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[ClkWrkJester]

As a dragon rampaged through my fort, I tried to stop it and watched my military die. I started getting angry, getting upset at my poor defensive layout, started getting into a bad mood.

Then I watched the dragon start to hacky sack a dorf baby against a wall and remembered...  remembered the best advice and facepalmed at my own stupidity.

I remembered that losing is fun.

At this point I sat back, grabbed a snack, and watched the carnage with glee.

[Lolfail0009]

As a dragon rampaged through my fort, I tried to stop it and watched my military die. I started getting angry, getting upset at my poor defensive layout, started getting into a bad mood.

Then I watched the dragon start to hacky sack a dorf baby against a wall and remembered...  remembered the best advice and facepalmed at my own stupidity.

I remembered that losing is fun.

At this point I sat back, grabbed a snack, and watched the carnage with glee.

You have passed your initiation, young one.

As for my passing of the initiation, mine carts. Candy spears. A nursery. And magma. Always one spot I forget to seal off...

[Togre]

I have repeatedly (and with different excuses each time) forgotten to lock the door of my training pit and allowed 4 or 5 creatures or creature-men gallop through my fortress being chased by the 3 dwarf squad assigned to kill them.  I am fortunate to have never taken significant casualties from being so stupid.

[Aviator CJ]

I'm planning to magma-cast an outside fortress structure, complete with a wall pulling double duty as a magma reservoir for magma landmines. The facepalm came as I realised that the area is so cold that water is liquid for a mere 2 weeks of the year. It's gonna take ages to solidify the lava!

[CookieRaider]

Maybe you can use the magma to melt the ice.

In my newest fortress site there is a huge aquifer only a few z levels underground. It covers the entire map, and all of the shallow metals are in it... 

[Blackadder]

So, I began building a deep underground fortress right above the magma sea, and I decided to start on an irrigation system. I wanted to make a completely self sufficient underground fortress. I had a great flood system set up, with floor hatches, one level above my farm. I had everything linked up, including a pressure plate to stop the flooding once the farm is full. Then, thinking it was all ready to go, I carved the last channel, and watched the water flow from the river, down a hundred levels, and begin to flood into the irrigation tunnels. Then I realize that I forgot to block off my service stair, which leads directly down to my new fort. I panic, and decide to floor off the stair, and then wall in the miner before the water gets there. He builds a floor, saving the fort, then begins the wall. He builds it from the wrong side (I suspended the wrong wall.) I panic again and try to get my legendary miner and mason (who is the mayor, and just married, with children..) to remove the wall and start over.

Then he falls asleep, with the water ten tiles away. Just falls asleep.

Poor Amost Dobarsokan, he died for a noble cause.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

[nighzmarquls]

Was reclaiming a fortress that had succumbed to goblins and ghosts...

First reclaim died to vengeful ghosts...

Second reclaim died after getting well on the way to building up catacombs...

Realize forgot to unforbid corpses of vengeful ghosts...

Reclaim with a combination miner engraver party of seven and extra food...

Use detritus of fort to supply everything else.

[KyleJRM]

Longest running fort yet (not saying much). Felt like things were going very well, beginning to experiment with the many things I don't understand, such as mechanics and burrows.

Four goblins? No big deal, my military can handle that. s ... k...l...mark all the goblins, watch the battle...suddenly all heck breaks loose.

Oops, accidentally selected the outpost liaison too, dwarves all go crazy on each other.

[misko27]

Longest running fort yet (not saying much). Felt like things were going very well, beginning to experiment with the many things I don't understand, such as mechanics and burrows.

Four goblins? No big deal, my military can handle that. s ... k...l...mark all the goblins, watch the battle...suddenly all heck breaks loose.

Oops, accidentally selected the outpost liaison too, dwarves all go crazy on each other.

aha, aha, you loyalty cascade. You are going to die unless you act quickly. I could explain the situation, but I am too tired at the moment. Basically, the dwarf is friend and enemy simultaneausly, and when dwarves kill him, they become the same thing. Seperate the unloyal to the civilization and send them away from the fort, at that point,you need to seperate them from the other dwarves and let them die, my reccommendation being sending them solo after the goblins if any. They will attack dwarves as enemies, so be careful. Also, you have to move fast, becauese the longer the situation persists the more likely it is essentially unrecoverable, and you will die horribly. If you are unable to stop the violence before it spreads, deactivate the military, so that unnescasary casualties are avoided.

[Lolfail0009]

Quantum Loyalty.
Only slightly simpler than the workings of a dwarf's liver 

[WillowLuman]

I like to think of them as Schrödinger's warriors. Their loyalty cannot be known until they see another dwarf, at which point the other dwarf observes them and collapses the wave function by canceling their job.

[Joben]

This isn't really a facepalm, but i'd like to update you folks on my lizard god problem.

After much schenanegins, I trapped the poison spewing lizard monster diplomat again, this time in a room by the entrance and left it there. After a few months it went mad.

A while later a goblin siege happens. My military hasn't recovered yet so i turtle and pull everyone back behind the traps and ballista.

A crew of 9 trolls and a bunch of goblins bust in and start milling around the abandoned rooms. Then the trolls see the doors to the mad god's room and decide to break them down. hehe stupid trolls.

They had no idea the hurting they were in for. The lizard monster at this point still has a totally broken spine, and it can only "Push" on things. but it's first attack still severs a bodypart.

It killed 3 trolls outright and mangled the other six until they fainted, all without taking a hit.
When the goblins came to see what the ruckus was it killed them all too.

Then it wandered off and lay in a corner, and I imagine hummed to itself.

When the trolls woke up they retreated promptly.

A while later a marksdwarf wandered over to the diety and put an -iron bolt- through it's brain. I got VERY lucky.

The thing was enormous. When i sold it's cloth dress later i noticed it weighed 639 urists. (An entire dwarf weighs about 60)

I went and found the thing's skeleton in the trash heap. That alone, with no flesh, weighs 1942. (Dwarf skeletons weigh about 10)

I think that means it was significantly larger than an elephant when it was alive.

[Hanslanda]

... The lizard god was the size of 40 dwarves. His clothes weighed as much as ten dwarves. This is the same one that made people cough up blood and suffocate, right?

[Joben]

Yep, same one. Though not cough up blood precicely, they would suffer total paralysis and suffocate. Some of the more hardy victims would walk around with a dizzy and with a fever for a little while first.

I remember wondering in my first fight with it why it's clothes were blocking so many stabs...I know why now...they were made out of several bins worth of material.

I forgot to mention, her weapon of choice, before i broke her arms, was a goblin bone earring. o_O

[arzzult]

Yep, same one. Though not cough up blood precicely, they would suffer total paralysis and suffocate. Some of the more hardy victims would walk around with a dizzy and with a fever for a little while first.

I remember wondering in my first fight with it why it's clothes were blocking so many stabs...I know why now...they were made out of several bins worth of material.

I forgot to mention, her weapon of choice, before i broke her arms, was a goblin bone earring. o_O

Made from the whole goblin?