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[SchmittLenin]

I am currently being sieged by a large force that will no doubt kill all of my dwarves, consisting of...

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Two goblin bowmen.

I was once besiged by a single goblin who was stuck in a tree surrounded by war dogs.

It was funny.

Especially after the woodcutter got there.

Due to a modding error, I once got sieged by an army of toads lead by a pyromancer. Not toadmen, not giant toads, but toads. The kind cats murder.

A vile warty force of darkness has arrived!

[Pvt. Pirate]

Urist McMacedorf and Urist McSworddorf tried killing the Giant Bat, which flew over the water... they got hit during the fight and being unconscious, they drowned, reducing my militia to 2 dorfs - just before a FB showed up "beware its posionous sting"
that place is haunted, i shouldn't have reclaimed it.
hopefully some of the dorfs made it and got away from there alive.

[Kogan Onulsodel]

Had my old fort, which has been going for a few years IRL, and I went all out with the exploits (danger rooms, infinite adamantine through trading coins, the works) in this one. The FPS has gotten so low that it's time to bring it to an end. I have 110 dwarves in the militia, dressed in a full kit of masterwork candy armor. Naturally, time to breach hell and see how my army does. I have 3 artifact doors, so I actually have 3 different routes that I can funnel the demons into, I'm hoping I can get them to split up a little bit, maybe pincushion a few with my 50 marksdwarves if I'm worried that they might be exploding demons, maybe distract them with my giant war cheetah-splosion (that's the only breeding pair of giant animals I managed to get, not tigers, but still good). This is gonna be epic. So I send my miner to break through the last little bit to HFS, simply planning on an epic battle with the clown car, when somehow... somehow...

The clown car spawns under the wrong adamantine spire and just... dissipates. There's no sign of them, only 30 or so underworld.

An underwhelming end to an epic fort. 

[pikachu17]

I retired a fortress for testing, to see if this helps with near-death FPS. Well, it didn't really, maybe because of all these fights between giants and cyclopses, or a fire started by a dragon wanting to help fight a forgotten beast...

But face palm moment was when I realised that my fort now belongs to a goblin civ. Or rather a "revived" dwarf civ, whose members are somehow also members of a goblin civ, which (practically) conquered said dwarf civ (which is different than the original dwarf civ my fort belonged to before). Even their names are goblin. For example the current queen is a dwarf who was an administrator of some hillock under the goblin civ. The hillock was conquered by the goblins 50 years before her birth. And now she is a puppet queen of the civ of her ancestors. I doubt she even speaks Dwarven. Still, my duchesses and other dwarves are apparently part of the original civ, at least according to the CIV ID. Just the land was stolen from under their feet.

the goblin-named dwarves are probably kidnapped from the original dwarven civ by goblins then they started multiplying.

[ManaUser]

I just sent a squad of 10 master axedwarves up against a forgotten beast... armed with crossbows. The fight actually went better than you might think, only one of them died... arm ripped off. The rest kept it busy long enough to call in a much greener backup squad who at least had proper weapons. It was pretty well bitten and bashed into submission by that point and they quickly finished it off.

Now I just have to hope that "deadly spittle"... isn't. So far so good.

[GAGALTHARAX]

Today a human necromancer waltzed right into my fort and started snooping around, so I sent a small squad of dwarves in to run him off real quick. After he left the area I noticed he reanimated a bit of giant hedgehog hair... I imagine it's just a pile of hair. I ordered the squad to attack the zombiefied giant hedgehog hair to no avail, the attacks just pass right through it and obviously it can't harm the dwarves, which makes the fight endless. I ordered everyone to into the burrows forcing the dwarves to stop their ,would be, endless battle with the bit of hair. When it left the walls of the fort I raised the bridges.

Later I noticed many of the dwarves had legendary status which seemed to have come about suddenly, so I looked at their skills... all legendary or grand master observers!!!

I thought it must have been from punching that bit of hair for weeks. 

[Liarra]

I needed to remove a lot of natural ramps to make my isolated plateau fort inaccessible via the ground, instead of doing something smart like going layer by layer from the top or bottom, I designated the whole lot at once on 7 or so layers.
Needless to say the dwarves dug randomly and I was left spending HOURS carefully going through and accessing different layers that still had a few ramps on them.

I turned a 10 minute job into well over 2 hours of painstakingly slow progress.

The facepalm moment (I actually put my hand to my forehead IRL when I took stock) was when I found myself building a ramp to build a ramp to build a ramp to build a ramp to destroy a ramp.

...Ugh.


The other facepalm moment of note is that I have been building a fortress behind a waterfall on a large river ( here's a pic of the dam http://imgur.com/Qlw17OI ) and I keep having to turn the water pumps on and off to work on the fortress, EVERY SINGLE TIME I forget to build some simple floodgates on the edge of the waterfall and instead sit there waiting 20 minutes for the water to drain before doing whatever needs doing and filling it back up.
One row of floodgates could have saved me hours of waiting, yet I keep forgetting to do it every damn time.

[hanni79]

My Fortress is called Breedmine.

So I thought, after reading that GCS can breed now, "Time for a GCS breeding program ftw!"
Well, everything went pretty well, I got four spiders, two males, two females. I prepared a nice setup so I can breed and recatch them. I designated them to a linked up cage so I can safely release them. After two or three month I wondered why my dwarves still hadn't put them in, so I looked around and found out some dumb human spearman had happily slaughtered three of them while they were hauled to their destination.

I caught him with the help of the remaining male by luring him over some traps I carefully let my GCS web, worked like a charm. Afterwards I set up my silk farm, with the human spearman as practising target for the GCS.

After failing to cheat a female GCS in, imagine my joy when another femamel GCS entered the caves, I thought the caves where devoid of all life, since for two or three years nothing entered them !

I carefully put them together in a room so they can breed. Another year later, I wondered why nothing had happened. So I did a quicksave, trained the GCS so they show up in DwarfTherapist - and the male is homosexual.

Remember, my fortress is called Breedmine. I now believe the game is deliberately trying to mock me.

[Tacomagic]

I tried to set up a mine-and-run breech into a lava pipe in order to fill a new lava cistern.  Did the standard "two jobs" method with one on the lava wall and, after he'd accepted that job, another a few levels up where he'd be safe.

Unfortunately I have two miners and forgot to deactivate the other.

I'm really going to miss that pick.

[BlackBronze]

I lost almost all of my dwarves to dehydration after a horde of crundles climbed just high enough to be out of reach of them. Apparently, my dwarves REALLY hate Crundles enough to drop everything and try to kill them at a moments notice. I eventually tried to create some crossbows to solve the problem, except the dwarf in charge of the Boyer's workshop was interrupted by....even more climbing-savvy crundles.

[NESgamer190]

With my latest fort, I had a minor facepalm, thinking "Oh, the whole brook won't freeze!  I'm seeing some brook not freeze".  Cue the remaining brook getting with the program of freezing and me narrowly averting a fort death via no drink or water.  (The land's badlands for the record, with a brook going through it near the edge.  I have made measures to make a screw pump to pump some water into the X-Com-esque fortress.)

[KiBoy]

Brought a single Turkey Hen and about 20 Turkey Gobblers with me on an embark instead of the othey way around.

[Nasferatu]

Axedwarf has grown attached to a grown oak shortsword

there are many things wrong with this

[Pvt. Pirate]

first migrant wave of 3 dorfs:
a beekeeper, a fisherdorf and a talented doctor

now i instantly open DT and check them, everything is fine.
i unpause and soundsense playes battlesounds. i check the announcement window to see that the doctor is fighting the beekeper.
suddenly it says the beekeeper is dead.
i check units and find they were married and have 4 children.
while killing him, she even felt satisfied for improving fighting and striking.
then felt horrified upon the unsuspected death of a beloved one.
WTF?!
---
i just made a copy of the save and opened it in legends viewer and there is no sign of a reason for that fight.
he gave up beekeeping to become a poet, she gave up armoring to become a doctor, they met, they migrated and then she kills him. i even looked if any of them worshipped a dark deity, but none did. well, i hope she can cope with killing her spouse.

[AzyWng]

Trees are evil!

I've had my second tree-related death!