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[Deus Machina]

I started up a new world, and found out that my dwarves have never developed the high boot. They're all foreign.

Oh, and so is iron. I have caravan guards with no iron armor or weapons, caravans that offer no iron goods, and I cannot order them from the liaison.

I can order steel stuff, though.

[Jacob/Lee]

The Keeper Civ The Musical Confederacy worshipped a deity named Calvaria, the sphere of control?

Suicide 

The ironic part is they were the only surviving Keeper civ and the second most populous race in the world...

Obviously their deity expressed her power by making people who refuse to worship her so miserable they commit suicide.  I figure it involves following them around being annoying.

Kinda like how a Dwarven God of consolation is associated with alcohol.

Or maybe their music was just so awful a god began suggesting suicide to all believers.

[NotAQuisling]

Back when I was still new I made a fort on an island. When I was warned the water was salty I ignored it thinking "Pfft, Real dwarves drink booze anyways!". In the end everyone died from either thirst, melancholy, or the fact my wood cutter went mad and killed people.I actually found out that water was important after the 1st few thirsty dwarves popped up.I tried (Failed) to make a water tower.I might reclaim one day.

[Greiger]

I had a well built over a river.  But the well was bringing up stagnant water.

After looking around for a bit i figured that it was because the well was too far from the map edge on either side, making it not think the water was flowing.

So I build a little platform for a screw pump a little bit downriver, figuring I would freshen the flow by pulling from the river and immediately dumping it back in.  I then hook it up DIRECTLY to a water wheel to keep it powered.

*facepalm*

The map starts flooding because the pump starts spewing water everywhere, despite the output being directly above the river, the river is a full 7/7 there.  The water from the pump has nowhere to go but onto the shore.

The whole pumping structure is a turbulent flood of endless water.  There is no emergency lever, because it's connected directly to the water wheel, nothing can be deconstructed to stop the terror because all who try just get washed into the river and drown.

Fortress death by waterwheel+screw pump.

[dwarfhoplite]

Reclaim on a 120 high mountain. what was i thinking...

[dwarfhoplite]

So I am facing a mass dehydration in my fortress because I cant get any wood to make barrels during an invasion. I decide that Im probably going to lose the fort anyways, so I send my two legendary axedwarves to stand behind my drawbridge and prepare to make a heroic last stand.

I pull the lever...


...and the bridge atom-smashes the two dwarfs and the invaders kill my fort

... you know you can make pots, functional equivalents of barrels, out of stone, right?

Facepalm part 2

Facepalm part three

This guy is joking, right?

I almost threw up the kebab i just ate because of this

[xRDVx]

Thīkut Monangustuh, Miner has died from thirst.

He died in an area I designated for mining a few seasons ago to be mined after he channeled his way in. Somehow he managed to trap himself in without any slopes to go back up. Glad he wasn't one of my legendary miners....

[FrisianDude]

Thīkut Monangustuh, Miner has died from thirst.

He died in an area I designated for mining a few seasons ago to be mined after he channeled his way in. Somehow he managed to trap himself in without any slopes to go back up. Glad he wasn't one of my legendary miners....

You should check your idlers, your health screen, and what the fuck you're doing more often.

[Heavily Armed Effigy]

Two facepalm moments today:

1. My fortress, totally unprepared for battle, was almost completely annihilated by a goblin ambush. The goblins were beating up on an unconscious dwarf for literally months, unstoppable by my untrained dwarfs. Then a group of rhesus macaques spawned, and the goblins immediately fled the map.

2. The dwarf that was being beaten up by the goblins for months finally got rescued, and as soon as she was being carried to safety, she suffocated to death.

[Deus Machina]

Someone told me I can assign weapons and armor to the sheriff, and I'm facepalming because I still can't figure it out.

Soon as I can get the elves to bring some *Balsa war hammers* guess what he's getting.

[MaximumZero]

Someone told me I can assign weapons and armor to the sheriff, and I'm facepalming because I still can't figure it out.

Soon as I can get the elves to bring some *Balsa war hammers* guess what he's getting.

Go into the [m]ilitary screen, set up a squad for "Sheriff" or "Captain of the Guard" (after 50 dorfs), set him up in a squad by himself, and assign him specific weapon and armor from there.

[Deus Machina]

Go into the [m]ilitary screen, set up a squad for "Sheriff" or "Captain of the Guard" (after 50 dorfs), set him up in a squad by himself, and assign him specific weapon and armor from there.

Yeah, that's the thing, I don't see 'Sheriff' or anything in the military screen.

Do I have to assign him as a militia captain, also?

[EmeraldWind]

Someone told me I can assign weapons and armor to the sheriff, and I'm facepalming because I still can't figure it out.

Soon as I can get the elves to bring some *Balsa war hammers* guess what he's getting.

Feather wood will probably be your best bet for material. It is an extremely light weight wood. If you can make a training hammer out of that, it should be the weakest hammer known to dwarf-kind... Since feather wood has a density of 100 and THAT WEIRD METAL has a density of 200.

[xeivous]

Someone told me I can assign weapons and armor to the sheriff, and I'm facepalming because I still can't figure it out.

Soon as I can get the elves to bring some *Balsa war hammers* guess what he's getting.

Feather wood will probably be your best bet for material. It is an extremely light weight wood. If you can make a training hammer out of that, it should be the weakest hammer known to dwarf-kind... Since feather wood has a density of 100 and THAT WEIRD METAL has a density of 200.

You mean cotton candy right?

[Sallen]

I just found out you can designate more than one wall to be constructed at once. I'd been designating one by one since... since I started playing DF.

Well, now I just found out. And the worst part is that it took me two days after having read this post to realize...

YEARS, I'VE BEEN PLAYING YEARS!!