So it's Autumn and I'm waiting for the dwarven caravan to arrive with my order of steel trinkets to melt and some steel armor and gear(the best metal I have onsite is bronze, and adamantine is too easy).
And a goblin siege arrives. I knew there was trouble abound when an ambush squad arrived the month before with it's leader on a war earth dragon.
This time ALL the goblins were riding on dragons. Crossbowers? They were on dragons, shooting arrows while the dragons breath fire. Melee guys? Also on dragons, which spat fire while closing in on anything.
Fuck.
They arrived just after the merchants too, so I keep the gates open in hopes that they'll get inside before they're turned into dorf jerky. They don't. As waves of flame turn merchants into piles of molten dwarf, hordes of my dorfs start surging towards the surface because this game somehow hates me(at times, crap that's left by merchants doesn't get forbidden automatically despite your settings). I keep it under control, forbid everything again and mostly keep things in order.
Then I see that one of my fishermen has gone outside.
FFFFFuck.
Found out a while ago that sometimes, the game resets my "zone-only fishing" order so anyone with fishing activated takes every god damn chance they can to go out and fish.
The guy was a soldier too, but you know how it is with one dorf VS roughly 30 goblins and dragons.
One soldier less, the goblin siege immediately breaks off from their usual "lets fuck around the surface and mock the dwarves" routine and barbecues the rest of the merchants and their guards.
FINALLY someone pulls the god damn lever and the entrance is sealed.
Then I found out in quite hilarious fashion that I had not taken into consideration heat damage when I made my airlock gates. Because one stray firebreath melted one of them. Those gates are the only things keeping enemies from getting into the fort too. One allows direct access, the other I use to drop enemies down 15 levels and smash into bits.
Guess which one the dragon melted?
FFFFFFFFFFFFFUCK.
One hasty order later, civilians are running screaming to shelter(most of them didn't get there and I hadn't thought of building a more easily accessible bomb shelter(note to self, do that)), soldiers are rushing to the entrance and war dragons, with their riders, enter the caverns.
In the next ten seconds, everything was covered in flames. Trade depot was washed over several times, smoke was everywhere, civilians crowded a small 2x2 tunnel in panic as enemies engaged the soldiers that had gotten to the site.
Dozens of masterwork gold trinkets were lost in the fire, soldiers were dying.
And then the game crashed.
I've noticed that temp calculations always kill my DF. Try to drown the fort in magma? The game crashes. Now I had to add "dozens of dragons breathing fire on fucking everything" to the list, and remove temperature.
Sad, but I am now at 36 FPS at 208 dorfs so I'm not complaining TOO much.
Author
Topic: Face Palm moments you had in Dwarf Fortress (Read 2208408 times)