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Author Topic: Face Palm moments you had in Dwarf Fortress  (Read 2213458 times)

klefenz

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Re: Face Palm moments you had
« Reply #8295 on: February 10, 2014, 06:47:17 am »

Quote
I accidentally made a race of troll cocks that would war with everyone and wield giant phallus-like clubs.

The club in question:

**Offensive image removed**

I read that archaeologists often find ancient stone dildos in dig sites, but they don't report them that often.
[/spoiler]
« Last Edit: February 10, 2014, 04:12:35 pm by ThreeToe »
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brokegamer

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Re: Face Palm moments you had
« Reply #8296 on: February 10, 2014, 08:28:23 am »

I read that archaeologists often find ancient stone dildos in dig sites, but they don't report them that often.


They're usually referred to as "fertility symbols" but yeah, even ancient double ended dildos have been found. Boy this got off topic.
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I do let's plays on them there 'tubes.

Chances are if I'm making a post, I'm drunk.

the1337doofus

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Re: Face Palm moments you had
« Reply #8297 on: February 11, 2014, 12:50:55 am »

So apparently bridges, walls, and moats don't stop flyers. Death toll: 1 thriving fortress.
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Quote from: /k/
Multiple babies means that the force is distributed per baby, so less force total per baby.
burning dwarves is a sign of productivity

klefenz

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Re: Face Palm moments you had
« Reply #8298 on: February 11, 2014, 05:18:58 am »

So apparently bridges, walls, and moats don't stop flyers. Death toll: 1 thriving fortress.

Bridges can stop flyers if they block the entrance.

yaymeh

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Re: Face Palm moments you had
« Reply #8299 on: February 12, 2014, 04:39:21 am »

Today, we mourn the legendary Woodcutter Athel Osadalth who after many years of service and slaughtering thousands of trees was finally overwhelmed by his enemies. Two of the sneaky little bastards teamed up, growing right in front of the ramp that he used to walk back to the fortress and blocking his way back home. Hungry, thirsty and tired, he still fought on bravely until the very end, killing one random tree after another the whole time, but it was impossible to find the one who kept him from his family between all of them in time. He was found this morning by a new novice woodcutter, lying starved on a gigantic pile of wood. He will be remembered for many generations by the enormous new wood stockpile the miners had to tunnel out to bury him a midst the trophies that he accumulated during his last battle.
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Sutremaine

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Re: Face Palm moments you had
« Reply #8300 on: February 12, 2014, 06:55:25 pm »

Hungry, thirsty and tired, he still fought on bravely until the very end, killing one random tree after another the whole time, but it was impossible to find the one who kept him from his family between all of them in time.
Nice dramatisation. :)

Assuming you notice in time (eg. 'Hunting Small Creature' in the Units list, oddly hungry/thirsty dwarf in the health screen), you can figure out the blockage by starting from the last known fortress-connected position. Place something, check that the build items list contains a fortress's worth of stuff, but don't actually order anything to be built. Then move the cursor into the felling area until your only materials are a bunch of wood and maybe a few random other things. That'll tell you where the blockage closest to the fortress is, which is probably easier than starting from the trapped woodcutter. Doing it that way, your building item options will change from 'a particular bunch of wood' to 'a different bunch of wood'.

You're not limited to raw materials -- statues, traps, or other furniture will work.
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I am trying to make chickens lay bees as eggs. So far it only produces a single "Tame Small Creature" when a hen lays bees.
Honestly at the time, I didn't see what could go wrong with crowding 80 military Dwarves into a small room with a necromancer for the purpose of making bacon.

Doktoro Reichard

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Re: Face Palm moments you had
« Reply #8301 on: February 13, 2014, 05:48:08 pm »

Finished building an amazing dust creator flooring over the 3rd aboveground level of my fortress. Then I wen there and started to build retracting bridges. When those were built. I then began deconstructing the floors that kept the entire structure in place.

Only after breaching the roof, the farm, the goblet and clothes store, the old goblin pen and the obsidian chamber did I realize my mistake:

Bridges don't support floors.
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I have to write something... well here goes:
"A dwarf isn't a dwarf unless he dies the most !!FUN!! of ways", Quote unknown, possibly Armok.

Doktoro Reichard is quite pleased with making a Great Carbonite Trap

Why shouldn't you write with a broken pencil? Because it's pointless!

ColdOneK

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Re: Face Palm moments you had
« Reply #8302 on: February 13, 2014, 08:29:00 pm »

When I realized you need to assign high boots, gauntlets, gloves, and socks twice for the dipshits militia to equip 2 of each

--also I trained some elk birds - elk birds screwed spored and had kids - kids hatched - mothers died from starvation(apparently a bug)
some kids were trained at various levels - some were tame - some just reverted to semi wild on their way to the butcher
didn't care - tame ones were bred for leather
naked mole dogs couldn't be trained for war and reproduced slowly - useless for industry

do it yourself - it's easy - better with cave crocs - more offspring = more leather = more !!FUN!! - only seen them as mounts though - never seen gcs - only webs
leather is better then cloth - less of a headache to maintain an industry with - if you get the right animals
and it protects haulers better
not to mention masterwork elk bird leather gear probably psyches out cocky goblins that come with them in sieges enough to.. you know get them to not run from the 50 strong army of Master level dwarven warriors...clad in full steel - no candy because that would be...cheating  ;D
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~likes grizzlies for the epicness - dwarves for their melee - prefers to drink bourbon and coke when possible - needs alcohol to get through the working day - a fat stubby creature prone to arrogance and bouts of insanity~

Sutremaine

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Re: Face Palm moments you had
« Reply #8303 on: February 13, 2014, 09:24:22 pm »

--also I trained some elk birds - elk birds screwed spored and had kids - kids hatched - mothers died from starvation(apparently a bug)
Elk birds are grazers. You can rescue the mothers if you get to them quickly enough after the chicks hatch, but there are better ways of getting eggs or horns.
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I am trying to make chickens lay bees as eggs. So far it only produces a single "Tame Small Creature" when a hen lays bees.
Honestly at the time, I didn't see what could go wrong with crowding 80 military Dwarves into a small room with a necromancer for the purpose of making bacon.

ColdOneK

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Re: Face Palm moments you had
« Reply #8304 on: February 13, 2014, 10:14:35 pm »

no you can't - once a grazer gets to starving, i've never been able to save it
for elk birds, its a bug - its even referenced as one on the wiki

I could care less about bones/horns/eggs - I breed massive amounts of them for the leather
since it's less of a headache then growing pig tails/rope reeds - witch I still do for funzies
leather is a much easier industry to manage then cloth - if you're lucky with with what you catch - you don't have to take the time to specify between yarn/silk/cloth with the manager

I get crap tons of fish - meat - plants - 1300 meat - 500 fish - 1400 - plants - 600 drink - 1200 other
I usually embark with brooks

It's also convenient never having to worry about them dying of old age - lol - only the males live long enough
I build nest boxes where they graze btw
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~likes grizzlies for the epicness - dwarves for their melee - prefers to drink bourbon and coke when possible - needs alcohol to get through the working day - a fat stubby creature prone to arrogance and bouts of insanity~

Tarzanello

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Re: Face Palm moments you had
« Reply #8305 on: February 14, 2014, 02:21:07 am »

When I realized you need to assign high boots, gauntlets, gloves, and socks twice for the dipshits militia to equip 2 of each

You do? Oh crud. Welp, that explains quite a lot actually D:
Thank you kind sir, you have spared countless of dwarves the deep sadness that comes with asymmetry, in clothing and body shapes alike.
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Keep in mind, I am not a smart man.

gunpowdertea

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Re: Face Palm moments you had
« Reply #8306 on: February 14, 2014, 07:52:58 am »

When I realized you need to assign high boots, gauntlets, gloves, and socks twice for the dipshits militia to equip 2 of each
This.
And the sad thing is: I have been playing for ... some years (five or six) and I found this mentioned in passing a couple of months ago.
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I don't care. I have discovered that if you spawn elves this way, cats will chase them down and eat them.

ColdOneK

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Re: Face Palm moments you had
« Reply #8307 on: February 14, 2014, 12:23:33 pm »

First fortress I got to survive long enough to start making masterwork steel items and the pricks were only putting one of each on
I'd noticed because I wanted to give my militia commander the masterwork steel mace, while the other guy got an exceptional quality one
he'd only had 1 glove, and 1 high boot
however, he had Armorable or w/e the artifact iron left gauntlet and a masterwork steel gauntlet because he was told by his uniform to do so = ./facepalm
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~likes grizzlies for the epicness - dwarves for their melee - prefers to drink bourbon and coke when possible - needs alcohol to get through the working day - a fat stubby creature prone to arrogance and bouts of insanity~

PDF urist master

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Re: Face Palm moments you had
« Reply #8308 on: February 14, 2014, 04:14:11 pm »



so this just happened. A GCS sprayed some webs onto my weapon traps and my mace lord happened to walk through it on her way to kill goblins.

quick question. can I assign a crutch to her?
« Last Edit: February 14, 2014, 06:55:09 pm by PDF urist master »
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Sutremaine

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Re: Face Palm moments you had
« Reply #8309 on: February 14, 2014, 05:07:43 pm »

Eventually, if she doesn't die of infection.
« Last Edit: February 14, 2014, 06:55:59 pm by Sutremaine »
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I am trying to make chickens lay bees as eggs. So far it only produces a single "Tame Small Creature" when a hen lays bees.
Honestly at the time, I didn't see what could go wrong with crowding 80 military Dwarves into a small room with a necromancer for the purpose of making bacon.
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