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Nothing.

At all.

Seriously.

[MrGimp]

Haha, thats cool, a journey to a 200 year old fortress to find your fortune taken by goblins!!!  Oh....yeah and you find your sister dead and mutilated too. But they stole your money, though!!!

And thanks for linking ascii draw...I think I might use it in the Urist story.   

[Jackrabbit]

Oh, you know those goblins. Always taking your long lost fortune and killing you sister. Oh my, those goblins...

[Jackrabbit]

I just realized that I don't have to draw intermissions. Anyway, presenting

Oldbeard the Old! And bearded!
Hence the name!

Oldbeard was chatting with Limul Thak.
“I used to be a miner lad, way back when” said Oldbeard.
“Really?” exclaimed Limul “I hear it was rather different.”
“Aye” said Oldbeard “that it was. You know, if you dug out a cavern more than five cubic meters the roof fell on your head?”
“What?” said Limul in disbelief “no matter how well it was supported by adjacent walls?”
“No matter where it was lad” said Oldbeard “it was the stupidest thing I ever did see. The old days weren’t always better. And what’s more, we couldn’t dig up or down.”
Limul shook his head in disbelief.
“You mean you didn’t know how to dig up?” he said incredulously “how could you not know to do that?”
Oldbeard wasn’t listening.
“We couldn’t build walls either… Swords, doors, beds, armour, but not walls. Funny” Oldbeard continued “we seemed to have a fair bit of restrictions back then. You know we were unable to look up.”
Limul was absolutely sure Oldbeard was insane at this point but couldn’t resist continuing.
“You couldn’t look up.” he said flatly “at all.”
Oldbeard nodded.
“Aye, we just couldn’t manage it. I first saw the sky about… well, I can’t really remember. But we couldn’t look up.”
“But what about if you were on a hill?” asked Limul, determined to pick apart Oldbeard’s inane ramblings “surely you could see the sky then?”
“Nay” replied Oldbeard “because there were no hills.”
Limul just stared.
“No hills.”
“Aye, none at all. Very recent invention, hills.”
“No, and I’ll speak slowly for your benefit, raised areas of land at all, despite the fact that land doesn’t just raise itself over the minuscule period of a few hundred years? I’d remind you that I’m over a hundred years old and that’s pretty young by dwarf standards.”
“Nay, we had mountain. I’d assume they were raised, except I couldn’t check on the account of not being able to look up.”
“Yes” said Limul, still speaking in a very careful monotone “now, Oldbeard, it’s not that I’ve not enjoyed this conversation but I am now going to back away slowly, then run away very fast.”
Oldbeard watched him go.
“Typical of kids these days” he grumbled “no respect.”
He fell asleep in the midday sun. About an hour later, he woke up sweating, having been dreaming about elephants.

[Sir_Geo]

Loving the references to the 2D days

[Jackrabbit]

I've reshaped the first post to be more fitting with the story (not to mention the word 'saga') if you want to check it out. I've got some pictures coming to accompany the Oldbeard update, as soon as imageshack stops being a female dog.

[Archangel]

“Bromrek, sir! Part of the 31st. Axes or nothing sir.”

Hey!  My dwarf would be just as happy with a hammer! Other than that, this story is good. Very good.

[Jackrabbit]

Thats it, keep feeding my ego. Soon I will rule the world! You fools will bow befor- Ahem. Sorry.

Anyway, sorry about that. But it didn't make sense for a gore trooper to like anything but axes.

[Jackrabbit]

WHAT A GODDAMMED FEMALE DOG IMAGESHACK IS

However, I uploaded the pictures. Enjoy.

[Archangel]

Entry in Bomrek Bloodaxe's Diary
I heard that there are elves around. They say that they're here to help us against the goblins but I know that really they are plotting something, something against us Dwarves. I will find out what it is, and when I do I will stop them.

I also heard that their is a dwarf, right here in this very camp, who is trying to make a repeating crossbow. Oldbeard I think he name is. I shall go look for him now, offer to help. I'm sure we can do it!

Bomrek Bloodaxe

[TheNewerMartianEmperor]

Oldbeard's diary: Bah, people don't believe me anymore. I told that rascal Limul about the old days when everything was flat, and you know what? He didn't believe me! Youngsters these days...... anyways, I think the Pacemaker is nearing the testing stage. If I load it with metal ammunition it will hit enemies with globs of molten metal, which unfortunately won't kill them unless I use a lot of it, but it will incapacitate them with extreme pain and probably blind them if it hits them in the face. If I use wooden ammunition air franction (or what ever it is called) will cause the bolts to catch on fire almost as soon as they fly, meaning that I'll have a flame launching (or "throwing" as these young whipper-snappers call it) device. Speaking of the youngsters, one's coming this way right now, I wonder what he wants.....

[CJ1145]

Kogan's journal:

There is no longer any doubt. Oldbeard is the same Oldbeard my papa Truebasements served with. No one else would fit the description of "Old, even fer us ol' dwarfs, rambles like no t'morraw, 'n comes up wit' newfangled whatchamahoozits on a whim.

[Heron TSG]

Barbarossa's Log- Stardate unknown.

Damn, them gore soldiers be cRaZeH!

[TheNewerMartianEmperor]

Oldbeard's journal: Grumble..... lousy unobservant kids.... Bah, they didn't even bother to investigate those big metal things, just called it "magic" and moved on. Well, I've actually seen magic before, and believe me; it's better then that. I sent that strange powder we found in the barrels a little ways away from the strange tube thingamahozits. The cities newfangled almschaminsts should be able to make something of it.

[Jackrabbit]

Whilst the journals give me plenty of great ideas, I'd like to point out that the goblins don't use powder. It's actually all just magic. Kind of disappointing, really.

[TheNewerMartianEmperor]

Fine, how bout this: Seeing that cannon got me thinking: I want something like that! Durn goblins don't deserve something like that, so's I've been talking via flying mail with the alcomests back in that mud-hole they call a mountainhome (nothing like copperblazes, the original king's home) to see if they can make anything what goes boom. The reply still has not arrived, of course back in my day we had something called an intergnat. Fastest thing alive, could carry letters from here to the worlds end in the blink of an eye, damn elves ate them all, claimed they "depurified the magimal escences" or some such. Stupid elves, nowhere near as fighty ad s they were, I remember when they had treants. Big things they were, like trees only threatening and they took a volley of flaming arrows to take down and......