Print

Please login or register.
1 Hour 1 Day 1 Week 1 Month Forever
Login with username, password and session length

[JmzLost]

A couple of forts ago I had a bronze warhammer.  "But wait", you say, "it's a weapon, and you got a legendary weaponsmith."  Yeah, but the weaponsmith was already legendary + 4, experience doesn't give stat boosts anymore, so that was mostly a waste of time.  Also, in this same fort I watched a caravan guard beat on a fox for 3 months with a *bronze warhammer*.  The fox had no wounds, and only took 3 months to escape because the guard kept charging and knocking it down.  Totally useless as a weapon, but it could be used in a weapon trap to brighten some nobles day.  I've also had my fair share of stone rings and crowns and toys and junk, but this stands out to me as the most almost-useful-but-still-useless artifact.

JMZ

[Pistolero]

Okay, now I have an artifact floodgate that "menaces with spikes of pig tail".

How do you make a pigtail spike?

Ask these guys:

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

[heuristicus]

I'll just leave this here.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

[KitsuneStudios]

In the same game, I got a beech earring with bands of beech giving me a legendary woodcrafter, followed by a possession of my Armoursmith resulting in an iron shoe and no level-ups. It was nicely decorated and worth 38,000, but for artifact armour in a map full of stockpiled steel, wanktastic.

[Mysteriousbluepuppet]

A barrel, mad of alder and alder, with image of a alder in alder and alder in alder.

[Daywalkah]

I got 2 steel armor stands with pictures in jet. Then I got a limestone armor stand. After that I got a steel armor stand with a picture in jet... All three of those armor stands were the same value in the same fortress.

[aurixdarastrix]

I still remember my first artifact in 31.  A dwarf with no skills other than weaponsmithing grabbed three or four strands of Adamantine, some forgotten beast bone, and a black diamond.  I was sitting there with the biggest grin on my face possible.  All commands in the fortress stopped until the artifact was finished.  When finished, the artifact had a name consisting of words like 'murder', 'blood', and 'dagger'.  Then, I looked at the rest of the line.  It was a hammer. 

FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF-(wait, this is actually hilarious)-FFHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

[kg333]

I still remember my first artifact in 31.  A dwarf with no skills other than weaponsmithing grabbed three or four strands of Adamantine, some forgotten beast bone, and a black diamond.  I was sitting there with the biggest grin on my face possible.  All commands in the fortress stopped until the artifact was finished.  When finished, the artifact had a name consisting of words like 'murder', 'blood', and 'dagger'.  Then, I looked at the rest of the line.  It was a hammer. 

FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF-(wait, this is actually hilarious)-FFHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

It took me a minute to figure out why this was lame, since I usually play 40d.  Adamantine is not heavy enough for hammers in the new version, correct?

KG

[aurixdarastrix]

I still remember my first artifact in 31.  A dwarf with no skills other than weaponsmithing grabbed three or four strands of Adamantine, some forgotten beast bone, and a black diamond.  I was sitting there with the biggest grin on my face possible.  All commands in the fortress stopped until the artifact was finished.  When finished, the artifact had a name consisting of words like 'murder', 'blood', and 'dagger'.  Then, I looked at the rest of the line.  It was a hammer. 

FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF-(wait, this is actually hilarious)-FFHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

It took me a minute to figure out why this was lame, since I usually play 40d.  Adamantine is not heavy enough for hammers in the new version, correct?

KG

Exactly.  It's about as effective as those giant inflatable hammers you can get at fairs.  Except it weighs even less. 
Though, I wonder if decorating an object increases weight, can't remember off the top of my head.  If so, would a decorated hammer be better than an undecorated hammer with the same quality and material?  TESTING TIME. 

EDIT:  After creating an adamantine war hammer (Weight<1), I decorated it with every metal known to dwarf.  End weight: <1.  If decorations have an impact on weight, it's near zero and thus meaningless. 

[kg333]

I still remember my first artifact in 31.  A dwarf with no skills other than weaponsmithing grabbed three or four strands of Adamantine, some forgotten beast bone, and a black diamond.  I was sitting there with the biggest grin on my face possible.  All commands in the fortress stopped until the artifact was finished.  When finished, the artifact had a name consisting of words like 'murder', 'blood', and 'dagger'.  Then, I looked at the rest of the line.  It was a hammer. 

FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF-(wait, this is actually hilarious)-FFHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

It took me a minute to figure out why this was lame, since I usually play 40d.  Adamantine is not heavy enough for hammers in the new version, correct?

KG

Exactly.  It's about as effective as those giant inflatable hammers you can get at fairs.  Except it weighs even less. 
Though, I wonder if decorating an object increases weight, can't remember off the top of my head.  If so, would a decorated hammer be better than an undecorated hammer with the same quality and material?  TESTING TIME. 

EDIT:  After creating an adamantine war hammer (Weight<1), I decorated it with every metal known to dwarf.  End weight: <1.  If decorations have an impact on weight, it's near zero and thus meaningless.

Gotcha.  Sounds like the hammerer has a new toy... 

KG

[Shogger]

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

A steel splint encrusted with fire agate and studded with steel, menacing with spikes of turtle shell. Also, somehow, in this fortress I have refuse stockpiles overflowing with turtle shells.

[SkyRender]

I personally doubt that any artifact I get will ever out-lame Whispertwinkles (an electrum harp featuring what may well have been the worst name for an artifact ever, let alone for an electrum harp, of all things), but I do have a fine contender for most useless artifact ever.

Controlpeaks the Persuasive Rip, a donkey leather flute.

Let's just nevermind the impracticalities of making a flute out of leather, and consider that this physical impossibility is encrusted with limestone, encircled with bands of mussel shell, and adorned with hanging rings of spiny dogfish leather.  And that it features a prominent bit of human history alongside a self-portrait of the artifact's creator.

Shamedportals is also a runner-up, but only for being so bland.  It's a totally uninteresting nickel amulet with bands of nickel.  Not even a single image, ring, encrusting, or spike on it.  Bleh.

[Urist McArtStudent]

I got a woodcrafter possession in my last fort who used up one willow log and half a dozen adamantine wafers to make "Cleantwinkles" a willow ring studded with adamantine (aaargh!). It had a picture of Sigun Yawntorches a historical king, an elk bird and a saguaro tree. All right, so it was obscenely valuable (396k dwarfbucks) but I would rather have had something USEFUL

I wanted to go back to that fort as an adventurer and pick up Cleantwinkles along with a nifty artifact iron axe called Weatheredmuscle (now why couldn't THAT have used the adamantine???), but I got within a few miles of the place and then NEMESIS UNIT LOAD ERROR, so that was the end of that.

[KitsuneStudios]

Controlpeaks the Persuasive Rip, a donkey leather flute.

It's... a legendary whoopie cushion. 

[kirby20x6]

I just got a bone buckler worth only 1680.  It doesn't even have spikes!  Or any decoration.  The dwarf used up steel, a log, stone blocks, and bloodstone, none of which show up in the description.  Hopefully it will protect better than a regular bone buckler...