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[Kidiri]

I've gotten myself a series of lame artefacts in this fortress:

Firstly

Spoiler: Zustash Unib, "The Ancient of Rags", a Felsite weapon rack, 4800 (click to show/hide)

This is a Felsite weapon rack. All craftsdwarfship is of the highest quality. This object menaces with spikes of Felsite.
On the item is an image of Kosoth Paintdabbled the dwarf and dwarves in Felsite. Kosoth Paintdabbled is surrounded by the dwarves. The artwork relates to the ascension of the dwarf Kosoth Paintdabbled to leadership of The Rumored Room in 96.
On the item is an image of a fly in Maple.

Handy, yes. Expensive, no. Not even enough to insta-royalize a room. The weirdest thing, the Mason who made it, absolutely detests flies.

Secondly

Spoiler: Astoddumur, "Gulfhaunt", a Felsite grate, 2400 (click to show/hide)

This is a Felsite grate. All craftsdwarfship is of the highest quality. It is encircled with bands of Felsite.

Exceptionally lame, it was the product of a possession. Not even a Legendary Mason that I got from it. And a grate? What am I supposed to do with it?

Thirdly

Spoiler: Eribitzöt, "Gorgeshank", a Alunite table, 7200 (click to show/hide)

This is a Alunite table. All craftsdwarfship is of the highest quality. It is decorated with Maple and encircled with bands of Alunite. This object is adorned with hanging rings of turtle bone.
On the item is an image of Vucar Orbprophets the dwarf and Zolak Hatedrabbles the goblin in turtle shell. Zolak Hatedrabbles is striking down Vucar Orbprophets. The artwork relates to the killing of the dwarf Vucar Orbprophets by the goblin Zolak Hatedrabbles in Ruthlessankles in The Axe of Locking in 56 during Zarrashgur, "The Outrageous Attack".
On the item is an image of purring maggots in dog leather.

Well, it is a table, handy for those pesky nobles. And it does cost as much as my other two artefacts combined... But still, 7200. And the same thing as with Zustash Unib: She absolutely detests purring maggots.

The only good thing I got from these three (and my first three in this fortress) are two Legendary Masons.

[zestorum]

I got a felsite mug encrusted with turtleshell...

must have been a gift for his Dad, although he was not a child.

[Albedo]

Yep, that's pretty lame! 

Of course, to be truly, competitively lame, it would have to have been encrusted with more felsite.  Turtle shell is practically lavish! 

[Time Kitten]

I particularly enjoy historical accounts myself, to the point of bying finished goods and large leggings if they have named critters sewn on.  Like to put them behind windows and make museums for adventurers to visit.

[Grimlocke]

I got a tower-cap amulet. With tower-cap on it. and... well, tower-cap.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Worth an underwhelming 3600 dwarf bucks. The dwarf is some immigrant engraver, the dwarf who made this didnt even know him.

When I though my next moody dwarf could hardly do any worse, he did just that.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

It has just about lamest materials he could possible use.
At least it was worth slightely more.

[alway]

This one just got made. It annoys the heck out of me because it used a bunch of really expensive goods... all for something completely useless.

Enamumoz, "Purerampage", a Ryolite toy hammer
This is a Ryolite toy hammer. All craft.... (typical art. quality) It is encrusted with Sapphire (there goes one gem), decorated with groundhog leather, and encircled with bands of Ryolite, Aluminum (there goes a valueable metal), turtle shell, Jelly opal (there goes another gem), and cave spider silk. On the item is an image of a three pointed  star in Ryolite. On the item is an image of Grovepearls the Entangled Wills the Platinum greaves in pig tail.

Dunno the value, since my appraiser died... But this has got to be the most annoying artifact I have had yet. Completely useless, can't be sold since it's an artifact, and used materials I was saving for my grand temple to Armok...

[Albedo]

Next caravan you decide to deal with, and you get a new appraiser, let us know the price tag.

[JimiD]

Yeah, so maybe the bed might have gone in the Epic thread.  I put the donkey leather trousers in there though....

I was just surprised at a "glass" bed though.

And at 12.30am, this seemed like the right place to post.

[Albedo]

(been there!) 

[GoneWacko]

A weaponsmith just got a into a mood, claimed a magma forge, picked up a single bar of platinum, and forged Komanmeb, "Spreadinches", a Platinum short sword.

This is a Platinum short sword. All craftsdwarfship is of the highest quality.
On the item is an image of Spreadinches the Platinum short sword in Platinum

Oh well. I'm sure it'll kill goblins just fine.

[zchris13]

Ah, simplicity.  I do love a good stabby shortsword made from shiny metal, with a name suggestive of being violated in the rear.

All the good things in life, in a tiny package.

[kalida99]

This was on an old fort in 38c but
a felsite bed worth 3400, with an image of pigtail cloth on it in obsidian...

not really lame, but REALLY stupid...
but i've never seen a bed with covers on it soo... 

secthungers the quiet mute seal: a tower-cap braclet, with hanging bands of tower-cap... 2400 D-Bucks
 
EDIT: MORE INFO

[Time Kitten]

It was a bed with a picture of covers? or perhaps... sheets made out of obsidian?

[Volfram]

Ah, simplicity.  I do love a good stabby shortsword made from shiny metal, with a name suggestive of being violated in the rear.

All the good things in life, in a tiny package.

The secret is that it's actually a hammer.  You're supposed to spread "inches."

I think artifact weapons get a bonus above and beyond the usual material bonus, anyway, so it probably cuts goblins like a chainsaw through butter.

[Time Kitten]

Pretty much agreed that non-weapon material artifacts are just under steel masterworks, but are cool enough to perfer them by far, I think.