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[MaximumZero]

Oh, gotcha. I came in after .31.03 was intro'd. I've never played 40d.

[SolkaTruesilver]

What I meant is, if there is a stack of 25 bolts together lumped as a single item, my dorfs would put them in a single tile. But if there was 25x 1-bolt stacks, the dorfs would use 25 frakking tiles!!

[Snappydude]

Population ~60. Fort is starting to thrive. Getting a decent bronze industry running (haven't found the flux yet). Two full squads of useless migrants putting on pieces of bronze armor, straight from the forge (ow?). Suddenly: An ambush! Curse them! x2. That's fine, I think to myself. I'll just dump them in my magma moat when they go to cross the drawbridge. At worst I'll have to seal off until the weapons/armor are finished.

I look around for the drawbridge lever... Uh oh.

Having forgotten to actually connect my drawbridge to anything (titular facepalm), I activate my half-armed, half-armored immigrant squads and send them to intercept the gobbos on the drawbridge. They are slaughtered to a dwarf without inflicting any casualties on the invaders, who gleefully swarm into my fort and start doing their thang. Uh oh.

I draft my two legendary miners (who were married last season) into my now-empty military. A satisfying level of carnage ensues and the goblins are obliterated. Tragically, only one of the miners survives. She mourns the death of her husband. Population ~35.

I start cleaning up the mess. Morale is low. The legendary feast hall and dormitory don't seem to be cutting it. The armorer goes melancholy (sadface). The carpenter tantrums, killing my weaponsmith (!!) and mason. I dump him in the volcano. As the only one with any experience fighting, I appoint the heroic miner as my militia commander, in the hopes that her badassery will rub off on the new migrants/recruits that just arrived. A perfectly logical decision. Except in hindsight, it may have been too soon. Which I realized when she berserked. Uh oh.

I'll leave what followed mostly to the imagination. Ok, I won't. She proceeded to slaughter every living thing she saw with a ¤Bronze Battle Axe¤. Chunks everywhere. It was a mess. Finally, her rampage was ended by one of her former students, who punched her brain out through her skull. Population: five (FIVE!!) miserable dwarves. O_O

I abandoned soon after that. Lesson learned: test traps of fiery doom BEFORE you need them. Also: have a plan B that doesn't involve suicide squads? Also: don't give your best combat gear to someone who is on the edge? I guess those are all good tips for life in general.
 

[Flaede]

What I meant is, if there is a stack of 25 bolts together lumped as a single item, my dorfs would put them in a single tile. But if there was 25x 1-bolt stacks, the dorfs would use 25 frakking tiles!!

Before the 2010 release, the hunter/archer would only bring the ONE bolt with him, if that was all that was in the stack.
...it rarely ended well.

[Nyuura]

I just forgot how to remove slope tiles. Geez, I'm such a freakin' n00b!

[Organum]

It's "Z", if you were still wondering.

[ouroborus]

Not so much a face palm, but more of a wtf: I had built a series of 7x7x5 cisterns for a flooding trap. There's stairs down the side of each of them and they're connected via tunnels at their bottoms. While checking them out to make sure they weren't flooding anything. I noticed a cat swimming around in one of them. I figured he had gotten pushed in from the flow filling them up. It was a pet, so I started figuring out who owned it and where to set up the coffin. I checked it again and thought it was drowning and about to die. It was at the bottom of a cistern that was filling it's third level.

I checked back on a few turns later and couldn't find it or a corpse. After looking around a bit, I found it climbing out of another cistern with a perch in it's mouth. It had gone in, dove to the bottom, killed a perch, swam along the bottom for about 100 tiles through an underwater tunnel and climbed out.

I know cats can swim, but my belief was these are like our domestic cats and prefer not to get wet. Now I discover that they're more like lions.

Tirist Iklistmeng, Cat (Tame)
"Tirist Whisperedlashed"
Pet of Sarvesh Tobulmedtob, ♂

A small mammalian carnivore. It is usually domestic and hunts vermin.

He is gigantic. His hair is russet. His ears are ash gray. His tail is charcoal. His head is dark brown. His front paws are gray. His rear paws are burnt sienna. His skin is pale pink. His eyes are amber.

As for Sarvesh "Canyonblockade", he likes cats "for their aloofness."

(Hmm, he also likes battle axes, flasks, and backpacks. Sounds like he wants to be in the army.)

[JAFANZ]

Not so much a face palm, but more of a wtf: I had built a series of 7x7x5 cisterns for a flooding trap. There's stairs down the side of each of them and they're connected via tunnels at their bottoms. While checking them out to make sure they weren't flooding anything. I noticed a cat swimming around in one of them. I figured he had gotten pushed in from the flow filling them up. It was a pet, so I started figuring out who owned it and where to set up the coffin. I checked it again and thought it was drowning and about to die. It was at the bottom of a cistern that was filling it's third level.

I checked back on a few turns later and couldn't find it or a corpse. After looking around a bit, I found it climbing out of another cistern with a perch in it's mouth. It had gone in, dove to the bottom, killed a perch, swam along the bottom for about 100 tiles through an underwater tunnel and climbed out.

I know cats can swim, but my belief was these are like our domestic cats and prefer not to get wet. Now I discover that they're more like lions.

I believe it's Tigers who like to swim, it's a Siberian in that semi-famous pic that's been floating around the 'net for the last few years.

[James.Denholm]

Cats! With aqua-lungs!

[Segnaro]

I was trying to build myself an indoor waterfall to keep my dwarves happy and clean.  For some reason, though it had worked for a few minutes and nearly flooded my fortress, it refused to work when I reassembled it after I disassembled the windmill and made some adjustments.  I figure I needed to pump all the water out to the surface, and muck around in the little basin to figure out what was wrong. 

I had two individual pump operators working at it, when all of a sudden, the upper operator stops working due to "Dangerous conditions" or something similar.  I paused and looked around the top, and realized the surface was covered with rapidly expanding water and my dwarf was nowhere in sight.  Apparently, I had left a tile open on the diagonal, which allowed the water to sweep the operator down into the water-logged 1x1 tile, which was STILL being flooded with water. 

So what I'm trying to say is my dwarf drowned because I had forgotten that water also tends to travel through diagonals.

[V12US]

I used to think complaints about the draft came from dwarves that slept in bedrooms without any doors.

[Haspen]

I used to think complaints about the draft came from dwarves that slept in bedrooms without any doors.

I thought like that as well. Until I read articles about thoughts and military.

[Malakai Makaisson]

Although I've only been playing for a while, I just realised you can designate a wall to be made out of all the same material, rather than designating it one at a time.

It used to take quite a while for large floors...

[melomel]

My diagnoser was possessed.

First facepalm:  He wanted bones.  He grabbed a kobold foot or something, and turned it into a bone stack.  Apparently moods override the not-butchering-sapients thing.

Instead of letting him grab kobold/werewolf part and then forbidding them, so he'd be forced to turn my pile-of-sapient-parts into useable bones, I just forbade everything.  Then I sent my military out to a few unicorns for him.

Second facepalm:  What do you mean a unicorn bone artifact hatch cover is only worth 4800?!  Oh, wait...  didn't someone say something about bone artifacts being bugged in 2010?

*face.  palm.*

Oh well.  At least the military survived unscathed.  Time for some unicorn tallow roasts!

[melomel]

My diagnoser was possessed.

First facepalm:  He wanted bones.  He grabbed a kobold foot or something, and turned it into a bone stack.  Apparently moods override the not-butchering-sapients thing.

Instead of letting him grab bits of kobold/werewolf and then forbidding them after stackification, so he'd be forced to turn my pile-of-sapient-parts into useable bones, I just forbade everything.  Then I sent my military out to a few unicorns for him.

Second facepalm:  What do you mean a unicorn bone artifact hatch cover is only worth 4800?!  Oh, wait...  didn't someone say something about bone artifacts being bugged in 2010?

*face.  palm.*

Oh well.  At least the military survived unscathed.  Time for some unicorn tallow roasts!

And THEN I hit quote instead of modify to correct a typo.

FACE.  PALM.