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Nothing.

At all.

Seriously.

[Jackrabbit]

Smallish update for choo

The tent of General Cog, 10 miles behind the official frontlines

The general dumped the orders onto his table, in front of Barbarossa.
“These are your orders captain” said the general. Sitting down, he gestured at the words.
“That goblin you captured proved invaluable. We have learned the goblins have heavily fortified the northern pass”
“Through the mountains, sir?”
“That is correct. Obviously, for dwarves, this is not a problem, but digging through the mountain will take the better part of a year. Meanwhile, we have business to attend to. You are aware of the attacks on several human towns to the north, not far from here?”
“Yes sir” replied Barbarossa. That was a sour topic among the troops. The goblins had the audacity to attack and kill dwarves! It was the first casualties of the war and had had the effect of unnerving the soldiers. Not as much as it pissed them off, however. “I heard that the 10th royal swords and the 31st lancers were the worst hit”
“Yes, most of the men were delegated different squads. Pretty much all of the royal swords were reinforced and formed into a new squad” explained Cog
“Which?” asked Barbarossa
“11th royal swords”
“Oh” Barbarossa smiled. The army’s originality was inspiring.
“Which is what you will be commanding, captain” continued Cog
“What?” said Barbarossa, nonplussed. He’d never commanded more than a 6 man squad, and that was for an exercise.
“It’s in the orders. The king wants to send a message to the goblins, retribution for the attacks on the humans. We have located an outpost, about 10 or so miles from the northern passes. We need you to collapse it.”
“Collapse it?” asked Barbarossa “how big is the outpost?”
“Not too big. The king has allotted you several men to do the job”
Barbarossa scanned the orders, checking the list.
“5 miners”
He paused and checked again
“And one soapmaker?” he looked at the General, who was uncharacteristically red faced.
“Er… yes… We believe that it was a clerical error” he said
“Well I can’t just take an untrained civilian into a combat zone!”
“I’m afraid you have to” said Cog apologetically “it’s set in stone”
Barbarossa picked up the orders, carved into the slab of rock
“Yes. I always thought that was one of the stupidest of our traditions. Why can’t we just use paper?”
“Because we are dwarves, captain” responded Cog “and we will not stoop so low”
Barbarossa saluted. Cog saluted back and Barbarossa left the tent, muttering to himself
“bloody soapmaker bloody stone, I’d like to take that stone and shove it up his royal arse"
He walked into the camp, to make preparations.


This attack will consist of 8 sworddwarves, 6 marksdwarves, 5 miners and a soapmaker. If you want a dwarf nows the time

[TheNewerMartianEmperor]

Is Oldbeard and his repeating crossbow of extreme indifferencetm going?

[Jackrabbit]

Slowly, but yes

[MrGimp]

hahaha!  This is awesome dude!  I love the Kings throne room on the first page with the carp aquarium behind him.

[Vilien]

This is an excellent story, and the writing style is really good. Also, lots of pictures = awesome. If you could fit me in anywhere, I would be really happy. Maybe even happy enough to give you a cookie.

[Jackrabbit]

Oh! Cookie!

Name/occupation?

hahaha!  This is awesome dude!  I love the Kings throne room on the first page with the carp aquarium behind him.

Oh awesome, I got praise from MrGimp!  If anyone, using DF, devised the prisoner termination scheme I set up and posted pictures (It doesn't have to be carp, any dangerous water dwelling creature will do) I'll be really grateful

[TheNewerMartianEmperor]

Meanwhile Oldbeard was proving somewhat problematic for the scout force. He was slowing them down by an immense amount with his many, many stories coupled with his unwillingness to move until they were finished. They tried sending him on scouting duties, but he always ended up asleep in a tree. Eventually they resorted to taking his glasses and carrying him on a mule, which he would tell stories to non-stop.

[Jackrabbit]

You'd be supriesed at how close that is to the truth

[TheNewerMartianEmperor]

So, what really happened?

[Jackrabbit]

Update momentarily. I went over my download limit and imageshack updates stupidly slowly. So, it's not the whole thing, more of a prequel to the battle. If anyone wants a dwarf (soapmaker is up for grabs) nows the time 

[Jackrabbit]

Goblin outpost

Barbarossa held up his hand, clenched into a fist. His men stopped, Oldbeard grumbling about the march, his bow, the lack of respect people had for him and the surrounding vegetation, which was too green. Barbarossa had told him to shut up, but all that it did was cause him to start mumbling about kids these days. The captain decided not to bother. He ordered his pathfinder, another bloody elf, forward. They moved forward a couple dozen yards, slowly, and peered out from behind a tree. The outpost, he had learned, contained food to supply a battalion sized force of goblins and made an excellent staging point for any raids. Not more much longer, if all went well.
“There’s no cover” murmured Barbarossa, looking out at the outpost “there’s not a shred of cover, goblins have clear cut the land” It was true. The land for about 10 to 20 meters around the goblin outpost was burned clean and stamped into a flat, rocky clearing, providing no cover for anyone who tried to rush the place. The elf next to him was seething with rage.
“These… these savages! ” he hissed “They dare, they dare to cause such an affront to nature! How could they? They will rot in hell, fire will coarse through their veins, their very bones-”
“Oh shut up” grumbled Barbarossa, who was worried about the planned assault “they’ll all be dead within about an hour, if all goes as planned”
“Nature will see that it does” replied the elf stoutly which, in Barbarossa’s opinion, was never a word that should be applied to something as poncy as an elf. He pointed at the building.
“See that?” he asked
“That affront to nature itself, yes” replied the elf. Barbarossa sighed. Honestly, just because it was made out of wood… but he wasn’t prepared to argue the point.
“Yes, that. What do you see on the roof? You have better eyes than mine, elf”
The elf motioned at some of the vague figures on the roof.
“The barbarians have posted sentries, armed with goblin made crossbows. I counted three, but there may be more”
“Thank you” said Barbarossa, mentally kicking himself for saying it. He motioned for the elf to move back, formulating a plan.



“Alright men, you need to listen up. We have 5 hostiles, all goblins, wielding axes. The crossbowdwarves will prioritise on taking them out but I don’t expect you to be perfect. Swordsmen will have to take out any wounded goblins but move fast. There is an unspecified amount of snipers on the roof and they have the advantage of fortifications. Under no circumstances are you to fire on them, is that understood?” there was a chorus of yes sir’s.
“Good. Oldbeard, do you think you can make it that distance, that fast?” asked Barbarossa
“Young whippersnapper, thinks I can’t run fast in my day we ran 40 miles without stopping, whilst being chased by giant skeletal eagles, don’t tell me how fast…”
“Um…. I’ll take that as a yes. Okay, miners, you guys stay back and wait for the all clear or the run signal, okay? And, uh...” Barbarossa sighed, looking at the soapmaker “you just stay behind that tree and run if something that isn’t a dwarf shows up with something sharp, okay?” The dwarf was shaking but looked excited
“Sir! I want to come with you sir!” he said loudly, prompting a chorus of shushes from the assembled squad. He was armed with a low quality sword and shield because Barbarossa reasoned that if he was captured or killed, the kingdom hadn’t lost anything valuable. What the hell kind of dwarf used soap anyway?
“No. I can’t risk you, you’re a liability” The man looked disheartened, but was dwarf enough to salute, clumsily.
“Okay, now, do the assault teams know there roles? Squad leaders?”
“Yes sir!” replied Bardbeard and the other leader, both captains of their respective 4 man squads. Bardbeard was ecstatic. Finally he would be able to take revenge on the animals that had killed his friend, and the minions of the beasts who took his father.
“You know the signal? Good. Move out” commanded Barbarossa. The men turned and silently, with the exception of Oldbeard, who was still grumbling quietly, moved off, the soapmaker watching in obvious envy.

[TheNewerMartianEmperor]

*grumble* "Kids these days, never any respect for their elders. When I was a lad if we made smartmouth comments to anyone older then us we'd get a hammering we would! Also, this vegetation is too green! Vegetation back in the good old days was a proper and dwarf shade of brown!"

[Vilien]

Name: Vilien
Profession: Being a rude dude.

[Creamcorn]

Goblin outpost

So sorry to point this out but trees appear as green blocks when seen from one Z level up.

[Jackrabbit]

Yeah, I know. It's supposed to be 2 levels up and I thought the light blue emptyness seemed out of place. Also I'm too lazy to draw all the blocks