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[Necro910]

I lost an entire squad (7 dwarves) to a single sturgeon, said sturgeon also slaughtered 16 other dwarves ...

sturgeon or surgeon?

Spoiler: Sturgeon. Eats dwarves like candy. (click to show/hide)

Holy ‼Waffle Iron‼ that's a big fish!

[Vehudur]

I lost an entire squad (7 dwarves) to a single sturgeon, said sturgeon also slaughtered 16 other dwarves ...

sturgeon or surgeon?

Spoiler: Sturgeon. Eats dwarves like candy. (click to show/hide)

Holy ‼Waffle Iron‼ that's a big fish!

Yes, yes it is.  Now do you understand why they are dangerous to your dwarves?

[MaximumZero]

I lost an entire squad (7 dwarves) to a single sturgeon, said sturgeon also slaughtered 16 other dwarves ...

sturgeon or surgeon?

Spoiler: Sturgeon. Eats dwarves like candy. (click to show/hide)

Holy ‼Waffle Iron‼ that's a big fish!

Yes, yes it is.  Now do you understand why they are dangerous to your dwarves?

Now imagine a peasantdorf get overrun in a goblin ambush, who then wakes up hungover. He blithely stumbles to the river, in search of liquids for his parched throat. He dips his hand into the river, and to his bemusement, a gigantic fish has latched onto it. What else is there to do? He calmly punches it to death, gets his drink, and goes about his business.

Dorfs are badass.

[Theifofdreams]

Doncherknow? Dorfs fish by sticking their beards in the water, and then grappling whatever bites on to death. This works on small fish that easily get tangled in the facial hair, but on larger ones like that, it's a risky business indeed. You try grappling a fish to death, when the fish has a hold on your beard and could swallow your head whole.

[Monkeyfacedprickleback]

I've been playing for two months and only now realized how to change bridge from (retracts) to (raises)

[Boost One]

A berserk racist elf donkey killed my military and half the fort, sending the rest into a tantrum spiral.

Facepalm.

The entire population was then conscripted to fight a giantess, who would otherwise have bashed up my migrants, my caravans and my best hope for salvation. After half an hour of watching the fort piling in on the unconscious monster (alternating between punching her and punching each other), a siege came along, the dwarves were dropped from the military and were ordered inside. A goblin simply waltzed over and caved in the giantess' face with one blow.

Facepalm.

The dwarves didn't pull the lever to close the gate in time and the goblins made it inside. I had no functional military or traps (first fort) so I made the cunning move of unsealing a flooded apartment block. The goblins were drowned. My dwarves were packed into the dining room, soon to be submerged, and the miners were dead due to severe nutritional imbalance (I believe there was a toxic buildup of vitamin axe in their spines), so the dwarves had no picks, which had been stored past the water.

Facepalm.

I remembered that the Mayor (she was the best when she went batshit - she took a crossbow outside and started firing into the air) had an artifact floor hatch leading to the caverns in her bedroom (she pulled the lever on her political enemies while they were admiring the craftsdwarfship). What the hell, I'll send the dwarves down and see what I can do down there, there's nothing else to do but die of drowning. I burrowed the remaining dwarves on the trapdoor, which also had a meeting hall on it. The mayor got to pull the lever. It was a three-Z-level drop, but most would survive by landing on the dying dwarves, right? Right. So half the rest of the dwarves go down the trapdoor. Some of the children were actually holding barrels of booze, I don't know why, but it was awesome they were taking supplies. I shouldn't have to worry about the local wildlife because they've all been taken care of by that forgotten beast...

Facepalm.

I go down three Z-levels to see a gigantic eyeless dimetrodon with charcoal scales standing with its mouth open beneath a trapdoor. Guess it brings new meaning to 'down the hatch'.

[Genoraven]

A berserk racist elf donkey killed my military and half the fort, sending the rest into a tantrum spiral.

Facepalm.

The entire population was then conscripted to fight a giantess, who would otherwise have bashed up my migrants, my caravans and my best hope for salvation. After half an hour of watching the fort piling in on the unconscious monster (alternating between punching her and punching each other), a siege came along, the dwarves were dropped from the military and were ordered inside. A goblin simply waltzed over and caved in the giantess' face with one blow.

Facepalm.

The dwarves didn't pull the lever to close the gate in time and the goblins made it inside. I had no functional military or traps (first fort) so I made the cunning move of unsealing a flooded apartment block. The goblins were drowned. My dwarves were packed into the dining room, soon to be submerged, and the miners were dead due to severe nutritional imbalance (I believe there was a toxic buildup of vitamin axe in their spines), so the dwarves had no picks, which had been stored past the water.

Facepalm.

I remembered that the Mayor (she was the best when she went batshit - she took a crossbow outside and started firing into the air) had an artifact floor hatch leading to the caverns in her bedroom (she pulled the lever on her political enemies while they were admiring the craftsdwarfship). What the hell, I'll send the dwarves down and see what I can do down there, there's nothing else to do but die of drowning. I burrowed the remaining dwarves on the trapdoor, which also had a meeting hall on it. The mayor got to pull the lever. It was a three-Z-level drop, but most would survive by landing on the dying dwarves, right? Right. So half the rest of the dwarves go down the trapdoor. Some of the children were actually holding barrels of booze, I don't know why, but it was awesome they were taking supplies. I shouldn't have to worry about the local wildlife because they've all been taken care of by that forgotten beast...

Facepalm.

I go down three Z-levels to see a gigantic eyeless dimetrodon with charcoal scales standing with its mouth open beneath a trapdoor. Guess it brings new meaning to 'down the hatch'.

I do believe you will be a welcome member of thefort Forum. Because that story was awesome.

[The Butterfly]

I embarked on a site with two rivers, in different levels. Soooo I decided to build a statue garden with waterfall in the middle of it. I couldn't be bothered with screw pumps so drew water from the river at the higher Z-level. let the water fall through the statue garden and the floor grates, before finally flowing out to the river at the lower Z-level. My dwarves were be impressed with the lovely waterfall, all the water washed away grime and blood from the dwarves, and all was well

except that my waterfall was actually tagged Outdoors because I had channeled straight down from the surface. Every winter, any dwarves and dogs unlucky enough to be in that statue garden would be encased in ice. The hell...

[Tevish Szat]

Like many others here, major facepalm when first learning about the d-b menu.  so much time manually quantum-stockpiling stones with loo(k).

Facepalm: Created an awesome dining room with artificial waterfall.  it was a good design: river-fed cistern on the surface, catch cistern below the dining room, 4z pump stack powered by the river to reset it, floodgate to control filling the top cistern from the river and hatch to control release of the waterfall, everything hooked up to levers.  I was even in a warm environment, so no worry about freezing

Well, on first activation, the thing didn't cause flooding, but it WAS making a wet mess, so I widened the hole in the floor and installed more grates, then turned it back on.  Well, in that time a good deal of my initial upper-cistern full of water had evaporated from the barely-filled lower cistern.  Easy solution!  That's exactly why I left the fill lever available.  I order it pulled twice to get a quick infusion of water.

The lever glitches out, and the floodgate stays open.  Somehow or other quantum entanglement gets disentangled because I can never seem to order the floodgate closed.  but that's okay, because the waterfall-controlling hatch is still in place.

The hatch was open when I ordered the refill, and the lever that controls it on the far side of the waterfall-fed dining room/meeting hall.  Urist McNotASwimmer cancels pull the lever: Dangerous Terrain.  As the river was basically at surface level, importantly above the mostly dug out level I was preparing to be a tree farm, cue Chapter III: Carp Fortress.

[Ibid Straydrink]

So, I finally got back into the groove and decided to sit down and play a game of good old DF. Spent about half an hour making sure that my human mod was still working nicely, then a couple more genning a wonderful world, playing a few adventurers, and picking out a good site.

About twenty minutes into my desert embark, I realized that I had forgotten to copy the reactions for smelting coal, and that for some reason, I had decided that humans didn't need the ability to make wooden training axes......

[nightwhips]

I was wondering why I was running out of fairly rare fuel, because my only fuel use is making steel and I can only do that with goblinite. Turns out I built a regular glass furnace over my magma well.

EDIT: Reading about diningwaterfalls reminded me of my near facepalm with that. I had arranged for such, with the small waterfall draining into the natural waterfall I had built my dining hall on. (Happy dwarves!) But for some reason I put my jail below the hall and opposite the drain, thinking upward slopes wouldn't allow water in. And little did I know that engravings prevent you from seeing water depth. I tried to build something (a bed for the capt of the guard, who was charged with murder because she "forgot" to trade out her spear for a pine training sword on promotion) and it said there was water there. Eh? Water? oh, 5/7 water! In the whole room! The captain got a free bath, but I managed to drain it off via a preexisting plumbing route, so no true !fun! happened.

[Pelander]

I had a full squad of legendary melee dwarves get wiped by a dragon. I couldn't figure out why they had done so poorly blocking the dragonfire when they were all legendary shield users.

...then I realized I had previously unequiped all of their shields for some weapons-focused danger room training.

FMF

[ThatAussieGuy]

what's the right phrase to use when you discover a cavern by accidentally tapping into it's lake from the side?  With a settlement and projects under construction below the expanded staircase in question

[Dutchling]

what's the right phrase to use when you discover a cavern by accidentally tapping into it's lake from the side?  With a settlement and projects under construction below the expanded staircase in question

FaceEarth?

[ThatAussieGuy]

Oh an even better screwup - i found the aquifer in my new fort - it wasn't a layer encompassing, but instead seems to be like a "bubble" in the mountain.  And Urist McMiner whacked it good.  It's current dribbling down the main staircase towards the magmaworks.  And my attempts to Piston the breach shut were met with the discovery that i pierced it on a lower level of many.  After i saved.  Oh dear...