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[Nerserus]

Ok now i really need to drop some F-BOMBS, it's happened again, although my millitary is epic. At the last, freaking second, the leader of my batallion needs a drink ( God forbid the fortress survival trouble this guy heh... ) So, what does the rest of the axe men do? Follow him. Leaving pretty much my elite crossbowman to deal with an entire army of horse-riding suku humans ( With katanas ). Needless to say, he got a few, and i was proud of how well he stood up against them, but ultimately. He got pwned. After my leader came back, things started to go a little bit better. The spearman walked out the door the same time the human swordsman leader came in, he got bashed to the ground...But survived, the human got his ass handed to him, this is where it went epic.


Instantly the rest of my batallion ( And a few guards ) charged the humans outside and it became a ferocious melee fight, blood and guts and bodies flying in all directions ( I applauded when one human swordsman got chopped in half ) though ultimately it was the retreat of the humans that spared my fortress. Hell i didn't even know they had problems with dwarves, this fort was supposed to TRADE. I guess they have epileptic hate against trading dwarves ( Jealousy of our superior trade skills ). Ended on a sad note, since the only survivor of the fight was a recruit, who had the following injuries:( I'm not making this up, i didn't believe you could Survive that sort of injury )
Lopped off right torso side ( Yeah it's a mod )
Lopped off LEFT torso side
Broken abdomen
Broken pelvis
Mangled head
Lopped off right upper arm
Lopped off left upper arm ( Plus lower and hands, obviously )
Lopped off right lower leg
Lopped off Right lung
Lopped off Left lung ( Told you it was common Captain Mayday lmao )
Badly bruised duodenum
Badly bruised spleen
Mangled guts ( Yeah he's kind of drowning in his own blood )
abdominal aorta, mangled
Lopped off BOTH eyes
Mangled neck
Broken left ear, Badly bruised right
Broken BRAIN!
Tekkud Oslanaval, Axedwarf. RIP: 19th Hematite, 25, Early Summer. (Survived 7 turns, but inevitably died where he fell. )

In all, humans are something to fear, if you don't know they hate you, and they have horses, you have about. Ten seconds to get everything sorted or you're dead. Anyway, i loved this fort, i wasn't even AWARE they hated me, literally, they traded just last year. I know which fort I'M nuking with cats next however

[Tormy]

Ouch, that recruit of yours was wasted. 

[Nerserus]

Wasted, yeah, he got owned in every sense of the word. Interestingly, he was only tough. Pretty badass if you ask me surviving half of those injuries for one turn let alone all of them for seven.
In any case, after scrolling through units: All of the millita is dead. The guards, the soldiers. Every soldier. Peasents are ok though so that's at least one good thing . Damn treachourous little scumbags! How dare they raid me at the last second?

In any case i got them as good as they got me in my opinion. Just a shame siegers are not and never were part of the "Actual" civ, so i didn't do any damage to them. They'll just come back stronger.

Edit: I knew they would, barely a season. They're back. This time they want to make SURE we die. Three groups of heavily armed horse riding loons with badass weaponry. I have no men, no traps, i'm fucked...

[Skorpion]

I do so love seeing broken injuries on soft tissues.

'MY SPLEEN! HE BROKE MY SPLEEN!'

[Errol]

"You call THAT breaking my spleen?"

Couldn't resist

[Nerserus]

Also, update: the humans charged. And so i barred the gates. ( Literally ). And decided to make a hallway of traps. Learning how stupid that is. I just unbarred the gates and sent two guards out to fight em all, i don't know if luck smiled on me, or the game simply glitched, but in an instant all the humans...Ran away, ( Or started at least, never went off map ) they ran away... From merely two guards...What sort of japanese warriors are these? Anyway. The guards got some neat kills here and there, then the inevitable happened. My peasents wanted PH$T L$WT. Even though i forbidded outside they went out ANYWAY. (Yeah this is pretty awkward. ) Everyone was running in all directions, even the "invaders" ( Who were not doing as much as "Maiming and slaughter" as "Running away like little sissy girls" ) whilst the two guards charged after them throwing them all over the place. Then the other two groups showed up:


Total chaos. Peasents and invaders and guards running around beating the crap out of each other, then, "Guard has bled to death" he died in a hail of arrows, leaving only one wounded guard left. Who dodged the arrows MATRIX STYLE!!! ( Slowly "dodges" all of the arrows one turn at a time ) Still going on, so i'll keep updating...

Edit: The guard got hit, directly in the chest, fearing the worst i scrolled down and saw a mangled liver. Though the guard herself is pretty epic, what with a mangled Diafragm as well. Anywho, not sure if the humans are coming or going ( My guess is going personally )
the guard herself isn't...Bleeding to death, or giving in to pain, but she isn't going after the enemy either....Wow, could this be the FIRST dwarf to use common sense? Anyway, the second arrow hit her, then she was in "Extreme pain" and was prone, then another hit her. (Why does this sound awfully like LoTR when boromir died? ) Anyway, most of the arrows whizzed over her head. Then she bled to death.

Second and prehaps last Edit: FOR URIST, AND THE RED DAWN. I'm sending all of my units on a suicide charge towards the enemy, no matter who wins. I'm abandoning so why not? Anyway seems like this is the end. Didn't see it coming, cut down by the japenese for no appearent reason. Really, i didn't see it.

[Scarpa]

Well this sounds like a suitably fun way to lose at least.

[Qwernt]

Ended on a sad note, since the only survivor of the fight was a recruit, who had the following injuries:( I'm not making this up, i didn't believe you could Survive that sort of injury )
Lopped off right torso side ( Yeah it's a mod )
Lopped off LEFT torso side
Broken abdomen
Broken pelvis
Mangled head
Lopped off right upper arm
Lopped off left upper arm ( Plus lower and hands, obviously )
Lopped off right lower leg
Lopped off Right lung
Lopped off Left lung ( Told you it was common Captain Mayday lmao )
Badly bruised duodenum
Badly bruised spleen
Mangled guts ( Yeah he's kind of drowning in his own blood )
abdominal aorta, mangled
Lopped off BOTH eyes
Mangled neck
Broken left ear, Badly bruised right
Broken BRAIN!
Tekkud Oslanaval, Axedwarf. RIP: 19th Hematite, 25, Early Summer. (Survived 7 turns, but inevitably died where he fell. )

Mere fleshwound.

(someone had to say it)

[Time Kitten]

problem is while pathing to combat... they are just regular horses, and as such, will flee your dwarves, carrying the riders with them. Bad news if you are trying to close with archers, good news is you can stop them by just keeping you doors tightly closed.

[Shadow Golem]

Ok now i really need to drop some F-BOMBS, it's happened again, although my millitary is epic. At the last, freaking second, the leader of my batallion needs a drink ( God forbid the fortress survival trouble this guy heh... ) So, what does the rest of the axe men do? Follow him. Leaving pretty much my elite crossbowman to deal with an entire army of horse-riding suku humans ( With katanas ). Needless to say, he got a few, and i was proud of how well he stood up against them, but ultimately. He got pwned. After my leader came back, things started to go a little bit better. The spearman walked out the door the same time the human swordsman leader came in, he got bashed to the ground...But survived, the human got his ass handed to him, this is where it went epic.


Instantly the rest of my batallion ( And a few guards ) charged the humans outside and it became a ferocious melee fight, blood and guts and bodies flying in all directions ( I applauded when one human swordsman got chopped in half ) though ultimately it was the retreat of the humans that spared my fortress. Hell i didn't even know they had problems with dwarves, this fort was supposed to TRADE. I guess they have epileptic hate against trading dwarves ( Jealousy of our superior trade skills ). Ended on a sad note, since the only survivor of the fight was a recruit, who had the following injuries:( I'm not making this up, i didn't believe you could Survive that sort of injury )
Lopped off right torso side ( Yeah it's a mod )
Lopped off LEFT torso side
Broken abdomen
Broken pelvis
Mangled head
Lopped off right upper arm
Lopped off left upper arm ( Plus lower and hands, obviously )
Lopped off right lower leg
Lopped off Right lung
Lopped off Left lung ( Told you it was common Captain Mayday lmao )
Badly bruised duodenum
Badly bruised spleen
Mangled guts ( Yeah he's kind of drowning in his own blood )
abdominal aorta, mangled
Lopped off BOTH eyes
Mangled neck
Broken left ear, Badly bruised right
Broken BRAIN!
Tekkud Oslanaval, Axedwarf. RIP: 19th Hematite, 25, Early Summer. (Survived 7 turns, but inevitably died where he fell. )

In all, humans are something to fear, if you don't know they hate you, and they have horses, you have about. Ten seconds to get everything sorted or you're dead. Anyway, i loved this fort, i wasn't even AWARE they hated me, literally, they traded just last year. I know which fort I'M nuking with cats next however

Nobody expects the JAPANESE Inquisition.
It had to be said.

[kotekzot]

overall, there are many things that have to be said.

[Shad0wyone]

I know it was said before, but just because that is so awesome, I'm saying it again:
It's only a flesh wound!

[zchris13]

Suitably awesome.