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[Iced]

I think you've misunderstood "lame".

Copper Warhammers are only a tiny bit lame.
Silver Warhammer are NOT lame. Not even a little bit. They KILL things.
Oaken grate, not lame. Useful in many, many situations.
Perfect brown zircon, worth 4800, NOT LAME. Not great, but not lame.

all true, but they are hardly exciting artifacts are they now?

I took "lame" artifact to mean "a stupid excuse for an artifact" I mean honestly it really was JUST a silver hammer hardly artifact material.

[TheJackal]

I think you've misunderstood "lame".

Copper Warhammers are only a tiny bit lame.
Silver Warhammer are NOT lame. Not even a little bit. They KILL things.
Oaken grate, not lame. Useful in many, many situations.
Perfect brown zircon, worth 4800, NOT LAME. Not great, but not lame.

all true, but they are hardly exciting artifacts are they now?

I took "lame" artifact to mean "a stupid excuse for an artifact" I mean honestly it really was JUST a silver hammer hardly artifact material.

Are you aware of the attack/kill things bonus artifacts get? Put that artifact silver warhammer in the hand of the best dwarf your military has and watch him become a cyclone of death. Every military action will go like this -
Stabby McGoblinguy cancels Stab Dorfs: Skull has been torn out through the brain!
Lashy McGoblinguy cancels Lash Dorfs: Chest has been caved in!
Leader McGoblinleader cancels Lead Siege: Launched fifty tiles and six z-levels into a mountain! 
Urist McHammerdwarf has become attached to the artifact silver warhammer!
Urist McHammerdwarf cancels Eat: Has become Death, Destroyer of Worlds!

On topic, my Animal Trainer made a mica amulet worth 2400 dwarfbux. Highest quality, no decorations. But then he turned legendary so it fine by me. I just wish they'd make furniture or something I can build.

[Rowanas]

Jackal, you've made me wonder about something. Named items gain semi-legendary status. If a dwarf gives a name to an artifact (that already has one), do the bonuses stack, does one overwrite the other or is it impossible?

[TheJackal]

Jackal, you've made me wonder about something. Named items gain semi-legendary status. If a dwarf gives a name to an artifact (that already has one), do the bonuses stack, does one overwrite the other or is it impossible?

Sounds like a question for its own thread! Making it now.

[assimilateur]

Perfect brown zircon, worth 4800, NOT LAME. Not great, but not lame.

How is something utterly useless, having a value that's nothing special even by non-artifact standards, not lame? And that copper warhammer is going to be roughly as deadly as that silver one. How one of them can be considered "a tiny bit", and the other "not even a little bit" lame is beyond me.

[Nerserus]

Perfect brown zircon, worth 4800, NOT LAME. Not great, but not lame.

How is something utterly useless, having a value that's nothing special even by non-artifact standards, not lame? And that copper warhammer is going to be roughly as deadly as that silver one. How one of them can be considered "a tiny bit", and the other "not even a little bit" lame is beyond me.

Artifact Weapons are never lame period. Even if it is ( By some miracle, it must be made out of Aluminium I guess. ) worthless in combat, it makes a damn fine weapon to show off with on a Dwarf of your choice.

Also. Legendary Weaponsmiths. Assuming it's not possession.

[BodyGripper]

The Comet of Creeds!  Awesome, right?
It's a galena mini-forge.  Weak.

[Squirrelloid]

I do believe I can make a claim to the title of lamest artifact(s) with four(!) of my artifacts all featuring in the same fortress!

Exhibit A: RoarFalls: "This is a copper warhammer, all craftsdwarfship is of the highest quality, it is studded with copper and decorated with chestnut."

Decent.  Its a weapon (likely legendary weaponsmith) + copper isn't a terrible warhammer metal.

Exhibit B:  FedWhims, The meeting of renown: "This is a silver warhammer, all craftsdwarfship is of the highest quality, it is studded with silver.

Fantastic.  This is an ideal artifact.  The only way it could be better is if it were made of platinum.  Sure, it couldve been decorated more, but a silver warhammer is already an amazing weapon.

Exhibit C: TarnishSmashed: This is a oaken grate, all craftsdwarfship is of the highest quality, it is encircled with groundhog leather, on the item is a picture of a goat in oak.

Buildable artifacts are never lame.  Ever.

Exhibit D: DispersedWoman The friends of attack: This is a perfect brown zircon all craftsdwarfship is of the highest quality, on the item is a picture of a mountain in brown zircon.

Ok, this probably qualifies as lame.  But at least its a legendary jeweler (hopefully gem setter) instead of something useless like stonecrafts or, worse, woodcrafting.

[mazterlith]

I just got a pig tail fiber thong... HOW THE HELL DID HE MAKE A THONG AND WHY? WHY, ARMOK, WHY? I didn't even know they could make thongs.
Edit: I also just saw another person posting about a cat leather thong so at least I'm not unique...
Edit2: It's also adorned with spikes of pig tail and rope reed FIBER spikes? and is one of those self-referential ones.

[nanomage]

I just got a pig tail fiber thong... HOW THE HELL DID HE MAKE A THONG AND WHY? WHY, ARMOK, WHY? I didn't even know they could make thongs.
Edit: I also just saw another person posting about a cat leather thong so at least I'm not unique...
Edit2: It's also adorned with spikes of pig tail and rope reed FIBER spikes? and is one of those self-referential ones.

wellat least  it's wearable so it has its use. Maybe the dwarf wearing it would be happier, or other dwarves would be happier watching him.

I guess truly lame artifacts are those unbuildable, unwearable and costing nothing, like wooden ring with spikes of wood or something.
These do really nothing, not even attract siegers and dragons to your fortress. This may be good though depending on the point of view.
That said, even a 2400db-worth cow bone scepter gives you 66% of a legendary bonecarver.

[Mechlin]

But thong is actually a belt, isn't it?...

[EveryZig]

An oak grate is also nice because you can make it into an eternally burning floor tile with a little cleverness magma.

[Angel Of Death]

But thong is actually a belt, isn't it?...

No. It's a G-string.

[CerealGuns]

I once had a Lignite Quern.  The thought of eating something that had been processed in a quern made of coal is not appealing to me.

[Mickey Blue]

I'll have to chime in that while I guess something being 'lame' is a matter of opinion, some people have some interesting opinions of what qualifies as lame.

To me an artifact that is 'good' will fall into one of two categories:

1) Its useful (that is, you can place it somewhere to make a room valuable, or use it as a weapon/armor, or whatever).

2) It has an awesome description (I don't care if its a pointless siltstone trinket, if it has an awesome description of my dwarves slaughtering a minotaur its alright by me).

Sometimes these categories overlap, such as a cool but useless weapon/armor (due to material, type, etc), I assign them to some non-military dwarf I like for looks.

As for value.. Well even the crappiest most valueless artifacts will buy out most if not all of an average caravan, and it will (I assume) add to the value of your fort, but these things aren't good enough on their own to make them 'good' when measured against other artifacts.

I've gotten countless instruments or crafts studded with or ringed with the same material they are made of, those are lame IMO.

The coolest one I ever got was a silver sword (I know not the ideal material but a coolness factor) that had various decorations on it as well as an inscription of the death of one of my previous named dwarves.  I put it in her tomb.

-MB