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[tzkal]

I had always played in relatively peaceful biomes, but I felt it was to easy with just dear and foxes to worry about.
Que terrifying location with a small river. I scan the surrounding. "Nothing really to worry about," I thought. A few skeletal foxes across the river, but they can't get to me. Some skeletal carp in the river, but It's not like I plan on fishing anyway. I designate some deforesting, gathering, digging, and unpause the game. A few seconds later...
"OMFG WHY IS EVERYONE DYING! HOLY **** THE CARP; THEY'RE KILLING EVERYTHING!"
Your settlement has crumbled to its end.

[TheJackal]

A dodged facepalm, and a real one.

Right now, in the fortress Inkdeath I have been able to sidestep most lever related facepalming though an obsessive and possible wasteful amount of labeling with the [N]otes system. That and I took some engineering/drafting classes, so I have all my cistern and pump systems charted on paper with all drawbridges and levers redundantly labeled on paper and in the fort itself. I never pull a lever without checking the label, and it took me almost an hour just to hook up the seven gates in my main river bypass system. (I was making it modular and expandable.) So no facepalms yet - though the five waterfalls being constructed in my dining room might turn into a huge one. We'll see.

The real facepalm? I was looking at my massive stockpile of ores that had built up while I was waiting for my magma smelters to get powered. What can I do with all this galena that I have cluttering up the place? So I skip over to the wiki, and groan. Lead? A small chance of silver? Then I see the fabled electrum! It creates value from all but nothing, ensuring each boulder of galena turns into something valuable. So I hit Smelt Electrum(Use Ore) and then, being lazy, hit (R) to repeat.

Fast forward a season or three, when I notice that my stockpile is all glittery. Did I leave it on that whole time? I did, and my dorfs kept bringing more galena and gold nuggets. My Furnace Operator kept smelting. By the time I Canceled the Smelting Job I had filled my main Bar/Block Stockpile to the gills and overflowed into my backup stockpiles. In fact, I had 577 bars of electrum laying around, and maybe less than a dozen gold nuggets left. On the other hand, my Furnace Operator is legendary. WTF am I gonna do with so much electrum? Should I pimp out my dorf's meager 2x2 apartments? Prepare for a baron?


Tl:dr - I have 577 electrum bars I need to do something with. Also a legendary Furnace Operator!

ITS OVER FIVE HUNDRED!

[Owlbread]

A dodged facepalm, and a real one.

Right now, in the fortress Inkdeath I have been able to sidestep most lever related facepalming though an obsessive and possible wasteful amount of labeling with the [N]otes system. That and I took some engineering/drafting classes, so I have all my cistern and pump systems charted on paper with all drawbridges and levers redundantly labeled on paper and in the fort itself. I never pull a lever without checking the label, and it took me almost an hour just to hook up the seven gates in my main river bypass system. (I was making it modular and expandable.) So no facepalms yet - though the five waterfalls being constructed in my dining room might turn into a huge one. We'll see.

The real facepalm? I was looking at my massive stockpile of ores that had built up while I was waiting for my magma smelters to get powered. What can I do with all this galena that I have cluttering up the place? So I skip over to the wiki, and groan. Lead? A small chance of silver? Then I see the fabled electrum! It creates value from all but nothing, ensuring each boulder of galena turns into something valuable. So I hit Smelt Electrum(Use Ore) and then, being lazy, hit (R) to repeat.

Fast forward a season or three, when I notice that my stockpile is all glittery. Did I leave it on that whole time? I did, and my dorfs kept bringing more galena and gold nuggets. My Furnace Operator kept smelting. By the time I Canceled the Smelting Job I had filled my main Bar/Block Stockpile to the gills and overflowed into my backup stockpiles. In fact, I had 577 bars of electrum laying around, and maybe less than a dozen gold nuggets left. On the other hand, my Furnace Operator is legendary. WTF am I gonna do with so much electrum? Should I pimp out my dorf's meager 2x2 apartments? Prepare for a baron?


Tl:dr - I have 577 electrum bars I need to do something with. Also a legendary Furnace Operator!

ITS OVER FIVE HUNDRED!

Sir, if I had 577 electrum bars, I'd be a happy man. Pave your floors with it, or make some sort of notable building.

[anzki4]

Realizing that I have ran out of booze and that all water sources had frozen...

EDIT: + No magma.

[NewSheoth]

Just started a new fortress, and decided to make a glass industry hall. My volcano was about 15 z-levels higher than the fortress, and I didn't want to risk my miners by breaching it from the side, so I decided to make a long drop-shaft to deliver the magma to the furnaces. I ordered the miners to channel down from the top, sealing them in and forcing them to finish the project; then I switched to stairs for quicker completion... but one of the miners was my expedition leader, and there was a liaison on the map. So halfway down he decides to conduct meeting with him - he was standing on the side of the shaft. The other miner sealed in went on a long, long break. I ordered the remaining miner to dig out a way out, and then I found out why they didn't continue: the very last level of stairs was not upwards, but downwards.
Facepalm one.
The last remaining miner keeps digging, but does so very slowly and I realise why only a couple of minutes in: the tunnel was 2 tiles wide, as I expected the sealed-in miners to continue it, and forgot to redesignate it for quicker digging. Also, the miner didn't have his Masonry turned off (every dwarf had masonry on, there was a lot of building going on), so he constantly left the tunnel to build another floor.
Facepalm two.
The miner was just a few tiles too slow, and both of the sealed-in miners died.
Facepalm three.
Re-try of the same location (hate quick losses to stupidity, so restarted): I order a shaft to be dug on the same spot, but order several z-levels for channeling, forgetting the stairs for some reason. Cue the dwarves channeling out the tiles they were standing on, over a few levels of already open space... critically injured miners happen.
Fourth facepalm.

Another facepalm edited in:
In the previous fort, I've built five Goblin Grinder design siege lifters. They all worked fine... except for the fact that I put green glass disks in them. The poor goblins' frantic dodging of the disks and getting their armor dinged spawned 300-400 combat pages a second. They kept falling down from exhaustion but all remained safe and sound. *Facepalm*

[Uzu Bash]

Every five fking minutes while constructing a reactor tower for obsidian production from scratch. Someone's always sealing themselves in, with walls, channels or pouring lava.

[NewSheoth]

Oh, and one of epic dwarven stupidity: a carpenter went on break and decided that chilling out in a recently drained murky pool would be a good idea. While I was walling it off. He did it TWICE in rapid succession. *headdesk headdesk headdesk*

[Samuel]

Realizing that I have ran out of booze and that all water sources had frozen...

EDIT: + No magma.

Carve a stairway all the way down to a cavern.

More water than you'll ever need and some plants for booze.

Anybody killed by toads and troglodytes is expendable.

[eggrock]

"Some mercheants have arrived."

Ah so! And it's the humans and their wagons filled with goodness!

Wait a sec, they're on the north face and can't get to the fortress. Oh well, b-g over the channel and a mason will take care of it. Back to digging out the trap rooms.

Meanwhile...

***picture of masons miners furiously digging corridors and channels***

Then:

"The mercheants are about to leave."

Mercheants, wha? Oh.. OH

***panic, u key spam***

Ok, mercheants are moving. Better get a lever hooked up to that brid-

I AM YOUR LIASON, LETS DISCUSS YOUR SITUATION

Nonono that's my trader. God DAMN IT.

In the end everything made it but the mercheants, who (I think) got as far as unpacking at the depot before they turned around and left. See you next year.

Then the elf caravan shows up, like I need more hippy cloth...

[Samuel]

"Some mercheants have arrived."

Ah so! And it's the humans and their wagons filled with goodness!

Wait a sec, they're on the north face and can't get to the fortress. Oh well, b-g over the channel and a mason will take care of it. Back to digging out the trap rooms.

Meanwhile...

***picture of masons miners furiously digging corridors and channels***

Then:

"The mercheants are about to leave."

Mercheants, wha? Oh.. OH

***panic, u key spam***

Ok, mercheants are moving. Better get a lever hooked up to that brid-

I AM YOUR LIASON, LETS DISCUSS YOUR SITUATION

Nonono that's my trader. God DAMN IT.

In the end everything made it but the mercheants, who (I think) got as far as unpacking at the depot before they turned around and left. See you next year.

Then the elf caravan shows up, like I need more hippy cloth...

If you have a good squad, the hippy cloth is free, though.

[DumbfoundedElf]

Two face palms, two different fortresses (I'm playing two at separate times).

I was just building a bridge to build a tower on a hill (so I could be lazy with the first level.)Then some elves decided to trade with me.  I made a quick decision to kill them and sent 13 dwarves to take care of one, then two, then three annoying elves.  eventually I killed them all and told them to pick up the stuff.  I forgot the fact that they were covered in blood so I had a trail a blood that almost went into the second floor of my fort.  I little later I had human traders come to my fort and chose to trade a ton of stuff plus some cages.  It just so happened to be cages with animals from the elves that I killed and didn't pick up.  So I had dwarves taking out random deadly animals (luckily tamed) and letting them into our meeting area.  Now I have a lion in my meeting area in which I cannot slaughter(I slaughter every animal I get due to food shortages).

Facepalm 2:  I just started a new fort with a river far away from the fort area.  The only real food source I could hold up was fish(hence the river).  So I almost instantly sent my fisherdwarf to get some food and bring it back. a little while later, I find out he was drowned by trying to swim to the other side (the zone was set on both sides of the river, one was blocked on a corner).

[LoveMachine]

When I realised that  ". . complains about the draft" was caused by me trying to kill every kobold thief that came along and building acres of doors everywhere was doing nothing to keep out the cold air.

[Lenadi]

In installed an indoor waterfall, and dring it's construction a miner fell down to his death. Rather than making a cylce sort of thing, he waterfall poured down like 80 z-levels to the caverns. I got a different dwarf to mine, so he decided to jump down the waterfall to grab the mining pick. A dozen deaths later, I installed a floor grate....god I hated those dwarfs

[Musashi]

Since I discovered the cage trap, I've used and abused the feature to get some surviving goblins, trolls, and what-have-you from each and every siege. Then, I put increasing amounts of them (or else it just becomes way too easy over time) in a special room near my barracks, which is itself on the same layer as what I like to call the proletarian quarter, link them to a lever in a separate room, lock my squad in there, pull the lever, and watch with glee the shower of (goblin) blood and limbs that ensues. That is fairly good training for the rookies who can manage to land a hit before my legendary warriors finish them. Most importantly, that amuses me greatly.
Well, today, I forgot one important step.
The one where I lock the door.

I dismissed the squad before I noticed a wandering goblin thief running towards the crowd of not-so-disposable workforce. I'm lucky to have had war dogs to slow him down. *facepalms*

[Traece]

On my current embark I have extremely steep and un-eroded cliffs which I dug in to. I made a floor path with space inbetween the two paths so I could install a retracting bridge. This allowed me to safely flood the entire area with lava so that I had a nice raised area of trees and grass (that's relatively small as well) to provide all the outside necessities (including ponds). Well, once the bridge was done it was pointless to have the scaffolding floors so I deconstructed them.

Not only did every dwarf insist on causing cave-ins with every other removal of these construction, but they did it over lava one z-tile below them. Those that didn't fall into the lava were killed by the lava spray from the dwarves and rocks that fell in to said lava.

This is the first time I actually had a fortress crumble rather than just be abandoned. Needless to say, I reclaimed, but damn those Dwarves.

Edit: Facepalm 2: I channeled a few pieces of dirt for the sake of having my walls on the surface be symmetrical. Turns out I channeled right over my Carpenter/mason/jeweler/mechanic/crafts workshops. Nobody was killed, but that doen't make me feel better.

Edit2: Facepalm 3:

This is the stupidest thing I ever thought of that was brilliant. I wanted to create a lava waterfall of sorts that went down the extremely steep cliffs beside my entrance. Sounds good right? I forgot to consider the fact that the volcano would happily attempt to fill any Z-Layer BELOW the source. It's already started engulfing my obsidian bridge. I. Am. An Idiot.