rumors of rebellion and coup are passing around. All I know is, I'll stick by Kogan and Barbarossa, they allowed me to join this group and they're good men. Whatever they're doing, it's for the best.

[TheNewerMartianEmperor]

A Complete and Proper History of The World and The Long and Mildly Interesting Tale of A Dwarf Who Dwell Within.
Written by Oldbeard the OldMountains of Arthritis
Edited and Abridged by Oldbeard the OldMountains of Arthritis the younger, the 28th.
Part 2: of  the ancient goblins and the civilization thereof

Now, you young'ns might think you know every durn thing there is to know about the green-skinned runts you have the audacity to call goblins, but the fact is YOU DON'T! I was around back in the time when they were a halfway respectable so-and-so, and let me tell you; they were much better then they are now.

(Here is an exceptional copied engraving of a group of dwarfs and a group of goblins. The two groups are greeting each other amiably, Oldbeard is recognizable among the dwarfs. The goblins appear to be dressed in colorful, multi-layered outfits and look like a rather peaceable group.)

As you can see, the goblins used to be the kind of people who you could trust and trade things with. This was before the god wars o'course, back when the only dangers worth mentioning were the elephants, the dragons, the unicorns, the elephants, the monkeys, the giants, the elephants, other dwarfs, fire, magma, magma men, fire imps and of course, the elephants.

Back then the goblins didn't live in those fancy-schmancy obsidian towers they live in now, instead, they lived in big, big castles of heavy rock, which is superior by far!  We didn't have many conflicts with them; in fact, they were our greatest allies! I knew a great many of them that are probably still around today, somewhere. In fact, I was part of the first group to make contact with them, which is depicted in an inferior style by one of you youngsters so-called "artists" above.

Of course, this didn't last forever (much like your inferior style trade goods, in my eyes a proper dwarf's toy should be able to survive a mountain dropping on it!) and the goblins became as they are today, a story which I'll get around to when I'm good and ready!

The goblins back then were peaceful (but not too peaceful), industrious, (best castles I ever did see) and they were reclusive, much like I wish they would be now. You seldom saw a goblin come down from the peaks of night in those days, and the ones you did see were most likely traders or young fools off to see the world.
 
So that brings me to their contact with the outside world. At the time the only people worth talking to were us dwarfs, as the elves were too caught up with their glorified gardening, men had just gained the knowing of copper and as for Kobolds; I don't think I have to explain that at all. So there was them, and there was us, and we both grew mighty......

[CJ1145]

Kogan's journal

WorkerDrone forgets his place. The glorified Ogre thinks that just because he's split a few goblin skulls, he's earned the title "The Hound of Hell." Bah! The name Urist McFodder carries more name in this day and age! I'd give him, say, 60 years on this plane, tops? That's a fraction my age, maybe. I lost count around the time we received news of Ironblood killing a hydra with his bare hands! Hell, even the elfs of old had more guts-to-gut (you'd think we'd lose these beer bellies with all the fightin' we do) ratio than he does:

"After our little rendevous with reinforcements, we were forced to leave the poor town of Shatterflowers to burn in the cursed elf fire. (I wonder if they summoned THAT from their trees, too!) But regardless, we pressed on. I had heard stories of a kobold cave not far from here. One of the bowmen we recruited claims to know koboldian, though I can't quite tell how, as the language itself seems to vary from individual to individual, let alone the different cities.

On the way there, we passed through a savanna.  As we trekked onwards, we came across a disturbing sight: a dozen giant lions layed dead on the path, with their killers nowhere to be seen. A' course, we brought a former ranger for a reason.
'Elephants!' He shouted, and we all scattered. A damned herd of the Armok-damned things drove right through us. I leaped aside, far as these stubby legs can carry me...*The journal devolves into several pages of grumbling about how elfs were given long legs, but can't properly use them to get digging finished faster)... but I digress. That there elf, though, he was one of a kind. Armok smiled on that sumbitch today, 'cause he jumped right on that elephant matry... matrie... leader lady's face and put two arrers right through her skull. Brought the old bitch down, and sent the others fleeing.

Only time I'll ever see a sharpened pole be as effective as a steel rod."

[Jackrabbit]

Wow, there may be more reader made stories on here than actual stories.

[WorkerDrone]

Oh how I do love conflict.

[Heron TSG]

Barbarossa's Log - Stardate whenever o' clock

    - The puppy of heck has been very annoying recently.

Recently I found a giant stone door at the end of a low tunnel heading into the hillside.

It was made of COBALT! COBALT! Do you know what this means, pathetic rock tablet that I'm scratching right now? This is one o' them fancy 'radiation vaults'! Ancient dwarves built these, and they're full of supplies and (hopefully) dwarves are still in there!

That, or it's some kobold's lair.

[WorkerDrone]

I'm fucking coated in gold.

I wield TWO FUCKING BATTLE AXES.

I nuked 500 damn goblins.

Your insults are INVALID.